Typical

Chapter sixty eight

Her eyes fell into the back of her skull, all the color washed from her face.

I realized in that moment that the opposite of love was not hate, it was indifference (not my quote)

And me and Willow, this beautiful, smart, funny, complicated girl was not anything like me.

I didn't hate her,

I could never hate her.

But we were different

"Did I hear you right"? She mumbled, chewing the skin off her lip faster than ever.

My palms sweat and my knees felt wobbly but I wasn't going to back out again.

"No.. Will I don't want to hurt you, I love you so much it's just.." I tried to walk closed to her, tried to hold her warm cheeks in my hands but she just backed away, shaking her head.

"No. No. Shawn we were fine an hour ago, everything was okay and you.."

Her eyes were all over the place, everywhere except on me.

The moment I found her I knew I wanted to love her, I knew I wanted to spend endless days with this women and treat her the way she deserved to be treated but our fighting and our screaming..

It wasn't healthy, it never was.

We were lying to each other.

"You said you loved me, you loved me so much"

She was crying and shaking, I head to squeeze my eyes shut.

Looking at her this way didn't feel right.

It hurt.

"I do love you baby girl.. I love you so much but we hurt, we hurt everyday because we came to each other at the right and wrong time."

"Fuck you Shawn. Fuck you, you can't do this to me. You can't.."

She just kept shaking her head over and over again like that day at my house.

I didn't want to loose her.

I couldn't explain it.

"Please don't leave me.." She was sniffling before dropping her head in her hands.

Willow was the only girl who made me catch my breath, she helped me breathe and before she came along I must have been blue. 

She was like my favorite song on the radio or falling in love with a new book.

But I was tired of hurting each other.

"I have to go"

Turning and walking away seemed to feel like the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was like magnets pulling me back, millions of voices screaming at me to go back.

Turn around Shawn,

Don't you dare leave her, turn around!

"Shawn! Please"

I was gone.