Stumbling through the dark

If We Could Only Turn Back Time.

Zayn finally  looked up at Louis when he finished his explanation. Louis was frozen in shock..He had considered so many different possibilities as to what it was Zayn was hiding but  never in his wildest imaginings had this been  one of them. Not even close.  He  tried to wrap his head around what he'd just heard but...really?....and not one of them had known.How could they have not known it had been that bad. Yes, they had been worried but this......... Louis shook his head in disbelief.

"So, you see , you have to keep it secret, bro. If that got out ...." Zayn's voice trailed away but he didn't need to continue. Louis could see exactly what would happen , especially if the media got hold of it. They couldn't let that happen. Louis stood up from where he had been sitting on the bed next to a sleeping Niall. He walked slowly from the room, signalling Zayn to follow.The two men stood outside Niall's bedroom door, both to afraid to go far in case Niall tried to take his own life again but not wanting to wake him up.

"We have to tell the others, Zee. They can't be kept in the dark about this. I just don't know what to say, I never dreamed  this could have happened. I just wish you'd been able to tell us before . And what do we do about tonight? " .Louis' voice sounded strained as he tried to process everything that had happened that evening. 

"We need to tell them. Niall needs help, even if he won't accept it. And he can't be left alone. I don't know what I'd do if anything happens to him. This is all my fault, Lou. I just wish  we could only turn back time, I'd undo it all. Then maybe this would never have happened" Zayn sounded  so heartbroken that Louis reached out and put his fingers under Zayn's bowed head so he could look into his eyes.

"Zee, you can't take the blame for everything. Niall having MS isn't your fault and as to the other, we are just as guilty. The clues were right before us and we didn't see them. We were so wrapped up in our own anger and disappointment that we couldn't see what was right before our eyes.We are all equally to blame". Louis felt so ashamed as he looked back with fresh eyes on Zayn's last few months with the band. So many clues and they had missed them all. So many times they might have been able to alter the course of events and yet they didn't. He brushed away a solitary tear that had clung to his eyelashes. No, now was not the time for tears. He had to be strong.

"You go stay with Niall" Louis motioned to the bedroom door. "It's better if you are with him, if....when..." he corrected himself " he wakes up. I'm going to clean up downstairs . I need time to think about how to tell the others. And Zee? " Zayn turned and looked at him. " Thanks".  Zayn gave Louis one of his rare, sweet smiles in response before he turned back and walked quietly into Niall's room, softly closing the door after himself.. Louis remained standing, looking at the closed door, then headed back down the stairs. Just what was he going to tell Harry and Liam?