Stumbling through the dark

Heart Attack

"He's asleep" Niall came back into the den   and put a baby monitor on the coffee table . He shrugged when Gigi and Jacey both looked at it then him. "Just in case he wakes up alone and panics. So.." he looked at Gigi " can you tell me what the f.ck is going on? I'm lost."

Gigi settled back into her chair and closed her eyes as she thought about the best way to explain. "You remember when Zayn had those major panic attacks when he started performing solo after leaving the band?" Jacey nodded but Niall looked totally bewildered. What panic attacks? He didn't know about that!

"Ni, the boys kept everything from you then, you were really sick. Zayn got as far as being about to perform then he had crippling anxiety, and couldn't do it. He's had quite a battle with it" Jacey told Niall who nodded, frowning.

"Well, he had therapy and medication but it never went away, Niall. You know his dad passed away a few months ago? The shock of that , combined with his anxieties issues and he got worse. Then somehow his subconscious twisted all the information about your health problems, coming to visit you and  his dad's passing into what they call a psychotic episode. Zayn's mind created a reality where you died and he found you. He wasn't able to separate fact from imagination. He had another breakdown. When you woke up, he just lost it".

"He'll be all right, yeah?" Niall asked anxiously "It's just this once?"

"His doctor thinks it was just a one off. The stress, the bereavement, not taking his medication and not going to therapy just got too much. But yes, he'll be fine Niall" Gigi smiled at the small Irish man who closed his eyes, lips moving silently in a heartfelt prayer for his 'brother'. "But how are you doing, Ni?" Gigi wanted to know. "Zayn worries about you constantly.

"I wish he wouldn't. I'm fine. I know m'heart's been damaged but I'm sensible....most of the time" he gave Jacey a sheepish look .

"Keep looking after yourself then, no funny stuff" Gigi's face went serious then she continued. "Ni, you mean a lot to Zayn. He'll never forgive himself for not being with you when you needed him. He did keep watch over you though, I know you know that now. If he could turn back time, do it all over again, he'd do it different."

"We all would ,Gi, we all would" Niall said soberly.

Jacey, Gigi and Niall were relaxing watching the TV when Zayn wandered into the den, still half asleep. He sat next to Gigi and curled up, head on her shoulder, smiling shyly at the others. "Sorry" he muttered "I'm so embarrassed right now"

"Don't be, bro" Niall smiled back. "It's cool. Wanna' listen to the song? It's finished and it is why your here". Niall grabbed his guitar and started to sing as he played. Zayn sat quietly, a stunned expression on his face. 

"Nialler, it's beautiful. It's........................" Zayn couldn't describe how it made him feel. Niall had put into words both the pain and the healing of a friendship that had gone so badly wrong yet managed to survive and heal. Zayn just shook his head as he listened, tears dripping down his face. But this time the tears were not caused by pain itself, rather it was the pain leaving his body and leaving peace in its place.

Niall finished playing and up his guitar down then rubbed his arm and chest, a grimace on his face.

"Ni, you all right, bro" Zayn was instantly on the alert when he saw Niall's face. "mate, what's wrong?" The anxious sound of his voice had Jacey and Gigi both turning their attention on Niall.

"Indigestion" Niall breathed out. "Had it since earlier but it's getting worse." He groaned slightly. Jacey suddenly went white and pulled out her phone. Everyone started at her as she requested an ambulance immediately.

"Ni, I think you're having a heart attack" Jacey announced and quickly started to check her husband the best she could, sending Gigi to get her medical bag. "Zayn, in the kitchen, soluble aspirin, quick" And Zayn was off , sprinting towards the kitchen to do as he was bid, returning in record time.

"You're fussing over nothing" Niall managed to whisper then his body seemed to convulse and he collapsed over. Jacey , taken by surprise, froze but Zayn was suddenly on fire. He pulled Niall's limp body onto the floor and started CPR.

"No, you're not leaving me now, Ni" Zayn spoke through gritted teeth and he pumped Niall's heart.

"Sir, we've got it" a paramedic pulled Zayn to one side and he and his colleague worked to stablise Niall. "You did great" the paramedic stood up and praised Zayn. "Thanks to your quick thinking, I'm sure he's going to be fine." Zayn just stood looking at him, shaking with suppressed shock."Let's get him to the hospital".

Niall was chaffing at the bit to get discharged from the hospital. He'd been there just over a week and he felt fine. He just wanted to get home. He was relieved when his doctor finally arrived in his room to give him his final check up before he was released.

"He'll be fine. It was a mild attack" the doctor reassured them all. "He just needs to take life slower. Golf yes, football, no. Nothing strenuous ".

"I can live with that" Niall said cheekily, grinning " does that mean I mustn't wash any dishes..that's strenuous!"

"Dish washing..excellent exercise..three times a day" the doctor replied, grinning as Niall's face fell.

"D*mn" Niall grumbled half heartedly "Well, I tried. Seriously though, it's OK ?"

"You should be fine, Niall. You'll do cardio rehab with a physical therapist but yes, more or less back to normal. Avoid stress and over doing things physically but  you'll do fine". 

Niall wandered around his garden, finally settling under the trees that shaded one corner. He sat down, enjoying the quiet and letting his thoughts drift to Zayn and wondering how he was. Time and time again he had owed his life to Zayn yet that man still could not forgive himself and let the past go. It hurt Niall to think that Zayn continued to blame himself. Gigi had told them that Zayn had returned to weekly therapy and was making progress and , so far, there had been no return of the episodes that had turned Zayn's thoughts into twisted imagination.Time was supposed to be a great healer, Niall thought, but how much time?