Stumbling through the dark

Thank You, Princess.

The sound of  the baby crying woke Niall up and he stumbled from his bed and headed towards the sunny yellow nursery where his tiny daughter was making her displeasure known. He leaned over the crib and gently picked up  his baby girl, cradling her in his arms. "Sssh little one" he cooed at her. Her tiny sobs because soft whimpers as she looked up into her daddy's face. "Daddy's got you, you're safe now. Let's get you all comfy ". Niall carried her over to the changing table and swiftly changed her soaked diaper for a fresh one before carrying her downstairs to the kitchen. Hauling a pre -made bottle out of the fridge, he put it into the bottle warmer and  stood rocking the baby as he waited for the warmer to ding, announcing the bottle was ready. He grabbed it then wandered into the lounge, making himself comfortable . Niall held the bottle against  the baby's eager mouth and she soon latched on, making adorable little sucking  sounds as the warm milk flowed into her mouth. Niall stared down at his beautiful little daughter, his little Aoife Maebh and a sweet smile lit up his tired face 

Later that morning, Niall checked he had everything he'd need in the diaper bag, shoved his wallet into his pocket then grabbed his keys before picking up the car seat with Aoife  safely strapped in. He was due to be at the studio in an hour to start recording for their new album. Lou had offered to keep an eye on the baby and Niall was grateful to her. He couldn't bear to be parted from his little one for too long. It made him anxious.He knew he'd have to get used to it but he didn't like it. He sighed.

"Hey Nialler" Liam called out as Niall  came into the room . "How's it going?" He studied Niall's face carefully. His bandmate looked pale, far too thin , and very tired. Niall had shut himself  and the baby away. seeing no one , for several months following Caoimhe's death. He had been completely emotionless, not crying once , but gradually the lads had coaxed Niall into allowing them to visit. They all knew how hard Niall was finding life without his wife. It wasn't fair. Finally when life had started to become good for the young couple, it had all crumbled. Those first few months, Niall had been a robot,looking after the baby perfectly but in so detached a manner they had been extremely  concerned for his mental health but ,one day ,there had been a miracle. Niall had been holding the baby, just looking at her, his  face wearing its usual blank expression when the baby had smiled up at him.And just like that, all the tears that Niall hadn't allowed himself to shed, started flowing from his eyes, falling onto his baby daughter's face. That tiny baby had started the healing process. It would take a very long time but Niall had finally allowed himself to acknowledge the pain he was going through.

"Mmmh , OK I guess. Im exhausted. Who would think one tiny baby could make so much work!" Niall said, smiling slightly.

"It'll get easier, mate." Liam said encouragingly. "Look, why don't I come stay with you for a few days. Maybe take a few of the night feeds and stuff so you can get some proper sleep"

"Nay, I'm good" Niall replied though his tired face betrayed him.

"Ni...I'm doing it" Liam said firmly and Niall nodded in defeat. To be honest, he could do with some unbroken sleep. Maybe his Ma was right, he should agree to her and Chris coming to help him with Aoife, at least until he was properly back on his feet. But what would he do when they had to resume the tour that Management had postponed to give Niall time to come to terms with his loss.? At least their new management team had been compassionate and supportive.That had been a mercy.  Perhaps he could hire a Nanny to help him with Aoife while they toured?

"Mate, that's a great idea" Liam said later that evening as he sat on the couch cuddling with Aoife while he and Niall had discussed the remainder of  the tour  "You'll have someone to help you with this little one so you won't need to stress out while we are on stage or at interviews and stuff. You'll still have her with you but hopefully with far less pressure on yourself. "