multifandom oneshots/preferences

xxxviii. ready or not--khonshu (moon knight)

a/n: not too too sure if this one requires any warnings, but beware that the main plot is about dying of cancer

"I think the end is near," you look into the empty sockets before you. 

It's not even close, the voice echoes in your mind as the beak shakes back and forth. Maybe your body will decay, but your consciousness will not. It will simply return to the universe.

"I can feel my ribs closing in on my lungs, Khonshu. I'm going to die, and what can these hallucinations do to help?"

Bodies die, not people. And these are no hallucinations. I've assured you that all of our interactions have been real.

You swallow, feeling the tinge of pain as your throat aches. 

"I hope you're right, Khonshu. No one believes me when I say I can talk to my dreams," you try to chuckle, but it comes out as an awkward huff.

I will be waiting at the light, Khonshu replies, reaching a hand out to touch your forehead. Awaken. 

...

You wake up in your bed with your mother and best friend by your side. In your peripheral vision, you can see your reflection in the window with the rising full moon near your emaciated image. 

Something people forget about Stage 4 cancer patients is that they do in fact look like someone who has rapidly deteriorated. A part of you wonders how your family can still stand to look at you. 

"I don't want to leave you," you tell the people with you. 

Your mom swallows a sob as fresh tears well in her eyes. "I know, honey. But at least you'll not be sick."

"I love you guys," you wipe a tear under your eye. "I didn't want this to happen."

"We know. We just...we just want you to be at peace," your best friend sniffles. 

"You know how when your computer has to prepare to shut down and it takes super goddamn long? I think that's what's happening right now," you joke, rubbing at an ache on your sternum. 

You joke but this is terrifying. 

Maybe you're not at full terms with your mortality yet. 

Maybe you're not so sure you are okay with dying...but then again, you're also not so sure that your body can hold on much longer.

Ten minutes later, with more family and friends in the room, you begin to feel your extremities turn off. The systems in your body are short circuiting trying to prepare themselves for death, and you feel a bit like you're shaking with how sensitive you are to the internal movement. The only thing grounding you is your mother keeping a tight grip on your arm and continuously assuring you that it will be okay. 

Soon enough, you can no longer feel her grip on your arm. 

Every breath becomes labored until you feel your last few being sucked in. You're no longer in your body, you are simply a floating consciousness. Maybe Khonshu was right.

A faint glow emits from behind you, so you turn to face the light.

"I will be waiting at the light."

Sure enough, from the blinding light emerges the familiar god, who approaches you without a word and takes your hands in his. 

"Argh, shit!" you swear as you lose your balance. Khonshu's hands quickly move to your shoulders to stabilize you as you open your eyes. 

"...Oh my god," you gasp, looking down at arms with actual flesh and form. There's hair hanging in your face...that's attached to your head. 

You're not in a hospital gown anymore, either. You're wrapped in a soft gray tunic with matching pants and a cloak hanging on your back. 

"Khonshu, what is this?" you ask in a panic.

You have died, Y/n, the beak lowers. 

"Oh, it actually happened."

I'm sorry. 

"Where are we?" you ask, scanning the nondescript concrete surrounding you.

A parking lot about a block away from the hospital.

So many questions swirl through your mind but the only one that makes it to your lips is "Can I go there?"

They won't see you. They'll only see your body.

"Just one more time, Khonshu," you beg. 

The god nods and begins to lead you toward the hospital. As you step next to him, you notice your feet don't strike the ground like they used to; rather, they move above it without a sound. 

You reach the hospital in silence. You can't interact with the world around you anymore, and it's such a bizarre feeling. You try to push open doors or knock on windows with no avail. 

You can, however, move through the walls. That's how it was so easy to get to your room on the 5th floor of the hospital at all. 

Khonshu is still following patiently behind you as you phase through the door to your room. 

Your mother and your best friend are bent over your body, their sobs muffled by your gown and what's left of your body. Your muscles begin to relax and your jaw starts to drop. 

Every fiber of your ghost wants to run up to your mom and tell her you're still there! You can still see her. 

She wouldn't be able to see you, Y/n, Khonshu lays a hand on your shoulder. I'm so sorry.

Tears well in your phantom eyes as you drop to your knees. 

"...mom," you wheeze in desperation. 

"It was time, honey," your mom whimpers into the crook of your neck.

Your best friend reminds your corpse that she loves you before turning on her heel to cry in the hallway. 

"Rest well, okay?" your mom sniffles, pulling away from your body and brushing a finger over your stretched cheek. 

Y/n, if it is any consolation, Khonshu kneels down next to you, she will be okay. I've asked a few of my colleagues and even though it takes time, your family will heal. There will always be a scar left from your absence, but they will learn to live in your memory.

Regardless of how true that may be, there is very little that is more jarring than seeing a woman overtaken by grief crumpling over her dead child's body. 

She has closure that you're not miserable now.

"Physically, maybe," you wipe your face clean. 

In time, you too will heal. In great part due to the love for you that still exists on this plane.

"Will they heal because I still love them?" you look up at Khonshu.

They will not be able to sense it, but they will most certainly know it exists.

...

slightly angsty, slightly out of my usual range of writing

i hope you enjoyed reading it anyway!