Stumbling through the dark

Where Did That Thought Come From?

The five men all piled into the tour bus and collapsed on the couches, talking to each other and across each other. There were a few awkward pauses, conversations that suddenly stopped then abruptly changed subject, but it somehow felt right that the  four were once  again five. Niall radiated happiness, almost bouncing in his seat as they all got caught up with each others lives once more. But the energy had to bleed away and Niall tiredly  leant his head back against the back of the couch, closing his eyes briefly to rest them. But they stayed obstinately shut and he succumbed to sleep.

"Awww" Liam suddenly said and they stopped talking and followed the direction of his eyes. "Ni's crashed". Liam stood up and carefully scooped up his sleeping bandmate. Zayn frowned, rather shocked at how easy Liam appeared to find the movement.Liam saw his expression and said quietly "He's very light these days" before walking through the bus to the bunks. He lay Niall down, pulled off his shoes, and swiftly stripped off his jeans, before tucking him under the bed covers. Liam pulled across the privacy curtain and returned to the others.

"Now Ni is asleep, we can talk properly" Harry said firmly as he looked at Zayn" If you mess up Niall again, I will personally...Rip.Your. F.cking.Head From. Your. F.cking. Shoulders!." The was no sign of gentle, quiet Harry. His tone was venomous, a far cry from his normal and non confrontational attitude.

"And I'll be helping him" Louis snapped.

"Goes for me too" Liam joined in.

Zayn held up his hands in surrender."Look, I promise I won't screw up again. Ni has given me a second chance, please, will you ?" He looked at them pleadingly. The three of them looked at each other then back at him.

"One chance" Liam said, but his voice held none of his normal warmth.

"So" Louis wanted to know "What's next?"

"I do have to return to LA tomorrow....no, today, actually". Zayn said as he looked at his watch........" but I will stay in touch". Louis looked sceptical but Zayn continued " No, really. Look" he pulled out a sheet of paper "all my contact numbers. All of them." He handed them to Liam who pocketed them carefully. "Look, I have to go" Zayn stood hesitantly and then, rather diffidently , pulled each man into a hug, grateful they all allowed the contact and even hugged back . After a few more words of farewell, Zayn reluctantly left, feeling rather touched that Harry had volunteered to drive him to the airport.

Very late the next morning, Niall bounced into the bus kitchen and looked around eagerly but only Louis, Harry and Liam were there. "Where's Zee?" he asked , looking about him as if he expected Zayn to suddenly be standing there.

"Gone back to LA, Mate" Liam said "But he'll Skype you when he lands" Niall's face fell. He couldn't shake the feeling that Zayn had vanished once more. He became withdrawn and refused to eat for the rest of the day. The others struggled even to get him to drink water and Louis was panicking that Zayn would fail to keep his promise. Then he, Louis, would be guilty of adding to hurting Niall because he'd been the one to persuade Zayn to see Niall. Louis just prayed Zayn wouldn't let Niall down. That also, he . Louis, hadn't compounded the pain.

The final show of their reunion tour was now becoming a memory and the lads had all returned to continue lives and various family and work commitments. Life was settling back into a familiar pattern for Niall, it's usual round of work and medical treatment. The main difference was that his sense of depression had lifted as Zayn had, so far, been true to his word, and kept to his word , maintaining regular contact with Niall. The old wounds caused by their split hadn't healed but had, at least, scabbed over and both men were conscious of that fact. A small piece of Niall never felt that he could totally believe Zayn wouldn't vanish again but Niall was also sure that, if he did, that he'd survive.

"That's great, Zee" Niall grinned at the screen of his laptop as Zayn was contorting his body to show Niall his latest tattoo. "You'll have no bare skin left, mate. " Niall stopped and turned his head as Aoife walked into the room and stood behind Niall, her arms wrapped lovingly around his chest, chin resting on top of his soft blond hair.

"Hi Uncle Zee" Aoife grinned at him." I've come to steal my Da away. We've both got doctor appointments. We'll see you soon?"

"You sure will. You look after your Da and that baby bump for me" Zayn smiled then waved , ending the call.

Aoife kissed the top of her dad's head and smiled at him. "I'm glad you guys are all together again. I know you missed him. Come on, we'll be late." Niall stood up slowly, stumbling slightly as he did.

"Da?" Aoife asked worriedly "Are you OK?. You've been over balancing a lot lately"

"M'fine" Niall said reassuringly "just tried and you know I'm a clumsy oaf at the best of times." He brushed away her concerns though he wasn't sure how convincing he had sounded. Unfortunately Aoife was right, he had started to loose his balance. And the dreaded 'MS hug' had caught him by surprise on more than one occasion. Maybe he should consider going through the Stem Cell Treatment again? Research had progressed since the first time, he was stronger now. Then there were the new drugs the Specialist had mentioned. Maybe that ? He didnt have time to think about it now so he dismissed it from his mind as he went to get ready.

"Please Da, come with me" Aoife turned her large blue eyes on her dad and used her best wheedling tone "Tay can't make it. Please come."

" I...Ummh" Niall started blushing at the thought of going to Aoife's appointment with her. He felt totally embarrassed at the thought.

"Oh, for goodness sake, Da!' Aoife said in exasperation" You used to change my diapers. You are only going to see my belly. Niall just blushed even more. "Da?"

"Ok, ok" Niall said still panicking. He just never felt comfortable with these  things. More than ever he wished he still had a wife, a woman Aoife could turn to. He sighed as he picked up the car keys and followed Aoife out. Once she had had her check up, he had to attend his own. Management had kept Jacey on the team and she was responsible for Niall's care in-between  the appointments he had with his Specialist. Today he had to have his weekly Medication delivered via IV. He shuddered, He'd never get to feel relaxed about having needles stuck into him. How Liam had serviced having all those injections when he was just a little baby, was totally beyond Niall.

Aoife's appointment went well and, despite blushing most of the way through it with embarrassment, Niall was pleased he'd gone. Hearing the baby's heartbeat was incredible and knowing that both Mommy and baby were doing well made him happy. He couldn't help but worry about Aoife. She was so young and what good was he at all this? He sighed to himself. It was these times when Aoife should have had Caoimhe.

Niall dropped Aoife off at her house then headed back to his own home. Jacey was probably already there, setting everything up. 'Bossy woman' he thought, but with a wry smile. She certainly didn't take any nonsense from him but she was also unfailingly kind....and beautiful. 'Where did that thought come from?' Niall asked himself. No, he wasn't interested.