Swaying in my chair, I thought a lot about what De had said..about switching the tempo of my pen game. Could someone like me really come up with some raw gritty shit from the streets, hell I was a middle class goody two shoe southern belle...or what was left anyway. De wasn't too far behind with his church upbringing. Yet it never conflict with his craft, writing massive hits for new upcoming rappers in the game.
But like Atlantic once sung.. with my own spin: If my heart wasn't in it then why couldn't I tell him so? Dropping my head in defeat, I let the pen fall to the floor annoyed that I couldn't come up with anything.
"This isn't me" I whispered to myself. "What isn't you?". I turned to see Static coming in with sincerity and a speck of curiosity in his voice. I gave a huff, ready to bare it all. "Ya boy wants me to switch it up" I explained "Guess the lyrics I've been writing aren't hitting like they use to". Stat grabbed a seat next to the soundboard and joined me. "Can't really write if ya heart isn't in it". "Oh My G—, why did I just say the same shit?". I laughed as we quickly sung the words like a couple of old timers.
Me and Stat were always on the same page when it came to our music. Problem was, De didn't seem to understand nor get the the memo as of lately.
"NOW THAT JOINT was a hit" I chuckled. "You ain lyin. Had nighas in they feels for reals" he added as our laughter died down.
"It's far from the Forever My Lady days huh?" He joked. "Tell me about it. Now it's all gangsta rap and fucking bitches" I sighed rubbing my temple. "Stat how in the hell am I suppose to channel my inner Thug Life?". Static gave a wholesome laugh knowing I was out of my comfort zone. "Seriously. If I don't come up with something De's gonna remove me from a lot of these projects".
"And what if he does?" he challenged "What's next for Diamond?". I looked to him bemused by his question. That was like asking how could I breath without oxygen. "Look all I'm hearing is how De wants this and he wants that but what do YOU WANT?". For the first time, in a long time someone asked me what I wanted. Not saying that De wasn't doing his part but at the end of the day, he'd always have the final say.
"I want to write about what I know" I replied "Shit that makes me happy. When we did Come Play I was only thinking about winning the competition when I should've...".
Static frowned awaiting me to finish.
"I should've listen to Demi" I huffed "She told me things would never be the same and she was right. She was always right". "Missing your crew?" He then asked. I took a minute to recollect all the memories I shared with me and my girls doing what we loved. That competition was just a taste of what the industry could do. Destroy years of lifelong friendships and bonds, thinking they had your best interest when in actuality...you were just a cash cow
And I prayed I wasn't Devantè's.
"I gotta talk to him Stat" I resonated "Tell him this isn't my lane of expertise". Stat gave a sympathetic smirk nodding along.
If he loves me he wouldn't hold that shit against me. Taking out my pager I typed in the three digit code 180, insisting that he call. Within a five-minute timespan, my cellular rang as me and Stat's eyes locked. "Yeeeaaa..I'ma let you handle that sis" he sat up gently patting me on the shoulder as he gracefully walked out of the studio leaving me with my worries. Taking a tremendous amount of oxygen, I answered.
"Hey" was all I could summon up. "Everything good?" He replied with a quizzical remark. I dropped my head as I tried amping my volume.
