Stumbling through the dark

Bobby was restless. Finally he got out of bed and stood looking down the garden to the garage bedroom where his youngest son was sleeping. The light was still on so Niall was also having trouble sleeping. Bobby wished that Niall would tell him what was going on in his head but that was Niall. He always played down his own worries without realising that others could see right through him. No use pushing, Bobby reminded himself. But maybe, just maybe, Niall might be ready to talk. He yawned as he stretched his arms over his head, before returning to his bed, having made up his mind he'd talk to Niall in the morning. Turning off his bedside light, he settled back down and was soon asleep.

Niall's stomach churned. The alcohol wasn't sitting well and the burning discomfort was almost unbearable. He continued to look at the pills in his hand as he gently rubbed his sore tummy. F.ck.F.ck.F.ck. You're a coward, Horan. Just do it. All you have to do is swallow. He grabbed the bottle of Vodka then brought the pills up to his mouth...............................He screamed, like an animal in pain and threw the pills violently away from him, the vodka bottle following.  Standing, he tore out of his room and raced towards the house.

"Da?" Bobby woke up groggily to the sound of his youngest son's voice. He sat up hurriedly and switched on the bedside light to see Niall standing in the doorway. "Da?" Niall looked just like he did when he had been tiny and had gone to Bobby for comfort when he had had a bad nightmare. He took in Niall's white face, the smell of alcohol and his heart broke. Whatever had been worrying his son, he was about to find out. He got out of bed and went towards Niall, wrapping an arm around his shaking body. "Come on, let's go downstairs. I'll make hot milk and honey and we'll talk, yeah?".  Bobby thought back to the times when Niall was little more than a baby and hot milk and honey had been the way Bobby had helped sooth and relax him after bad dreams or when he was upset or ill. Niall nodded, feeling calmer now he was with his father and they walked down to the kitchen, Bobby keeping a comforting arm around his son. 

Bobby carefully poured the hot milk into two mugs and stirred in the honey before placing one of the mugs before Niall as he sat at the kitchen table. Bobby sat opposite him and watched as Niall mindlessly turned the mug around and around, eventually lifting it and taking a sip. 

"I've not had this since I was a child" Niall murmured."I'd forgotten what it tasted like".

"I always made this for you then, whenever you were upset or had a bad dream. We'd sit and drink and you'd tell me what's on your mind" Bobby remarked quietly as he studied his son. Niall looked so young as he sat there, not like the young man he  was really . Bobby could see the hurt and bewilderment in his eyes , so he sat there, quietly, waiting for Niall. Bobby Horan had always been a patient man and knew that, when it came to his youngest, patience was the only way.

"Da? M'sorry" Niall broke down, his body shaking with sobs. ""I'm such a f.cking coward. I just wanted out. I had them in my hand ...I nearly did it. I'm so sorry"

"Had what in your hand?" Bobby questioned gently trying to keep the fear out of his voice.

"Pills, Da and I was drinking..M'sorry...M''' Niall covered his face with his hands.

"Niall James Horan, you listen to me" Bobby pulled Niall's hands roughly away from his face."You listen to me, boy and you listen good. You are not a coward. You are stronger than you think" Bobby's voice was flooded with emotion. "Ni, you didn't do it , son. You didn't. You stopped and you came to me.You're still here." Bobby kept holding Niall's hands and looking into eyes that were so like his own. "Niall, I'm proud of you" Bobby smiled at his sons confused expression "You had a choice and you did what was right, even if you don't believe it right now. You'll be fine, son. Now, how about we talk?"

Niall started talking, and it was like a volcano erupting, words flying everywhere in a disjointed fashion as Niall's emotions surfaced, full force. With the easy of experienced parenthood, Bobby sifted through everything, mentally sorting it all into the correct compartments as Niall jumped from Zayn's apparent abandonment to the new treatment for his MS to how he felt having the illness, back to Zayn. Bobby felt chills down his spine as Niall talked about wanting to take his own life and how close that tonights battle had been to following through.. All mixed up in swirl of words. Bobby listened patiently until Niall finally drew breath and his talking slowed down. "Da, I'm stumbling through the dark here, and I can't see my way out"

"If that's the case son, we'll find you a light. Come on boy, you're exhausted. How about you go get some sleep?"

"Da....I don't want to be alone. I'm not that strong" Niall blushed and looked at the floor. 

"Come on then Niall. " He walked upstairs with Niall and when Niall had slid into Bobby's bed, Bobby tucked the blankets around him. "Now you're as snug as a bug in a rug" and got a faint smile from Niall as  his son remembered Bobby saying that to him when he was younger. Bobby got into bed himself and lay there, staring into the dark as he wanted for his son to finally relax and fall asleep. When Niall's soft snores filled the air, Bobby eased himself out of bed and slipped out of the room, heading for Niall's room. He looked around until he found what he was looking for then carried it back to the house. Bobby crept up into the bedroom and checked Niall was still sleeping . He had a call to make and he didn't want to risk being overhead.