Love Maze | BTS Poly

Dear My Friend

Seoyun now stands in the entryway, staring at me from across the room. He continues to maintain eye contact with me as he slips off his shoes. I try to discern what he's thinking or feeling by reading his facial expression, but I'm unable to.

The closer Seoyun gets to me, the more my lungs fail to fill with air. And when Jaehwa and Sejin enter the house a second later, my breathing ceases altogether.

"Hoobae," Seoyun says again, "it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Sunbae," I reply, albeit awkwardly.

"We miss having you on the team," he remarks. "Don't we, Jae?"

Jaehwa glares in my direction, their jaw tight and strained. "Not particularly."

Alex utters an "ouch" under his breath, and Jaehwa immediately excuses themself to smoke a cigarette. I try to tell them that it's late and we need to get this meeting underway, but they ignore me and step outside to the back patio.

"Jae's still a little...upset that you left," Seoyun reveals, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I get it," I nod. "They have every right to be. I didn't really say goodbye."

"Well, why didn't you?"

"Sunbae," I entreat, "can we please not do this? Not here, anyway."

He flashes a sad, apologetic smile. "Right, sorry."

Again, I nod, and then inform Alex and the others that I'm going to go check on Jaehwa. When I open the back door, I spot them leaning their elbows on the railing, hunched over with a cigarette between their fingers. The smoke slowly rolls off of it before disappearing into the dark of night, only to repeat this process over and over again the more it burns.

"Jae?" I speak up, maintaining a safe distance between us. "Do you plan on being out here much longer?"

They shrug.

"Well, the team's waiting on you."

"I'm sure five minutes won't kill 'em," Jaehwa coldly imparts.

"Look, Jae," I begin, "I know you're angry, but please, don't take it out on your team."

With a scoff, they flick the ash off their cigarette.

"Listen, you don't have to forgive me," I continue. "Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. But just know that I'm truly sorry for what I did."

Suddenly, Jaehwa spins around, demanding to know, "Why did you do it, Audaire?"

"I...I-I just needed to get away for a while."

"For five fucking years?!"

I remain silent as they go on, letting them say what they need to say. "You're a real piece of shit, Audaire, you know that? I considered you a friend and what did I get in return? Just some lousy fucking letter." Jaehwa then takes one last puff of their cigarette before throwing it onto the ground. "Like, seriously, how selfish can you be?"

"You're right, I was being selfish. I was also being stupid and irrational. I thought I was doing what was best for me, and in the process, I failed to realize how my actions would affect those closest to me." I take a step forward. "I should never have left. Not like that, at least."

"Yeah? Well, you did," says Jaehwa, brushing past me and heading for the door. It's obvious they're done with the conversation, so I'm not going to anger them—anger them more, that is—by pressing any further. Besides, we have business to attend to.

Jaehwa enters the house first, and I take a minute to myself to calm down. Once I get my heart rate under control, I decide to go back inside. I don't make it very far into the house, though, because Sejin is waiting for me.