Stumbling through the dark

Pinkie Promise

Niall stood back and admired his handiwork before turning to look at Zayn's efforts. He couldn't help at grin at the results of their joint efforts. Revenge would be sweet. He'd been the butt of so many of Louis' little schemes so it was about time he got to return the favour. He started to giggle and Zayn drank in the happy sound. Even though he knew it probably wouldn't last, he was thrilled to see a glimpse of the 'old' Niall. He'd really missed Niall and just wished he could undo everything the little Irish lad had gone and was still going through. Zayn whipped out his phone and took a quick photo of Niall's grinning face before taking photographs of  the three sleeping young men, now gorgeously 'adorned'. They certainly had given Lou Teasdale a run for her money. Now all they had to do was wait!

Zayn went into the kitchen, pushing up his long sleeves prior  to washing the paint off  his hands and Niall followed him, chatting animatedly about the prank. Then he suddenly went silent and Zayn looked at him anxiously. Niall was staring at Zayn's wrists with a look of complete horror on his face, his mouth open in shock.White scars stood out starkly against Zayn's darker skin. Zayn hurriedly pulled his sleeves down but it was too late. Niall raised his eyes to Zayn's face and whispered one word.."Why?"

Niall sat down at the kitchen table watching Zayn closely as he made them both tea. Zayn hadn't spoken yet and  he appeared lost in thought as if he'd gone somewhere else in his mind and just left his body behind. Eventually the tea was ready and he placed the mugs down on the table before taking a seat facing his friend. Zayn was reluctant to speak but he knew Niall deserved an answer. It was just that he was finding it hard to get his thoughts in some kind of order. Finally he spoke.

"I just couldn't live with the lies, Ni. You knew part of it but there was so much more to it all. I just struggled with all the deception , the rumours I had to live with and lies I wasn't allowed to deny. I stopped taking my medication and it just crumbled around me. It seemed like the only way at the time. I nearly destroyed you. Knowing that you all probably hated me and I couldn't even share the truth with you guys. I wanted ...I don't know.....peace.....freedom. I don't know how to explain it. It was stupid because it would only transfer my pain to others but I couldn't think straight" Zayn took a sip of his tea as he tried to think of a way of explaining the depths to which he had sunk in his depression. " Maybe it's something I can never get people to understand.I needed to be able to have some control over my own life, I suppose. And I thought that way, I did"

Niall listened without interruption then stretched his hand across the table to place it over Zayn's trembling one. He understood. He really understood. Somehow Zayn had put into words the jumble of emotions that he had gone through himself. It was about that loss of control, of being helpless. The not being able to think straight. He raised his blue eyes, bright with tears, to look into Zayn's "Promise me, if you ever feel that way again, you will come to me?" Zayn smiled slightly to hear Niall use the same words to him as he had to Niall earlier that night. He raised his little finger up and Niall hooked his own around it. "Pinkie promise" they said in unison .

"Sup, lads" Louis chirped as he suddenly walked into the kitchen and Zayn and Niall started to howl with laughter, getting more and more hysterical until Niall was curled up on the floor absolutely helpless. Louis stood there in confusion until Harry walked in having been woken by the laughter. He pointed at Louis bursting into laughter only to get the same reaction from Louis. They both then raced to the nearest mirror. Harry was now sporting green hair,up in bunches, tied with pink ribbons and with round black  spectacles on his face. Louis' hair was blue, parted in the middle and plastered down, his stubble has been tinted a bright red whilst he had a monocle painted on his left eye. If they looked like that, what had the boys done to Liam? They nearly tripped over in their rush to look. Liam  had definitely got the worst of it they thought, as he  slept peacefully on with one eyebrow a bright yellow, one bright pink and his beard shaved into stripes which Zayn had carefully painted a tasteful purple and orange. That particular picture was definitely being tweeted. 

The next few weeks  were very relaxed for all of the lads. They split their time between each others homes just hanging out and chilling. Niall wasn't overly happy at having to inject himself with the new medication that had been prescribed but understood that it was probably wisest . He could hardly expect people to trust him with pills given his track record in that department. And if it kept the MS from relapsing, he decided he'd live with anything that helped. He had refused point blank to see the psychologist again but regular talks with Zayn had been helpful.  Although Zayn  continued to be fairly  reticent with the other lads , with Niall he was open and honest and ,in return ,he found himself understanding his own depression better. He'd gone back to taking his medication and gradually felt like he could face the world again. Now the truth was coming out, it was liberating and he finally started to feel free once more.

"You ok, Nialler?" Liam asked one evening. Niall had been quieter that day which was very noticeable as he'd been very bright and perky for the past week.Niall was also shifting in his chair as if he was very uncomfortable.

"I've got a terrible pain on one side of my body and it just feels so weird. It hurts, Li" Niall sounded really miserable so Liam immediately went to give him a cuddle. The moment his arm went around his smaller friend, Niall screamed in pain. "Don't " and Liam released him in alarm. Niall closed his eyes and breathed deeply until the pain had receded  a little. "Sorry Li, it just hurts too much to be touched"

"Do you need to go to the hospital, Ni" Liam studied Niall's pale face anxiously but got a weak smile and  a shake of the head from his bandmate. Niall gradually  relaxed a little and he was able to give  Liam  grin.

"Nah. I'll live. I think I'm going to go up to bed though. I'm pretty tired" He stood up and started to move but his left leg collapsed  him and it was only Liam's quick reflexes in catching him that prevented him falling to the floor. Niall looked at Liam in terror. "Li................."