ONLY YOU (BOOK 5)

Porch

Lizzie POV

My car lights hit the front side of the house while I drove closer to stop eventually next to Nora's car.
I already saw her sitting there on the swing that was on the porch. With her legs sitting crisscrossed and a blanket surrounded her while a glass of wine was standing next to her on a little table.

I couldn't quite catch her expression yet. If it looked joyful or not. I couldn't tell until I got closer.
She looked neutral. Not a smile was resting on her lips and neither was her face frowned.

I looked up to see if there were any lights on but it looks dark. Seems like Chase and Quinn went to bed already. The only dimmed light I saw was behind Nora and it came from the living room and kitchen.

„Hey love." I kissed her head as I greeted her with a stroke on her arm. I was greeted with silence at first.

„Hey Liz." she replied with a short smile. But it faded just as quick as it appeared.

„I can tell something is wrong. Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked as I sat down next to her which made the swing starting swinging again from the sudden movements.

„Getting right into it huh?" she asked me as she grabbed the second empty glass next to her halfway filled one. She already had a new glass out waiting for me even though I wasn't there yet.

She poured me a glass and handed It over to me in silence. She refilled hers a bit and drank out of it immediately after placing the bottle aside.

„I am not really into talking right now."
She told me and here we are again. She is closing up on me.

„But I do wanna talk about something."

„Lizzie. I don't have the head for this right now. So please-."

„I don't want to go to bed while being mad."
I explained her.

„Are you mad at me?" she asked quickly and a bit taken back.

„No you are mad at me and I don't want to go to bed unless we talked about what is going on. There are a lot of unspoken things between us and I want to clear the air so we can rest properly."

„Some things are meant to stay unspoken. I am tired I'll just drink up and go to bed."
She wanted to stand up but I held her back reaching my arm out.

„I can feel that you are mad at me. For whatever I did. I had my reasons and I am not sorry for my actions."

„So this is what you wanted to talk about? That you are not sorry for what you did?" she questioned sounding mad now and with that change of voice I can not only feel but also hear that she is hurt.

„Maybe you should have talked to me first when you were planing on begging my father to bail me out of jail."

„Nora I had no other option. I couldn't just let you stay there until Ruby would solve things."

„But him? Out of all the people you know. You chose him to get me out? He will always use this card on you now that he helped you out once. Believe me he is gonna use it against you somehow.
So what I don't understand is why did you do it?"

„I couldn't live another day with having you behind bars, just because you defended my life.
I don't regret doing what I did to get you out.
I do it because I care. I care for your life more than I do for mine and I care for our kids more than anything, that I can't let them grow up without having you there. I expected a thank you at least."
I fired back at her and she staid silent while watching me closely.

„You don't have anything to say?" I asked her and she is sitting there as if she forgot how to speak.

„Most of the times it is just hard to believe that you care for someone like me at all."

„Someone like you?" I asked confused wanting her to explain herself to me.

„Yes. A fucking traumatized mess that is unable to love. Someone that has trust issues implanted in her mind and they go so far that I don't even trust myself on my own decisions sometimes. Someone so-."

„Let me stop you there. The only part I am agreeing on is that you are traumatized. But this is none of your fault. It was never and it never will be.
You were born into that family. And that relationship was toxic and manipulative but not because of you."

„I am tired of being this mess Lizzie! I don't want to carry this weight on my shoulders anymore I can't bare it anymore. I just want it to stop." she became a bit louder at the end and she took off her glasses to rub her eyes.

„I don't want to feel the guilt, the pain, especially the shame. I can't even look into the mirror sometimes. Cause I start to see what I used to see in a daily basis. The bruises. The scratches. How he touched me. How his hands glided over my bare skin Lizzie I can't take it any longer." she broke apart and I wanted to pull her into my arms so bad but I don't know if it is appropriate since she talked about how she was touched. I don't want to touch her in a way he did. I don't want to be the trigger for making things worse.

But I feel like she read my mind because after seconds she fell into my arms seeking the touch of my arms around her. She came to me for that hug and that is a sign that she feel okay with me touching her in a situation where she is so fragile.

„I-I cannot stand it anymore. The memories Lizzie.
The gut wrenching feeling I have to live with for the rest of my life that I was touched in a way that I would have never wanted. I hated it. I hate him.
Heck I hate myself for being so weak."

„My love. You are everything but it is most definitely not weak. Absolutely not. You are the strongest person I have ever met and I am not saying that just to cheer you up. Those are facts.
You have a power in yourself that keeps you moving on even if your mind might be stuck in those places sometimes. The things that happened to you are unforgivable. But you can always remember that it will never, really never it will never happen again and I am laying my hand into the fire for this. I will move heavens and earth for you if it means that you will stay beide me safe. Where you belong to. You belong to me and I belong to you. Only you!!"

„I don't know what I did to deserve you. But please promise me. Don't leave me. Ever."

„I don't even have the capability to leave your side even if I would want to I'd always end up beside you. I'll always come back when we fight. I can't live without you. I can't breathe without you and I can't think clear without knowing that you are safe."

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