Infinity

Chapter 144

Tony's POV

The sounds of sparks against metal was my soul focus at this moment. I could focus on anything other than the task at hand. The moment I stopped working my thoughts would wonder and I couldn't afford that. I can't let myself think of her. I could only focus on the next step, getting off of this horrible planet. My kids needed me. I couldn't even let myself dwell on them for very long either. The fear of losing any of them to the same fate as her is all consuming.

After we lost and everyone was gone, it was just me and Nebula left. She's not so bad. A bit rough around the edges but all and all a good egg. It us hours do move or do anything after it happened. I was completely lost in my grief. The feeling of her in my arms one moment and then disintegrating away will haunt me until the day I die. If I think about it, I'll break down and I can do that, not yet. When I finally broke out of my stupor Nebula had already located the Guardian's ship, but it was severely damaged from the moon getting thrown at us during the fight.

It's been a blessing in disguise. With the work needed to make the ship operational again, I've been able to distract myself temporarily. It took us five days to get the ship somewhat operational. It's risky but we launched. That was three days ago and I'm still having to constantly fix things and rest. The injuries I sustained in the fight got infected, but the first aid kit she left behind has been a real-life saver. Nebula isn't the best nurse, but she's done a good job of helping me care for my injuries. The stab wound in my abdomen would be exceedingly worse if it wasn't for that first aid kit. She was able to take care of me even though she is no longer here.

The ship and my injuries aren't our only problems though. We're also limited on food. Nebula already lets me eat more that her since she doesn't need as much food, but I can already feel my weight loss. I don't know if it's from the injuries, lack of food, or my grief, but I've lost a lot of weight and my energy and drive are gone. She told me that I'd make it home, but I don't know if I want to. How can I face my kids, knowing she's gone. They are all to young they won't even remember her. That thought alone terrifies me. My own children won't ever remember their mother. How much she loved them. How she would play with them or tell them stories. How she could make everything better with just a smile.

I feel tears slipping from my eyes as I was welding a piece of machinery together and I have to shake myself. My thoughts have drifted of their own accord right where they can't go. I need to focus. The fuel cells were leaking and if I don't fix them soon, we'll start drifting through space with no hope of making it home.

I continued focusing on my work. I fixed the fuel cell to the best of my ability and then decided it was time for a nap. I slowly struggled to pull myself out from inside the belly of the ship. I manage to use the wall to pull myself into a standing position. The pain in my abdomen was intense but it dwarfed the pain in my heart.

I limped over to one of the seats at the front of the ship and stared out into the void of space. I was truly beautiful, but now that I was still, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. The freckled face of my wife was never far from my thoughts. I closed my eyes and let myself remember her. Her vibrant green eyes with flecks of gold, her shoulder length wavy dark brown hair than framed her face. Her bright smile that never failed to brighten my day and make my heart sore. Her joyful laugh that was contagious. Her loving heart for everyone she came in contact with. Her brilliant mind that pushed the bounds of science and was always inspiring my new ideas. She inspired me to be my best self and make the world a safer place. There were things I never knew that I wanted until she waltzed into my life. She was everything I needed and now she's gone. She was a part of who I was and now it's like a part of myself went with her. The pain of losing her is more intense that anything I've felt before. I can picture her clearly in my mind which is both a comfort and a curse. I'm terrified of the day her memory begins to fade. I can't let myself forget the sound of her laugh, the way she smelled of lavender with a hint of grease, her smile that was only reserved for me. I can't let myself forget any of it.