𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐄𝐝𝐞𝐧 | 𝘈𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯'𝘴 𝘊𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥 |

44 | 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

November 16, 2014

I swiftly and quietly run out of the room, knocking on Rebecca's with urgency. The woman answers the door, tiny eyes and dishevel long hair adorining her look. She sighs and opens further, letting me pass.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure of receiving you at nine in the morning? Because so far, there's none." She heads to her kitchen and starts making some coffee.

"I.. I need help, understanding some things." She nods, her back turned to me.

"Alright, if I can, shoot." I run my tongue over my lips, slightly embarrassed by the situation.

"I've had this going around in mind for a few days.. and, well I.. how do you know you're.. in love?." She whips her head all the way towards me, her eyes now becoming completely wide open, sleep disappearing.

"Hello? Where is this coming from? Who's the lucky dude?." Her tone is mixed with curiosity and intrigue, letting me believe that this isn't the first time she's had this conversation.

"Just answer the question, Becs." She turns once she's done, letting the beverage brew and giving me her full attention.

"Well, have you ever loved somebody? Like, any men back then?." I look down, thinking back to only one. The one that got me banished.

"I did? I don't know.. I've never had anyone ask me to be theirs, or that he loved me.. there was someone, but.. it was more a game for him than anything. I'm not sure I even know if I loved him or not." She walks around and sits on the aisle beside me, I do so as well.

"Did you feel giddy when he was around? What went through your mind when you saw him? What was he like with you, close or distant?." I dig through my memories and straight to the chest of unwanted memories.

"I would feel.. excited. When I knew he was on his way, when he appeared out of nowhere, it was like my heart would come out of my mouth. He had his days where he was rather cold as well, only opening up when he wanted something. I don't know." She stares as I explain, her doe eyes taking a saddened appearance. She breathes deeply after analyzing my words, thinking how to go about with the situation.

"I'm sorry to ask but, what about Ares? Or your mother? Did you ever had anyone to say any of this to? So they could help?." I swallow the bitter memories of her words.

"I.. I had them.. even brothers. But they wouldn't have done anything for me." She breathes loudly, not being able to believe my words.

"The longer the time I spent away from home, the calmer their lives were. I was nothing but trouble, I wasn't the daughter they wanted, so they left me to deal with the outcome of my decisions alone, even when they knew I was in danger. I never had friends, everyone who came close to me ended up going away in no time, or would simply make my life miserable. The only one I had as close as a mother would be was Minerva, and that was at the very end." She remains silent, playing with a strand of hair falling on her chest.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, we were on a topic and ended up in another. Never mind that uh.. well, for what you say, that sounds more like fear to me. Or some sort of attachment, emotional." I furrow my brows at her words, not understanding them.

"What do you mean?." She exhales as she gets up and serves the finished coffee, coming back immediately after and taking a sip.

"You said that when you knew he was close or would scare you, your heart would race, that's not love, that's fear. All of it is fear, and manipulation, only becoming lovable when he wanted something for his own benefit." I look down at her words, being ashamed of who I really was, was I so messed up?.