Helluva Deal

120. Where It All Started

"Why...here?" Blitz hugs himself tightly while following his sister through the plain, ruined, but wild area that has been the old circus of the twins. The flame consumed pretty much everything, except of the iron poles and some other very resistant material...

"I think it should end where it started, don't you?"

"But weren't we born..."

"Where the END started," Barbie looks back at him, while still leading the way, "Have you ever been here again after the fire?"

"I... No..."

"I have. First every week. Then every month, when there was less and less to see of our home, because of all the green," Barbie violently kicks against a bush, her eyes angry, "Of course, only when I could sneak away from rehab!" she glares at Blitz.

Blitz manages not to wince, his voice firm, but gentle, "But you have to see that this was important, Barb. You NEEDED rehab. You nearly killed yourself with that stuff! And because Cash didn't give a fuck..."

"Dad respected my decision!"

"Being an addict is NOT a decision YOU made! Cash put you under so much pressure with work..."

"Because YOU didn't get SHIT done! I had to work for BOTH of us!"

"You... You don't know the whole truth, Barb..." Blitz feels his chest growing tight.

"And then MUM! Fuck, she loved you. She LOVED you, Blitzo! And LOOK where this love GOT her!" Barbie stops and looks down.

Blitz winces back when he realizes where they are.

The pole is still there.

The pole that trapped his mother underneath it as it fell because of the fire.

The pole he couldn't lift to help her.

The pole that was so hot, it burned his hands even more.

The pole.

It must've caused Tilla so much pain...

"Oh, so you at least know where she died, huh?" Barbie crosses her arms in front of her chest, her eyes nothing but cold again.

"I... I was with her when she... She... She gave me her brooch..."

"She GAVE it to you?! She was... You TALKED to her?!?"

Blitz nods, tears springing into his eyes, "I... I tried to lift the pole, but..."

"You were THERE when she died and didn't HELP her?!?"

"I COULDN'T! I TRIED! I FUCKING TRIED! But this fucking pole!" Blitz starts to sob, memory overcoming him again and he drops in the dirt on his knees, hugging himself, "This fucking pole... I... I couldn't lift it... She was trapped underneath. I tried to lift it, to push it away, but..." he buries his face in his hands and whimpers softly, "I am so sorry. I couldn't help Fizz. I couldn't save Mum. I destroyed your life. Barbie, I..."

"Why didn't you tell me before? I ASKED you what happened that night, Blitzo! Why..."

"Because I COULDN'T remember this! I... I locked this pain away from myself... I remembered that I saw Fizz on the ground and then...everything became a blur... But Stolas helped me to remember. He made me strong enough to dig this back up and live through this memory again," Blitz wipes his eyes rather unsuccessfully, but looks at his sister again, "You have every right to hate me, Barbie. And I know you do. I... I know that you came here with me to..." he doesn't finish his sentence but instead begs lowly, "Don't trust Cash, Barb. Please. He's feeding you lies. Both of us. Our entire life."