Home is wherever i'm with you

with the devil i'm going down.

The next day Maya had the surrgery on her ear. It went well and now they just had to wait.
She had to spend another 7 days in the hospital before they let her go home. Her mood had increaingly worsend over the last few days. She only talked the bare minumum and when Carina asked her whats wrong, she ignored her or said "nothing". Everyone was worried about her, but she told everyone she was fine. Though it was easy to see, she was not fine. She snapped at her OT and PT team all the time and rolled her eyes, when Carina apologized for Mayas behaviour.  Carina was hopefull going home was going to make it easier.

They arrived at the Appartement and went up. Carina asked Maya what she wanted to do. It was late afternoon and the weather was not very nice. It was still Feburary after all. Maya just shrugged. "How about i make some Pasta and then we have a shower and watch a movie." Maya nodded. 'atleast i can get her to agree.' Carina thought. They used the speach to text device all the time now. Jack had tryed to teach Carina and Maya some signs, but Maya just ignored him and told him it was stupid and she would be hearing soon again. Carina thought it was better for her to be positive, than to give up hope, but she didn't want it shattered if her hearing didn't go back to normal or worse not even good enough to be a firefighter.

The ate in silence and took a shower in silence. Carina asked her a few things, but Maya only nodded or shook her head. Also the tablet was not usable in the shower, which made comunicating hard. The put on a Movie with subtitles. But after 15 minutes Maya got up. "This sucks. The subtitles are way to fast. I'm going to bed." Carina nodded. She understood, that this was really hard on Maya and she didn't want to make it any harder. But it was also hard for her and she did have a breaking point. She made a mental note to ask Maya ,about seeing the SFD therapist, tomorrow. Tonight she would go to bed with her and be there for her, but give her space.

"Why wouldn't you just try it? Maya please stay here where you can see the tablet." Carina said. They had been arguing for 30 Minutes, starting with the fact that Maya couldn't open the cereal box and Carina being in the shower, so she couldn't open it for her. Maya blamed Carina and got angry, which Carina interpreted as just the tip of the iceberg. So she asked to contact Diane. Maya howere just scoffed and said, that Carina must be sick of her to send her to a shrik and that everyone would be pissed in her Situation.

Maya had left the kitchen and sat on their bed, she wasn't crying but she really wanted to. Eyes foreward. Don't loose. Eyes on the finish line. All the mantras were spiraling in her brain. She needed to move. She got up.

"Carina. I'm sorry. I am angry because i can't move. I need to move. Can we go on a walk?" Carina looked confused. "Maya you are still recovering from surrgery." Maya pouted. "Wait. Alright. We can go on a walk. But we drive to the park with the car. Go the small route to fountain, we rest at the fountain and then we go back. Got it?" "Got it." Better than nothing. "Come on." Carina took Mayas Hand.

They walked towards the fountain. It was sunny, but still quite cold. When they almost reached the stone sculpture Maya felt a twinging pain in her abdomen and winced putting her hand to her stomach. "Whats wrong?" Carina asked. Maya couldn't hear her, so Carina tapped her shoulder and looked questioningly. "Its nothing..." "Don't lie." Maya seemed to have understood Carina, just from her mimik. "I just had this twinge, its just the scar is not as stretchy and when i move it it hurts a little. But its all better now." "Can i see?" Carina said pointing to her eyes and then to Mayas stomach. "Not here. Lets get to the fountain and back and then at home, i'll let you take a look." Carina nodded.

"Its not infected." Carina said. Maya read on the tablet. "See. I told you.  its okay." Carina nodded. "What would you like to do?" "I'll probably read some." "Okay. I'll go grocery shopping. What would you like for dinner?" "I don't care." Maya said. "Maya." "I am not hungry." "Okay. I'll make some Risoto. We haven't had that in a long time and you can eat that with one hand." Carina said. Maya nodded. She turned around and sat down on the bed. Took her book and pretended to read.

Maya wasn't really reading. Her thoughts were running. She layed down and starred at the celing.
When Carina came back home she didn't even arknowledge the italian. And at dinner Maya just shoved her Risotto around on her plate. She didn't even eat half of her portion. Carina saw it, but didn't say anything, as to not provoke another fight.

Carina was woken up during the night by a cry of pain. She sat up and turned to Maya. How was hunched over holding her arm with her other hand. She was breathing rapidly and tears were running down her cheaks. Carina switched the side lamp on. "What? Bambina, What happend?" Carina tapped Maya on the shoulder and looked questioningly. "I dreamed and a hit my arm on the nightstand. It hurts." Maya said through gritted theeth.  Carina got up and got her some painmeds and some water with a straw. "Here. Take that." Maya hated how the perscription painmeds made her feel, but she also knew she needed it now. "Thank you." The pain had already subsided a little, but in order to sleep again, she needed the painmeds. "What was the dream about?" Carina asked and showed her the tablet. "Its nothing. I'm fine." "Bambina? Talk to me." Maya shook her head and leaned on Carina. Carina carefully pulled her close and kissed her head. "You are hurting, but you don't need to. Let me know whats going on in that beautiful brain of yours." Carina said, tapping Mayas forehead with her fingertips. "Hm." Maya said. "Okay. Carina put the tablet away and kissed Mayas head once again. They layed back down and Carina held Maya close, hoping somehow maybe the closeness would help her open up.

But it didn't. Maya got worse and worse. Sometimes when Carina was working, she wasn't moving from the bed the entire time Carina was gone. At night she had terrible nightmares, that had her wake up screaming. Carina tryed everything, but Maya didn't allow help. She just closed herself in.
One early afternoon it was enough for Carina. She called Diane Lewis and told her all about Maya. Diane said she'd look into it, but there is no way in forcing Maya. Carina nodded. She then took a piece of Paper and started writing to Maya. All her thoughts and all her worries on the paper. Then she folded it and put it on the kitchen table. She knew Maya was probably still in bed. So she quickly knocked and said she was going to work and that dinner was in the fridge to microwave. Maya just groaned. She wasn't sceduled at the hospital, but she knew she had a few things there. She picked them up and went to Amelias.