Home is wherever i'm with you

Healing fucking hurts sometimes.

"How can we help?" Maya had opened the door for Teddy and Amelia. "i honestly have no idea. She will not eat. She will not move out of bed. She is just stuck." "Okay. Why don't i go talk to her and you two write an email to her therapist and her psychiatrist." Amelia suggested.
Maya nodded. "Thank you, Amelia."

"Hey." Amelia said as she knocked on the door. "Carina. I know you are awake." Carina didn't move. Amelia resorted to sit on the bed. "You have two options here. We talk about the obvious or i talk about my last surgery and i promise you i will not go away." Carina didn't respond her gaze was empty and she was staring at the celing. "Okay. Well. I started, by..." Amelia went on. She talked through half of the surrgery, when Carina said. "Amelia. Stop." "Are you talking to me now?" "No." "Okay." Amelia went on. "Are you ignoring me?" Carina said. "No. I am ignoring the demon." "Pf. Demon. What ever." "The demon is your mental illness. It is taking over, Carina. You have to fight it. Because the demon can destroy everything. It will start with the bond to your kids, your wife, yourself, your friends and your Job. Carina, Maya is writing to your psychiatrist and your therapist right now. Let them help you." Carina stared sobbing. "it is so hard." "I know. I know." "Would you like the tube for support? It could help just make you feel stronger. You have lost a lot of weight and you are shaky and i can tell you feel awefull." Carina cryed a little more then focused and took a deep breath. "No. I can do this. I did this once." "I know. I know you can do this." "Amelia, i can't." Carina says and dry heaves at the thought of eating something. "Lets try one more thing. Lets go downstairs, make a smoothie with me. You can see exactly what is in it. But i decide. If you drink 300ml of it, no tube. If not, i already have it. You don't even have to go to the hospital." Carina was quiet, then nodded. "Yeah." "Mhm." Amelia got up and held out her hands for Carina to get up. "Slowly. I can't have you passing out." Carina chuckled. "You good?" Carina nodded.

Meanwhile Maya and Teddy wrote to Carinas doctors. Maya was writing. Teddy was just there for moral support. Maya closed the laptop and placed it on the sofa table. She layed back against thr backrest and looked at the ceiling taking deep breaths. "I am here to listen, if you want to talk."  Maya shook her head and kept staring at the ceiling. After a little silence, Maya jumped up and paced around the room. She kicked a pillow on the flow and punched the livingroom table. "AHh. I... Why.. I... this not fair... I.. i need to.. I need to...run.. I am going on a run..." "Maya. Maya. Calm down." But Maya didn't listen, she was furious. She picked up her shoes and went to the door. "Maya, stop. It is snowing outside. You have just been sick." "I...I need...I need..to run." "You have a treadmill. Lets run there. In case Carina needs you." Maya nodded. "Yes. Yeah. Carina. I love her. Why did this have to happen to her?" "Its an illness. She has had it before. She has gotten over it before." "She was in a facility for half a year." "Yes. and she got better and if she needs one now, she will get to one and you... we will figure this out. Maya, you are not alone in this." "She hasn't eaten anything for four days. barely drank half a liter. i had to force her to take her anti-anxiety medication." "She has an eating disorder. Thats it. It is an eating disorder and it has been triggered by depression and anxiety, but it is nothing else. It is an eating disorder. " "I can't loose her." Maya said, tears pooling in her eyes. "You will not loose her." Maya slid down the entryway wall and Teddy sat down next to her. " When Andrea died, she was really really sad. She was not well. But i felt like i did something. I organized the funeral, spoke to his landlord and got all the paperwork figured out, i cancled all his subscribtions, i could do something. And she took the food i made her. She didn't eat a lot, but she ate and she got better. I am not saying she suffered less, but i am saying i feel helpless." "But you aren't. You felt like you needed assistance and you called Amelia and me." Maya nodded. "You are doing great, Maya. You are doing so great."

"Okay. Strawberries. These are the last ones and water and some of this proteinpowder." Amelia put it infront of Carina on the kitchen counter. Carina took a deep breath. "I am messuring." Amelia said and filled a messuring spoon with proteinpowder. "Thats too much." "No. My rules." Carina closed her eyes and took another deep breath. Maya was sitting at the table in the living room doing some work. Teddy had suggested, she busied herself to make Carina not feel so watched. "Okay. Cut the strawberries." Carina took her time to cut each strawberry, take the stem out and throw it in the blender. "Good. Now the water. " Amelia carefully watched her best friend and nodded. "Okay. Now the protein powder." Carina sighed and put the scoop in, she closed the lid an pressed start. Amelia put the shake and a cup. She specifically picked a cup with a lid and a straw. "Okay. Here this is 300ml. You know exacly what is in it. Drink this and no tube. Tomorrow the same. This shake and atleast 2 l water." "Okay. 300ml Shake and 2l, no tube." Carina said to herself. Amelia could see the anxiety in Carinas eyes. "Lets watch a movie. So you don't feel so watched." Maya closed her laptop. "I have to go pick up the kids." Carina wimpered looking at the shake. "My love." Maya said. "You can do this. You are amazing. You deserve this. This is good for your body. Your amazing body, that gave us our amazing girls. And that i love very much, please." Carina took the straw between her lips and took a sip. She left it in her mouth for a little and swallowed. Maya smiled. Carinas eyes were glistening with fear. "Don't leave me." she wispered. Teddy saw them. "I can go pick up the kids." "You don't have to. I can just call my mom." "No. Let me. Its just Meena and Louise now?" "Yes. Ellie has school until 4." Carina said. "Okay. Got it." Teddy said and grabbed her jacket. "I'll call the school to let them know." Maya said, but didn't leave Carinas side.

They watched Harry Potter. When the girls were home Maya gave them some lunch and then Teddy went in the playroom with them so they continued the movie. Carina managed to drink almost all of the shake, when the movie was over. "I am so proud of you my love." Maya said. "I love you." "I love you, too." "Last sip. You can do it." Carina nodded and took the last sip.

An: if anyone needs to talk, my dms are open. I am struggling mentaly aswell. Not with an eating disorder, but still and i am probably not the best in giving advice, but i can listen.
I can also listen if you just want to tell me something cool or you want to talk about the new episode or something, because i know noone in reallife, who is watching and i always bother my friends. 😅 But maybe we can find someone, who is gerneally interessted and not bothered, by cute marina tiktok spams😂