Leah and her soldier

Therapy

I'm currently sitting in the waiting room of my therapists office. It's an alright room but I hate the wait I just like to get in there and get it over with. But then I always get here early I can't be late to anything, it's a military thing. My therapist he's alright his name is Mark quite older than me but we have said he is not old he is experienced. I get called in "hi Chris how are we today?" "Not bad not bad you?" "Yeah good thank you how was your Christmas?" "Wow just jumping straight in there doc" "eventful then?" I kick my shoes off and lie on the sofa "really eventful then?" "You have no idea doc" "should we start with that then?" "Ok then so yep everything was going fantastic mum being over bearing as usual but I didn't mind because she cares" "sounds normal so far" "yep then my friend Emily went to a Christmas event at Arsenal women's" "did something happen?" "Her and Leah got into an argument which led to Leah finding out I didn't cheat and her ex manipulated photo's" "that's good isn't it?" "It is but not for an unstable ex vet who tried to kill herself and was struggling to deal with the information because Emily told Leah everything in the heat of the argument" "what happened next?" "Well my mum and Emily became very protective and were all your not talking to her and your not seeing her, I forgot to mention Leah went to Kats looking for me" "did you see or speak to Leah?" "At that point no but I did unblock her number" "ok then what" "I got Leah a dog for Christmas and dropped her off at her mums on Christmas Day but then just bolted so I didn't see her but then Leah text me that night and we spoke through text which really pissed mum off but Kieth helped me with that one" "ok then what?" "I took the family out for a meal at my favourite Italians and I didn't know Leah had went with her parents, that was until we were leaving and Leah came running after me and almost got him by a drunk driver but I pushed her out of the way got him by the car myself ended up with a broken wrist and a concussion" "Jesus Chris you don't do things by half do you" "oh that's not all" "how can that not be all?" "Leah and her parents came to a New Year's Eve thing at a family friends and Leah came up to my room, I couldn't join everyone and then we hugged and then she kissed me and then we slept together" "just to complicate the situation?" "Yep, then I went home lost my phone had Leah shout at me and now we are back together" "talk about an eventful Christmas" "yep ohhh something else happened" "there's more?" "Yeah so me and mum go into and argument last week and somethings were said like her calling me a disappointment and that, I couldn't handle it and ended up hurting myself" "can I see?" I show Mark my arm "and there has been no more since?" "No" "that's good and thank you for being honest" "no problem doc" "I wish you would stop calling me doc" "but it makes our sessions more fun" "speaking of which are we going to get into your childhood" "I suppose what do you want to know first?" "Start at the beginning what were your parents like?" "My mum was awesome always cheery" "and your dad?" "I don't remember too much about him he was always working" "ok so let's start with you mum what did she do?" "She was a stay at home mum always there she was my best friend I loved spending time with her, we would bake, go out on walks, have movie nights, that was until it all got taken away from me" "who took it away?" "Some selfish terrorist bastard who thinks that any god wants a blood to be shed in his name, now I'm not religious but I do take an interest in other people's beliefs and people are just taking the bibles readings and twisting it to fit what they believe and thats in any religion where they use the readings to inflict pain or terror" "your very passionate about this" "these are the reason I ended up in care" "you say you take interest in other people's beliefs what do you mean by that?" "Well I'm not religious like I said but it fascinates me why other people believe and the different beliefs in other cultures. There is a church in zakynthos town in zante called the church of agios dionysios dedicated to the protector of the island and it is beautiful it has the story of heaven earth and hell painted on the wall every time I go I light a candle for my parents" "so you find religion fascinating but not a believer" "I find it very fascinating there is so many different stories that all lead to the same place" "what place is that?" "The pearly white gates" "well that's well put so you ended up in care did you have no family you could go with?" "I had my nana but when the bomb went off on the tube my nana had to pick me up from school, we hoped that they were just struggling to get home but 2 days later we got the visit from the police confirming the worst" "that must of been horrible" "it was but then my nana said I looked too much like my mum and she couldn't handle that so for them to take me away." There is a moment of silence "how does that make you feel?" "What a stupid question how would it make you feel? It makes you feel like shit, I just lost my parents and my nana told me she didn't want me so yeah next question doc" "ok what happened next?" "I turned into an arsehole getting sent back to the social as often as possible that was until I met Diane, she never gave up on me" "is this who you call mum now?" "She is my mum, she never gave up on me even though I put her through hell and I would not be here without her, she's getting married next month and I'm giving her away" "something to look forward to" "very much so." "Well Chris that's us for today next session I think we are up to you joining the army" "that we are" I put my shoes on "always a pleasure doc" "see you next week Chris."

I head home and lie on the settee with Bella "my god that was an exhausting session, and again I'm talking to you like you can answer." There is a knock on the door so I go answer it "not that I'm not happy to see yous but what are yous doing here?" "Nice to see you too sweetheart" "that's not what I mean mum I just got back from therapy and I'm a little drained that's all but please come in" "oh so we delved a little deeper this time?" "Yeah" "is that why you're not at work?" "No I have physio this afternoon but even if I didn't I probably wouldn't be in anyway that was a big session" I go and collapse back on the sofa "you know we proud of you the Chris" "thanks emz" "so are you going to tell us what happened?" "We talked about my parents" "is that all?" "What do you mean is that all? That's a tuff subject to talk about" "that's not what I mean sweetheart I meant did you talk about anything else?" "Yes actually everything that happened over Christmas but please can we not get into it that really was a draining session." I can tell they are struggling for a topic of conversation "what's next in physio?" "Well I'm running now so now it is weighted squats well just squats because of the wrist" "you're making some serious progress" "thanks" "what time is your appointment?" "3.30" "do you mind if we just sit and watch tv with you then?" "Go for it." I put shadow hunters on and just lie on the sofa "can you guys smell gas? I swear I keep smelling it" "no I can't smell anything" "me either" "I must be losing my fucking mind plus I keep talking to Bella like she can respond" "does she respond" "no she looks at me like I'm a fucking idiot" "well if the shoe fits" "well that's just rude" "have you phoned someone out about the gas smell?" "Yeah they never found anything" "could it be coming from outside?" "Maybe I don't know never mind but I'm going to get sorted for physio" "ok well come over if you want later" "I'm probably just going to get a take away and have an early night mum but thank you" "ok sweat heart call us if you need us" "will do I will see yous later."

I get ready and go to physio "hi Chris you ready for this?" "As ready as ever" "you sound enthusiastic" "sorry I had therapy this morning so just a bit tired" "and what happened to your wrist?" "Got run over just after Christmas" "fucking hell you really are just one of a kind aren't you?" "Did you just swear? I'm impressed." We start our session and everything is going well and again I must end up zoning out again because Vicky is right in my face "Chris?" "Yeah?" "What happened you just stared into a space mumbling?" "I don't know that happened last night as well at mums but I was really tired then and am again now so I think it is because I'm tired" "ok so why don't we call it a day and pick up in 2 weeks" "thanks Vicky you are a diamond." I head home and order a take away I am feeling extremely drained and tomorrow I have that careers day thing at Kats school. If it wasn't Kat I wouldn't be doing it. After I finish my tea I wash up and go back to the sofa when my phone starts ringing "hey Kat is everything alright?" "Hi Chris yeah everything's good your mum told me your therapy session drained you today so you don't have to do tomorrow if your not up to it" "I will be fine Kat I promise a good nights sleep and I will be right as reign" "only if your sure Chris" "I'm very sure Kat I will see you tomorrow" "see you tomorrow Chris." After having another short phone call with Leah I end up going to bed. I hate that I'm this tired that I can't even have a conversation with the woman I love. But I have promised a very long conversation tomorrow.