Stumbling through the dark

There Is Still That 1%

Niall smiled uncertainly at the Consultant. The man seemed friendly enough but he wasn't Paul Taylor. Paul had retired last year and had had Niall's care transferred over to this new man. He had assured Niall that James Caldwell was well qualified and very knowledgeable about the experimental treatment Niall had gone through many years ago.

"Things seem fine, Mr. Horan. We'll do a few scans just to check everything is as it should be. I see the last scans done were five years ago and they showed no evidence of the MS returning. You feel well? No problems you've noticed?" James asked Niall who frowned in thought then shook his head. He'd had a few aches and pains and got more tired recently but he was in his late thirties now. Workouts were bound to be harder and make you hurt more. "Good. Then I'll get them arranged. I see you require sedation for the MRI due to claustrophobia so I'll get that prescribed for you. Say we say 9am tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that will be great. I've nothing scheduled for tomorrow" Niall said thoughtfully. Though the band had broken up after a few more world tours, Niall, Liam, and Louis still worked together, writing songs for other artists. Harry had gone solo for a time after the split and he also wrote music for others. Even though they lived in different countries, they retained their close bonds and saw each other regularly and Louis was currently over from LA and he , Liam and Niall were currently very busy with new work.

"Then that is all arranged" James stood as Niall did and they shook hands. Niall left quickly, anxious to get home to Aoife , whom he had promised to take over to visit Liam and Taylor. Liam had married sometime before Niall had lost Caoimhe and had a son, Taylor. Aoife and Taylor had been playmates and it looked like it was likely to develop into a much stronger bond. She was so young, just fourteen, Niall thought, and the realization he'd eventually have to face of letting his little girl go, made him anxious. He had spent a few months dating his first girlfriend, Holly, but had come to the conclusion that, though she was a nice girl, she was far more interested in him than he was in her. He'd been very fond of her back in the pre-XFactor days but he'd been a boy of 16. Now he was a man who had been widowed and had a beautiful daughter. Some things in life have to remain in the past and his relationship with Holly was one of those things. He'd let her down as gently as he could, it was the good old " It's not you, it's me" speech. He was sure he'd hurt her but he wasn't going to lead her on and promise more than he could deliver. He'd gone on to have a few more casual relationships over the following years but realized that his heart would always belong to Caoimhe and there was nobody he'd found that he could love enough to want to marry again. He could never replace her. Aoife was the one constant in his life and he was a devoted father to her. Still, he reminded himself. She was still too young for him to even contemplate her dating.

Niall opened his eyes as the sedation began wearing off. He hated that horrible foggy feeling but it was far better than that terrible sensation of the walls closing in on him that his claustrophobia caused. He'd never have been able to cope with the MRI  and other scans had he been fully aware of having them done. He pushed the button on his bed and felt the back moving up so he was in a sitting position. He reached out to the bedside locker and tried to grab the jug of water that was there in order to pour himself a drink. His throat felt dry and scratchy. He lifted the jug, only for it to fall immediately from his hands and crash to the floor, water spreading everywhere. D*mn , he was so clumsy.

"Niall, you are awake" James Caldwell entered Niall's room and smiled slightly at him then glanced at the wet floor. He poked his head out of the door and spoke to someone and an Orderly was soon in the room, clearing up the mess. James waited until the man had left then pulled up a chair next to Niall's bed. James was holding a manilla folder in his hands and Niall eyed it very nervously. James studied his patient's face then spoke gently " I'm sorry, Niall"

"It's back," Niall said bluntly, his voice sounding resigned. "Isn't it? I kinda thought it was. It's not been quite the same as the first time but the tiredness and problems with coordination from time to time. I wondered. I just hoped I was wrong and that it really was just being overtired."

"Yes, I am very much afraid that you are right> You knew it was always a possibility, didn't you. For most people  treated with SCT, it seems to still be working but for a few of you...." James shook his head,

"Can we do it again? The Stem Cell Therapy? If it worked before, it can work again. Can't it?' Niall asked, his tone hopeful.

"I honestly don't know Niall. I'll do more tests but I think that we won't be able to do that again. I'm almost 99% sure it will be impossible."

"But there is still that 1%. I beat the odds before, I can do it again. I'm stronger this time than I was last time. Please " Niall was begging now, trying to convince the Neurologist that it could work. James' face was grave and he was frowning hard, his eyebrows pulled together in one long, dark straight line.

"Niall, I'll do more tests, if that is what you really want but I'm sorry Niall, so sorry. I've studied the scans carefully. I compared them with all your previous scans, right back to when you were first diagnosed. This time it has come back stronger, more aggressive. "

"Go...just go.....please" Niall whispered and pushed the button on the bed making it go flat once more. He curled up onto his side in a fetal position. James stood and placed a compassionate hand on Niall's shoulder.

"We'll talk later" he murmured quietly then left Niall alone as requested.