Home is wherever i'm with you

i wanna shout in a liberary

Fortunatly Maya didn't have any abnormal cell growth in her body. She got the blood trasfusion and had some more tests. A CT, an ultrasound and a few more. At half past 4 the got home. Maya was so exhausted. "Can we lay in bed? Can you hold me?" Maya asked. Carina nodded. "Yes Bambina. Of course." They didn't sleep, but they enjoyed the comfort the two of them could give eachother even at such an uncertain moment.

"Lets pick up the girls and get some take out on the way." Carina said as it was turning six. "Mhm. What are we going to say to Vic and Theo?" "Whatever you want." "I feel like it will be so hard not to say anything, but saying something might be even harder. It is just so hard, that we don't know anything. I hate being left in the dark." Carina sighed and pulled Maya in a close hug. "We both have therapy tomorrow. You in the morning, and i have in the evening. This should be good." "We need to talk to our bosses." Maya said. Carina nodded. "Lets start with Theo and Vic." "Why don't you call Andy and your mom to come over to Vic and Theos and tell them all together." "Yeah. I don't want to have to say it a thousand times." "And we can tell Teddy and Amelia on friday when they come over to check on me and make a new plan with me. Which only leaves your boss and Jo, the rest of the station and the kids. Since Teddy is my boss." Maya nodded. "Right. Sounds like a good idea." They stared at their feet for a little. "Carina?" Maya said. "Hm?" "You need to fight really hard. I know this is going to make your anxiety even worse and your eating disorder aswell. The girls can not have two severely sick moms. They need you. I need you." "I promise. I will make an appointment with my psychiatrist, maybe we can work on my meds." "Yes whatever you need. Just fight it really, really hard." Maya said. Carina nodded and cubbed Mayas face. "But i need you to promise me to do the same. Fight like hell. I need you. This is not going to be it." "I promise."

"Hey. Hi. The girls are playing in the livingroom. The homework is done and they had a snack when Ellie came home, because they were hungry. Just some apples and grapes." "Thank you." Maya said. She took a deep breath, then shook her hand and looked at Carina. "Do you mind, if we come in? Andy and Mayas mother are on their way here, we have some important news and we don't want to have to say them so many times." Vic frowned, but the wifes looked serious. "Yeah sure." She was slightly confused, but she didn't question it.

"I am sorry, we called you over here. It is just..." Maya stopped. "Why don't we sit down?" Carina suggested. They all nodded and went over to the table. Maya took a deep breath and shook her head looking at Carina. "Its okay, bambina. I can talk." She wiped a stray tear out of Mayas face and started.
"Maya collapsed after a call yesterday. She was sent to Grey-Sloan to get checked. It was just for a suspected dehyration and thats why after they took some blood they sent us home. Today we came in and we got the news, that Maya had acute myeloid leukaemia. Blood cancer." Maya suppressed a sob and Carina started to cry. The others didn't know what to say. "She had a lot of tests today, but we'll know more on friday." There were screames from the livingroom. Maya got up. "No, let me go." Vic said. "No. Please." Maya pleaded. She wanted to leave this talk asap. When Maya was gone, Carina said. "She will have Chemo and maybe a stemcelltransplant." The last word made her sob. "But Kathrine you and Lane are to old to donate and the girls are to young. She'll be placed on the list. That can take years." Andy wraped Carina in a hug. Kathrine got up. "I have to see my daughter." Everyone nodded. Vic was crying, too and Theo huged her. It was just a terrible message.

"Maya?" Maya looked up. She was sitting watching her kids draw. The screams earlier were from Ellie, who wanted a pencil, but couldn't quite find the words to ask nicely.
Kathrine looked at her daugther with sad eyes. "How are you feeling?" Kathrine asked. Sitting down on the floor next to her daughter. "I don't know." Maya said. "Can i hold you?" Maya nodded and Kathrine warpped her in a hug. Maya started sobbing. The floodgates broke open and Maya cryed terribly. She screamed and yelled in her moms embrace, that Carina and Vic took the girls out of the livingroom to give them some space. Kathrine rocked her daughter back and forth, crying aswell. This was her baby. Her little girl, so terribly sick. It broke her heart. Maya cryed until she had no strength anymore. Carina gave her the emergency anxiety medication, Maya had for cases like this, where she couldn't pull herself out and Maya calmed down.

"I am sorry, the kids saw me like this." Maya said. "Don't be sorry. They will find out. This will be hard for them." "I hate that this is part of their life." Maya sighed still wraped in her mothers hug. "They will be okay." Kathrine said and kissed Mayas forehead. Maya couldn't remember the last time her mother had kissed her. It felt good. She felt loved.

"Mom are you sad?" Meena asked as they were getting ready for bed. They had discussed, that they would tell the girls today and call Nina on friday after they knew more. "I am a little sad. And mamma and i are going to tell you, why when you are done with getting ready." Meena hugged Maya and said. "I don't want you to be sad." "I know, but being sad is okay. Sometimes things happen, that make you sad and that is okay."

"Okay, girls. I need you to be listening really well." Carina said. Maya had Meena on her lap Louise was clinging to her side and Ellie was on Carinas lap. "This is very important. I need to know that you are listening." "I am listening." Louise said. "Me, too." Meena said. "And you Ellie, can you listen, too?" Ellie nodded. "Okay." Carina looked at Maya, who shook her head. She wanted to say it, but it just didn't work. "Mom and i are sad today. When we went to the doctor, we got really bad news. Mom is really sick." "Do you have a fever?" Meena asked. "No. I don't have a fever right now. My blood is sick and that is what has caused me to have a fever so often. It has made me tired and exhausted and now they found out why." "Our bloodcells are produced in our spine." Carina explained and drew a line down Ellies spine. "Moms spine is not doing that right now. It makes her blood sick and that is very bad." "Are you going to die?" Meena asked. Maya swallowed hard. "No. I am going to get treatment and medicine. I will get really sick and i might have to go to the hospital a lot." "Is the medicine going to make you feel better?" Louise asked. "Yes and no. It will make me feel much worse at first and it will take a long time for me to get better." "Like a month?" Meena asked. "No. Maybe even some years. We don't know." "I don't want you to be sick." Louise said and her lip wobbled. Maya pressed her close. "I know. Noone wants to be sick. It will be very hard. But i will fight and i will do my best to get better. I love you all very much and i want you to know, that i will do my best every day." "We will help you, Mom." "That is very nice of you." Carina said. "Just for you to know. Mommy and i might cry a little sometimes right now. Just that you know, we are okay. We are just sad that this is happening." "We can give hugs." Louise suggested. "I would like that very much." Maya said. "You need to help me and Mamma and try to be on your best behaviour. You might need to stay at your auntie and uncles houses sometimes. I might feel bad and i need rest and i would like mamma to cuddle me sometimes." "Mamma gives good cuddles." Louise said. Carina smiled. "But we love you, okay? You are awesome and if you feel sad or angry or anything at all you can still talk to us." "I love you, mommy and mamma." Meena said. "I love you, aswell." Louise said. "I love you." Ellie said and blew kisses to her parents. "We love you, too. Very very much." Maya pressed her daughters closer.

An: i am sorry.