Stumbling through the dark

One More Promise

Niall's hands trembled as he opened the envelope and began to read:

"Nialler, I know you are mad at me but please don't hate me. I know you didn't want me to do what I did but I just had to prevent the media knowing the truth about  things. I couldn't bear the thought of them destroying you with their speculation and lies. It was the only way I could protect you. That Carly Evans is pure evil and she'd have stopped at nothing to get her story. I couldn't let her do that, not to you, not to any of the boys..

Ni, Management have got me over a barrel. You know  we  have both been forbidden to say what happened in Hong Kong and they won't let that be known but if they can get any milage out of recent events, they will. Simon knew what I had planned to do. He wasn't thrilled at the way I was going to do it but he is  on our side. He tried to talk me out of it, even gave Louis my private number to see if I'd listen to him. He did his best but though I listened to what he said , I never had any intention of doing what you all wanted.

Tell the boys I am sorry I didn't stick around after the TV interview. I wanted to protect you all from Management as I am supposed to have absolutely no contact with you. I didn't want to be seen talking to any of you  which is why I ignored you all  during the interview and left as soon as I could. I was so scared when you collapsed but knew I had to vanish. I just hope Management don't punish you for my breaking the rules.

The five years I had with the four of you  were the best I have ever known.. I know I wasn't as whole heartedly into it all as the rest of you but you all wormed your way into my heart, especially you Ni. You were, and still are, the precious little brother I never had. Even though I am not with you anymore, I will always feel the need to protect you. It's something big brothers do so you'll just have to put up with it.

Nialler, you can get through this, I know you can. I know you'll struggle at times and things will maybe get so hard you want to give up. But promise me that you won't. You're a fighter Ni. So fight this every step of the way. And I have one more promise that I want you to make to me. Please? This is important to me. Niall, promise that you'll never, ever try and take your own life again. The world without you in it would be too hard to even contemplate , especially for me.

I keep having to hide in the bathroom when I hear the nurses coming to check on you. I'm not supposed to be here but I can't come during the day and  risk running into the boys or anyone from Management. Please tell the lads that I'm sorry I disappointed them and didn't listen but we all have to follow the path that is meant for us. The media has already labelled me the 'bad boy' and Management have encouraged that. It made sense for me to be the one to do something stupid so I know it has put them off the scent. Better them know about my suicide attempt than yours. And there had already been rumours about me regarding that, anyway.  You'll be safe now from their delving. 

I'll be back in the US by the time you read this. I am going to stay out of your lives  now. I want you to know that even though our paths won't cross again, I will always love my four brothers. Stay safe for me, little bro.

Your big brother,

Zayn

Niall lay back and closed his eyes, still clutching the letter in his hand. If hearts could physically break, he'd swear his had just split into two.