my hand was the one you reached for

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Therapy was really hard for Maya the next day. She was still not able to say the words and this time Carina would not be with her. She opened the door to the office and sat down waiting to be called in. She was increadibly dizzy today and it scared the shit out of her, that she now knew what this was. Her hands were sweaty as Dr. Diane Lewis called her in. "Maya. Come in." Diane could tell something was wrong with the blonde, but she kept a smile and let the firefighter come in and sit down first. "Okay. Maya. You don't look so well today." "I am not. I..." Maya stuggled. It felt like a thick ball was stuck in her throat. "I.. hmm." She took a few deep breaths to not start crying. "Would you like to write it down?" Maya nodded. Diane handed her a piece of paper and a pen. Mayas hand shoke, but she wrote. 'i have been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia yesterday.' She pushed the paper away and pulled her legs up. She hid her face in her arms and didn't see the shocked expression on Dianes face. "I am so sorry, Maya." Maya didn't react. She was crying silently and Diane allowed her to feel what she felt. "What are you feeling, when you think about this?" Diane asked. "I feel scared. This is unbelievably scary and maybe a little guilty?" "Why guilty?" "Hm... Carina is struggling already. I don't want this to be what makes it even worse." "But its not your fault?" "No. But with my job there is an increased risk and i ignored my symptoms and i... I... just.." Maya was starting to get worked up. "Breathe. Maya. Breathe." Maya calmed down. "Your job as a firefighter has you at an increased risk, but you could have gotten sick at any job. It happens and it is not your fault. Carina is your wife, she will push through this. You will get through this together."

They talked a little more and decided to keep the weekly scedule.

When Carina and Maya picked up Louise and Meena they asked the teachers to talk to them for a little. Because the Special Ed kids were getting lunch with the one-on-ones right now, they had a few minutes to listen to Carina, while Maya took Meena and Louise to the playground.
"We wanted to come and talk to you anyway. Both Louise and Meena seemed off today. They were very clingy and cryed over little things." Mr. Cowahan said. "Louise also told me, that she hates that you are so sad right now, Mrs. Deluca-Bishop." Mrs Rivera added. Carina nodded. "That sounds about right. I have been struggling with my mental health. I have an eating disorder. Thats also why i have the tube. I explained it to you via Email." "Yes. I remember." Mr. Cowahan said. "Times aren't easy for our family. I don't think the kids especially Ellie understand, what is happening, but it affects them." "Absolutly. We do everything in our power to help them. And if you need anything, just ask." "Unfortunatly my struggles aren't the only thing hitting our family right now." Carinas voice shook. This was so hard. A tear ran down her cheak. "I am sorry." Carina took a deep breath and looked upwards to stop crying. "Its okay, Mrs Deluca-Bishop. We understand." Mrs Rivera said and handed her a tissue. "Thank you." Carina gave her a sad smile. "My wife hasn't been well and after she collapsed at work, she had a few tests. We found out she has cancer. Acute Myeloid Leukaemia." Carina started sobbing and Mrs. Rivera went to her side to rub her back. The teachers looked shooked. "We are so sorry, Mrs Deluca-Bishop." Carina calmed a little and blew her nose again. "I am sorry. This just hits me very hard." "We understand, totaly. Anyone would be in tears with these news." Mrs Rivera said softly. "We will suport you in anyway." Mr Cowahan added. He was a teacher for quite some time, but bad news for the families of his kids never got easier. Carina nodded. "Thank you." "Can we discuss this in our team?" "Yes sure. I... I.. Yeah.. that is fine." Carina tryed to calm herself down. Her brain racing to everywhere.

When she had left the classroom. The teacher stared at eachother in silence. "I have never had that happen." Mrs Rivera said. She was a rather young teacher and these news hit her really hard. She wiped a tear away and Mr Cowahan nodded. "I only had it once. The father had lungcancer, died 3 months later." "I hope this doesn't happen to this family. I am not sure they can take it." Mrs Rivera sniffled and took a tissue for herself.

They discussed the topic in their team after the day. The one-on-ones were equally as shooked as the teachers were. Ellies one-on-one Hannah started crying a little. Having lost two grandparents to cancer. The others comforted the young one-on-one and they all decided to help the family as good as possible. Offering babysitting or homework help when needed. Also making sure the girls are well taken care of during their time at school.
"We could offer to take Meena and Louise in the afternoon class." Mr Cowahan offered. "Meena maybe, but Louise is so smart, she would be bored." Mrs Rivera said. "They could just do their homework and draw or something. We do PE on monday they can join that and swimming and we sometimes just go to the playground." "It sounds like a good idea." Yasmine said. "I agree." Mrs Rivera nodded and so did Hannah and Andrea. "I'll text the parents and suggest it. I can also understand, if they don't want. They might want as much time with the kids as they can get." "She is not diing." Hannah stated. "These girls need their mom. They can not loose her, so she is not diing." The others nodded and noone knew what to say now.

When the came home Carina made lunch. They hadn't talked much today. Maya sat down on the dining table and rested her head in her hands. Carina saw and went over to her. She softly caresed Mayas back. "Are you okay, Bambina." Maya nodded. "I am just dizzy." Carina nodded. "Can i take you bloodpressure?" She asked and Maya nodded. "What did the teachers say?" "They are sorry. They will help the way they can and we should ask if we need anything." Carina said, while getting the bp cuff and a stethoskope from the cupboard she kept her home-medical equipment.
She checked Maya and frowned. "Its very low, Bambina." Maya nodded. "I'll get you something to drink, maybe lay down." Maya nodded. She got up and walked over to the sofa. Carinas hand in her back to hold her, incase she fell. "This is going to be our life now?" "What do you mean?" "You doctoring me?" "I am sorry, Bambina. Tell me if its to much." "No. Its fine as long as i still get kisses and cuddles." "Always. But after lunch." "Yes. Lunch is important. I saw you skipped dinner yesterday." "But i had a yogurt for breakfast." Carina said. Maya nodded. "And i am proud of you for that. What are you having now?" "My plan says 350ml of a smoothie with one scoop of protein powder. I'll heat some caserole for the kids and you. Maybe i'll try some." "That would make me very happy. But i am happy, if you finish your smoothie." Maya chuckled.

The had Lunch and then helped the girls with their homework.

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