It takes two | Sirius Black

63.

As bad as it sounds, Phoenix couldn't wait to go back to school. It was too hard being around his parents, watching as they grieved and fell apart. They both tried to act 'normal' but were failing greatly, it was obvious that their relationship had come to a bitter end. As for grieving Zion,they tried to hide that too. Late at night Phoenix could hear them both sobbing as he walked past their separate bedrooms. In fact, he could hear all the adults crying into their pillows, attempting to muffle their pained sobs. During the day, they moved around like shells of themselves - exhausted and numb.

Zion had always been Sirius' double, but Phoenix took after Sirius too in ways Sirius would definitely not approve of from a Fathers standpoint. Phoenix would prefer not getting caught but what could Sirius do exactly? He'd be a hypocrite to lecture him. After Zion died, Phoenix started sneaking out of the house to visit a muggle dealer. It was a weekly occurrence, he couldn't sleep unless he had something to make him feel calm. Something to help him forget. It was only weed. Nothing strong or reckless, just weed to keep him at peace.

If he didn't have such strong nightmares of the deaths whenever he closed his eyes, he wouldn't be depending on the green stuff so much. It kept the nightmares at bay, made it easier to lie there and not sleep because even with weed in his system, he only ever thought of Zion and Cedric. He occasionally thought of Harry Potter too. He wondered if Harry realised that he was responsible for the deaths of two people Phoenix cared about and loved. That Harry had managed to destroy Phoenix as a person but not in the way Phoenix had feared. The way Harry had broken Phoenix had been much worse.

It was funny really, once upon a time Phoenix couldn't look at Harry, incase someone figured out that he was gay and in love with his best friend. Now, he couldn't look at Harry incase someone realised Phoenix blamed Harry for everything going wrong. Sirius would never understand, sometimes Phoenix was positive that Sirius loved Harry more than his own kids.

Phoenix was good at avoiding the house by now. The only person he couldn't and would never get rid of was Marlie. He didn't mind her coming in to his room when she couldn't sleep or if she needed a shoulder to cry on. He was the eldest now. He had to take care of her now, he promised Zion he would and he would never break that promise. Bowie would come in with Marlie most times, nestling himself between the two siblings as they cried into his fur. Phoenix was sure that Bowie understood what had happened,even if he was just a dumb dog. He knew that Zion was dead.

Whenever Harry knocked on the door, he would hold his breath to silence his tears, pretending he was asleep. He knew it was Harry because of the footsteps and the way his voice whispered his name, waiting hopefully for an answer and an invitation inside.

Sometimes Phoenix was okay with Regulus coming in. Sometimes he would yell at his Uncle and tell him to just fuck off. Regulus would leave without a shred of offence or an argument, he just somehow knew to come back later and he always did, no matter how cruel Phoenix was. His Uncle Regulus always came back.

Phoenix didn't ever yell at Remus because he was the one who held it together for everybody. He was the one who cooked, delivered food and took it away uneaten and never complained. He put on his bravest face, a wide smile every single day but Phoenix had heard him crying to his husband. It was painful breathless cries, almost silent from holding them in for so long. He knew Remus was just as heartbroken as the rest of the family.

Remus was family. Maybe not by blood but in every other sense of the word, Remus was as much of an Uncle as Regulus. Phoenix hadn't realised until he went down one night and found Remus hunched over a memory box of Zion's. He hadn't realised until then how much him and his siblings meant to Remus. He loved them all like his own.

Flashback

"What's that?" Phoenix asks pointing the blanket in Remus' hands.

Remus quickly wiped his tears on his sleeve and smiles brightly at Phoenix. His eyes still showing the sadness he was so desperately trying to hide from the boy who'd lost his brother.