Home is wherever i'm with you

Keep careful watch of my brothers soul

When the treatment was done, the nurses checked on Maya and deemed her vitals okay. Unfortunatly Carina was called to an emergency and had to leave Maya. Maya told her she was fine and kissed her goodbye.

While she was waiting for Carina to come back, Maya was batteling nausea. It came in waves. She breathed deeply through her nose and mouth. "First day?" A voice asked. Maya opened her eyes. "Yes." She said quietly. "It doesn't get better, but it gets easier to handle." "Okay." Maya kept her sentences short. "My name is Lisa. Stomachcancer. I am on my 6th cycle." "Maya. Leukaemia." "Sucks. Do you have a family?" "I do. My wife just left. And i have four daughters." Maya lost the battle and threw up violently. Lisa rang for a nurse and talked calmingly to the blonde. The nurse gave Maya some more meds and a new bag and told her to sit upright to let gravity help. Maya nodded. "Do you have family?" "My husband. But he is working two jobs to afford my treatments." "I am sorry." Maya felt deeply sorry, she didn't know what she would do without Carina here. "Its okay. You are quite young for being here." "I have a high risk job." Maya answered. "Oh. Well I just have crappy genes." Lisa laughed. They talked a little and after half an hour Mayas phone rang. "Thats my daughter. Hey Nina. How are you?" "That was what i was ringing you about. You got your first treatment today?" "Yes. I am already done, but your Mamma got called into an emergency and she likes me to stay were i am supervised." "Mamma is just looking out for you. How are you feeling?" "Nauseous. But i got something, it is getting better." "Thats good. How are the tripplets?" "Fine. Meena and Louise seem to enjoy their afternoons. I hope that stays." "I am sure. They have wonderfull teachers. If i could say that about my professors." "Do i need to come down there and confront someone?" "No. My neurology professor is an ass. He questioned 3 people including me and gave the other two 100 and me 70. I am not mad. 70 in neurology is really good, but i asked, what i could do to be better. He said, i am an adult and i shouldn't ask so stupid questions, if i know i will never pass this class." "Seriously?" "He is a dick. Rylee had him last year. She said he was just like that to one of his students, too." "Language, Bellina. But you are right. If you need me to talk to him, i can." "Oh no. You did me a favor already, i should have handed in a paper today." "In your second week?" "Yes. But i didn't do it, the professor lets me do it again, because i told him you have cancer." Maya laughed. "I promise not to do it again, but i really wasn't in the headspace to write it." "Thats okay, bellina. But don't do it again." Nina smiled. "I am coming home on friday." "I am looking forward to it." "Me, too." Nina smiled. "I have to hang up now, Mom. My next class starts." "Bye, Nina I love you." "I love you, too. Keep it up, Mom. See you on friday."

Carina picked Maya up at noon. They got home and ate something. Maya had some noodle soup, because her stomach was still slightly off and Carina had some ovenvegetables, that she had heated up. Seeing Carina eat all her plate, made Maya very happy. She was so scared Carina would struggle again, but right now she was doing okay.

In the afternoon Maya hung out with her Mom. Kathrine did their laundry and then they watched some TV together. Carina had an apointment with her psychiatrist.

"Hello Dr. Deluca-Bishop."  "Hello, Dr Misovic." Carina sat down infront of the doctor. "What can i help you with?" "I have been struggeling. I had a flare up of my eating disorder before Christmas." "What has triggered it?" "My father killed himself. But that sounds worse than it was. I have had barely any contact to my dad. I didn't even tell him about my kids. He is not aproving of my marriage and made my life growing up hell. When i saw him last, this summer he insulted me and said i should have died instead of my brother." "Those are very bad accusations." "He has bipolar 1. But he will not treat it." The psychiatrist nodded. "I suppose that is what caused him to kill himself?" "I don't know, but i think so. He got really bad depressive episodes after the mania." "You were living with him?" "Yes. I lived with him and my mom and my brother and i stayed in Italy with him when i was 16, when my mom and my brother moved to the US." "When did you move out?" "I moved to Rome to go to uni when i was 18, but he still had some leverage over me. I went to an inpatient treatment, but i couldn't quite cut the cords with him. I did my residency and my dad got a job at the same hospital and made fun of me. 'Having a career helping women have babys, a thing they can do on their own since the dawn of time." "Is that what he said to you?" "Yes. Mulitble times."  "Why do you think his death hit you so hard?" The psychiatrist pushed. "My dads siblings are very conservative, the are under the impression, it was my duty as a daughter to support my father, they called me a lot of times and blamed me for his death." "I remember they also blamed you for your mothers death?" "Yes. They said, my mom died, because i was with women." The psychiatrist sighed. "Have they stopped reaching out to you?" Carina nodded. "I have also gotten better. It was really bad but i am getting some food down most days. Its just, my wife has been diagnosed with cancer last week. She is starting chemo and i need to be okay, to be there for her. I need something to take the edge off the anxiety around food and get on my feet properly, that she doesn't have to worry about me aswell." "I am very sorry." Dr. Misovic looked shocked. "I understand you want to do something." "I have been on alprazolam for years and it has worked well. Apart from the occasional bad days." "I see you were on 1mg. Would you like to increase them or try a different?" "What would you recomend?" Carina honestly didn't know. "I would recomend to gradually increase the dosage. Aiming for 1,5mg. You start with. 1,1mg for a week see if you do well. Then you can increase to 1,3 and then 1,5. I would say take a week for each. Call me if something happens. You know the sideeffects." "Yes." "Okay. Good here is your prescription. You just take your regular pill with the 0,1mg pill that i have here and then you take 3 and then 5 of them,  once you are balanced on the 1,5mg, i will write you a perscription for that, so you only have to take one pill." "Okay, Thank you." "Your welcome." "Good bye." "Get well soon to you and your wife."