Stumbling through the dark

"Don't Look, My Love. Leap!"

"J-J-Jacey ?" Niall stuttered out. "It's -uh-Niall" He paused. What the h*ll was he supposed to say? He lapsed into silence. Jacey held her tongue and waited for him to continue. There was the sound of a deep breath and Niall managed to continue "Can we talk?"

"We need to" Jacey responded. "Do you want me to come to you or...?"

"Can you come here. I mean, I don't know when I'll be discharged and I....we...need to get this sorted. I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess it was the shock, I was overwhelmed" Niall sounded anxious and Jacey felt concern wash over her. She hated it that he was upset but this needed to be faced up to, decisions made, one way or another.

"I'll be there soon" Jacey ended the call without saying goodbye. She felt too emotional. D*mn hormones, she thought.

Niall threw Liam's phone down on the bed and covered his face with his hands, only pulling them away when he heard Liam come back into the room.

"And?" Liam asked as he picked up the discarded phone and pocketed it.

"She's coming over now to talk" Niall said slowly "Li, I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to say, how to explain it to her. She deserves the world, not a man who is likely to turn into a wreck at any time. What sort of life is that for her? And the baby...I ...I. I just...." Niall stopped talking and shook his head.

"Nialler, I know you love Jacey. Anyone can see it, even if you are too blind to see yourself. You've lost so much in your life and here's  a second chance is being offered to you on a plate . Don't screw it up mate just because you're too stubborn to accept the gift. Promise me you'll listen to her?" Liam spoke seriously." Look, I'll clear out, give you some space. Don't mess up, lad". With that, Liam left.

Niall lay back his eyes closed. When Jacey entered the room, she initially thought he was sleeping until she noticed his fingers twisting and untwisting the sheet that covered him. She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his fidgeting hands into her own, stilling their nervous movement. Niall's blue eyes flew open and he stared at Jacey in distress.

"Hey" Jacey spoke gently .

"I'm sorry" Niall suddenly burst out. "I didn't mean to upset you yesterday. I ..you took me by surprise. I guess I was overwhelmed by it all. I mean, when we..that night...I worried I'd made you pregnant. Then you said it probably couldn't happen so I...but it did and I'm just......" Niall said disjointedly as so many thoughts swirled through his head as he tried to explain to Jacey. He took some calming breaths as he strove to be more coherent. "I don't think I can do this. I mean, what if I get  worse. It's not fair on you. How can I be a father. Aoife is grown up but a new baby. I..oh Jacey.."

"Niall, I'm not sorry. I want this baby, and I am keeping it. I am strong enough to do it alone if I have to. You don't need to be involved. I don't and won't hold you responsible. But if you do want this, I am also strong enough for the three  of us. Your choice, I'm not forcing you" She paused and looked at Niall's pale face. "Ni, your exhausted. Why not get some rest and we'll talk later." She  fluffed his pillows, lowered the head of the bed down, dimmed the lights then sat down next to Niall again , holding his hand gently between her own two. "Rest" she said firmly and Niall obediently closed his eyes.

Niall wanted  to rest but his  brain was churning and he tried to reason things out. Liam was right. He did love Jacey. He never thought he'd ever care for anyone so much again after he lost Caoimhe. But she had somehow broken through the barriers he'd erected. And a baby? But what could he offer them. He knew his MS could escalate at any time. Was he being fair on them? But was he being fair if he allowed Jacey to walk away? His head started to ache and he willed himself to to relax. Without realising it, Niall drifted into a deep  sleep.

Jacey rested her head down on the bed next to her hands that were  still entwined with Niall's. She felt hot tears slide down her cheeks. Hormones, she told herself sternly, it's just hormones messing with me. Then she slid into sleep.

Niall slept on, a small smile graced his face as he saw Caoimhe in his dream. It had been months since he had dreamed of her. He had let he go, as she had requested, but here she had come back to his dreams. She stood in from of him, smiling her beautiful smile. Then he swore he heard her speak.

"Don't Look, My Love. Leap"

And she was gone and Niall knew. He just knew. Everything was perfectly clear to him.

Jacey sat up groggily and smiled apologetically at Niall who was staring at her, a strange expression on his face.  He pressed the controls on the bed and raised the back until he was sitting up. He studied her face, that strange look unaltered. Then he spoke.

"Jocintha Marie Marks. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife...if you'll have me" Niall held his breath and waited. He'd done it, he'd taken that leap!