Stumbling through the dark

A Chance is All I want, Doc.

Niall tried  hard not to but hearing the nurse advise him to cry it out, he couldn't hold his emotions in any more and the hot tears fell. The nurse continued to hold him in a comforting embrace until Niall had finally shed the last tear. He pulled back from her, hiding his face, thoroughly embarrassed by what he considered his lack of manly restraint. The nurse quietly got up off the side of the bed where she had been sitting whilst she held him and vanished into the adjoining bathroom, emerging with a bowl of warm water and a soft flannel. She tenderly washed his face and hands, then smoothed back his hair from his forehead. Placing the bowl back down on the bedside table, she once again sat on the edge of his bed. "How about you tell me about it?" she asked encouragingly. "I can't alter things but sometimes just telling another person helps clear the mind"

"M'sorry" Niall mumbled, "I appreciate the offer but I'd just like to be alone now, if you don't mind"

"I understand. But the offer stands" The nurse stood up, smoothing down her uniform."Try to relax, the stress isn't good for you". She smiled sympathetically at him then left the room, glancing over her shoulder as she went out. Niall had slumped back against his pillows and was staring off into space. It hurt her heart to see the young man so despondent but there was little anyone could so to change things at the moment. Back at the nurses station, she drummed her fingers on the counter as she thought. Making up her mind, she picked up the phone and called Niall's Neurologist.

Liam tapped lightly on the door of Niall's room and entered on hearing a barely audible 'come in". He took in Niall's  subdued demeanour with concern. It increased his worry for his bandmate  and he was dreading having to tell him that he was leaving for the States later that day. Harry had already left and was in LA. "Hey, Ni. How's it going?" he said as cheerfully as possible. Niall turned his head towards him and shrugged but didn't answer. "Ni?" Liam asked "What's wrong, mate?". Niall shrugged a second time but still didn't answer. Liam sighed internally and sat down facing his bandmate. "Come on, Horan. Talk to me" he said " If you don't say what's wrong, I can't help."

"Nobody can help. I asked the doctor about the new treatment but he said no. I got my hopes up and he said no."

"Did he say why?" Liam wanted to know.

"Said my stomach was too messed up and it would likely kill me. I ruined my own chances and now there's nothing" Niall's voice was quiet, resigned.

"Ni, have you actually talked it through with him? Asked why? Mate, make sure you both discuss this."

"Nah, not worth it. He said no.". The room became silent as both men thought of the situation. Liam hoped Niall would say more but clearly he had withdrawn into himself and the walls he had put up when he was first diagnosed with MS were firmly in place once more.

"Ni, I've got to leave for the States later today. Harry's there already. It's the Awards" Liam sounded guilty. He hated to leave Niall alone. He felt like they were all deserting Niall when he needed them the most. "I'll come back as soon as I can, though"

"I'm going home soon. To Mullingar" Niall didn't sound enthusiastic. Normally he was bursting to get home to Ireland but today he sounded flat, depressed. Liam's heart hurt for his friend .

"Things will look brighter soon, Nialler. " Liam tried to cheer Niall up but Niall just shrugged and turned up his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

"May I come in?" Paul Taylor stood in the doorway. "Ah Liam, I'm glad you are here. I'd like to chat with you both. That is, if Niall has no objections?

Niall, I think you and I are at cross purposes. You obviously know about the new MS treatment. May I ask how?"

"Doc Miller gave me this cutting" Niall rummaged in the drawer of his bedside locker and withdrew the now very crumbled article. Paul took it from his hand and scanned the headline "Stem Cell Therapy  Cure for MS?"

"I see. Yes, there have been some excellent results with the tests done over the last few years"

"I want to try it" Niall said "I want that chance. But you won't give it to me"

"Niall, I can't. It could kill you and it's not worth the risk" Paul said patiently "Maybe later but not now"

"Why not now?" Niall shouted. Liam reached over and rubbed Niall's arm softly.

"Calm down, mate." Liam then turned to the Neurologist ." Why can't Niall have this treatment" he asked Paul.

"I'm not saying never but it can't be done now" Paul reiterated. "And we don't know if it is a cure. There have been great results but whether it helps permanently or temporarily, we just don't know. Look, Niall your stomach is a mess. We need that to heal because this new treatment will require chemotherapy to kill off the faulty immune system. One of the side effects of chemo can be extreme vomiting. And that's the problem. Chemo has to be done to help reboot the immune system but your stomach can't take it...at least not yet and , worse case scenario, may never heal enough.. I'm not trying to prevent you from getting a possible cure, but I can't allow you to  undertake a treatment that could result in your death. Niall, you just are not healthy enough, I'm sorry."

"But if his stomach heals, he gets healthy, is it possible?" Liam immediately wanted to know.

"Yes, but it's going to take time. The stomach must heal, Niall has to get his weight up and his general health as good as possible. And there are no guarantees, this may only prove to be a temporary  control of the illness."

"Please, I want to do this. I want the chance" Niall said earnestly "I'll do anything you tell me to do, but please let me have this chance"

"Niall, I want to you to understand that this is a long shot. Everything rides on your stomach healing completely before we can even consider this. I can't budge on this. But if you are willing to respect my final decision on this, I'll help you. But please think carefully. If, and I repeat if,  you have this treatment, it is going to be very hard to get through. Make sure you think the end result is worth what you'll have to go through. Chemo can be brutal with possible permanent side effects , and there are no guarantees that the end results will be what you want. " Paul spoke seriously. "You get some rest now, maybe talk this through with your family and friends. I'll be seeing you tomorrow before you are discharged. Have a holiday, relax and recuperate and we'll talk again in a few months". He held out his hand to Niall who shook it, a smile finally on his face.

"A chance is all I want, Doc"

A/N This medical information on MS is correct and not fiction. :-)