ONLY YOU (BOOK 5)

A/n

What I am about to write has nothing to do with the story. So if you are not interested in reading then you don't have to. You won't miss out on anything.

I usually never do this but I actually do have the urge so I'll just let you guys in on some of my thoughts and feelings even if this might be odd because we don't know each other.

I watched Barbie today. I didn't expect a lot but I most definitely didn't expect to cry. Or to feel so empty after watching it. I wasn't really a girly girl back in the days and I don't consider being one now. But deep down I am a girls girl and I always will be.

This movie gave me so much joy and clearance at the same time that it made me reflect on a lot of things that go around in this world. It made me think back to the time when I used to play with Barbie's and how I forgot when the last day was, when I played with them.

How i used to be so anti Barbie when I was a child because i only grew up with boys. So I learned to love the things that the man's world loves. Soccer and action figures.

It also made me reflect on my relationship towards my mother. Which has a lot of ups and downs but what mother daughter duo doesn't have that? Right?

It made me think of how many things she had sacrificed just for her children to feel joy. Now that I've watched the movie I've come to the realization that we might have been growing up to fast.

To me i feel like Barbie land is that place where all the thought of us young girls are living in. I don't know if I am speaking for a lot of you because if I may assume it i guess a lot of girls/women follow my story along.

If you are a guy or anything in between so be it. Keep on reading and maybe I'll let you see clearer too.
Because men think that they understand us but in all honesty they don't and I don't think that they ever will.
Pessimistic I know.

Coming back to the Barbie land. It's our mind as a little girl. How every Barbie becomes a doctor or pilot or even a president. How it is a perfect place where you can be whatever and whoever you want.

But then there is our real world.. and at some point in life we had our turning point from being a little girl to becoming a teenager. I didn't know back in the days how fucked up this world is that is being ruled by tons of testosterone pumped up men.

That clearance came to my mind after I was out of puberty. But even during my teenage years I felt deep down that this little hopeful and dreamy girl isn't gonna find what she is looking for in the real world.

But at some point in life I feel like I've lost a spark.
The Barbie movie just made it clearer to me. How delightful i used to be and how positive i saw everything around me. But that only because i was to young to understand what was really going on.

I don't think I will witness the day where the patriarchy falls to ashes. I won't see the day where we will witness peace upon the whole world. Where world hunger stops and war ends. And that all because of men.
I don't care if I get hate for saying what I said.
But if anyone tells me that men are supposed to rule the world. Fuck you and for thinking that cause have you seen the news lately? Or did you read a history book once? Cause guess what. Men created all these wars.

But I don't want to be political here. Even though Barbie gives us a message about that too.

What I am implying on is that i think that our girls hood should become stronger. The actress America Ferrera did a beautiful speech on what it's like to be a woman and how it is. How we are supposed to be perfect. That you have to have the will to be skinny but not say skinny, you wanna be healthy. Or you don't want to dress up to flattering cause you don't want eyes on you from men and you most definitely don't want to compete to other girls. Or come off as a threat for them.

Or how you have to balance to be a mom and not talk about your kids or have money but you aren't allowed to ask for it.

With everything we feel and with everything we have to go through we have to balance to be perfect.
What we face on a daily basis.

How i am not comfortable on wearing a top because I can feel how men stare in the subway. Probably thinking „oh she is asking for it" or how elder women might think „how dare she wears something so revealing."

It's a great resemblance how it has been portrayed with Barbie and Ken when they came into the real world. Ken felt appreciated most importantly respected.
Barbie on the other hand felt an instant discomfort.

Because that is how every women feels someday.
Every move of us is being watched. What we wear. How we wear it. How we talk and how we react.
Nothing goes unseen. Everything will be noticed and most importantly it will be judged. Behind our backs and sometimes even in front of us.

What I would give to travel back in time to relive a moment where I used to play with my Barbie's without having any negative thoughts and doubts. How much I would love to hold my younger self. How I wished I would've been held when I was a kid but I couldn't really express the need of it.

I just want that we women and girls stick a bit closer together. Try not to judge each other. I catch myself doing it too sometimes, but I am trying my best to not repeat it.
We should help each other more. Men might try to creat a wedge between us. But no matter how hard they try we should try to stick together regardless.

I know this sounds unrealistic. Because I know and experienced myself that some women are horrible.
But it rarely happens.

Over all please be gentle with one another. You never know what is going on in someone's head. What they had to face, what they feel and what they think.
We shouldn't make each other feel insecure.
Cause let's face it...We already are. At least I am and I am sure some out there might be too.

I would love to give you all a hug. Maybe this big ass paragraph felt like one. It did to me cause i can't help myself when I like to share sometimes.

I've sheed some tears today (sorry I am an emotional wreck sometimes) and I will most definitely do it again when I will rewatch Barbie.

I love being a women. I love being a girls girl.

So if you read it this far damn, cause I didn't expect it haha

So a Little reminder.

Be Kind to yourself. To others too!!
Give your mom that extra hug once in a while because she might be missing her little girl that grew up so quick.

Whatever you have to go through you are not alone even if it feels like you are. Someone else might have faced the same challenges you have to face and they did it with the same struggle but they got through and so will you.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm try my best to not be so hard on myself as well.
Even if I tend to do so.

I am glad to know that some young women and girls out there might relate to what I said. Barbie hit a really soft spot in my heart and it will have a special place there from now.

I love you all, thank you for everything.

Now enough of that soggy shit. I am not that sentimental all the time.

Little Addition:

Like our mother Taylor Swift once said
„Fuck the patriarchy"

I'll try to update another chapter as soon as I can.

Peace and love ✌🏽❤️
Your dearest writer

~S