Stumbling through the dark

STAT!

Niall paced his room, too anxious to stay still. He didn't know what he should be thinking....or feeling, right now. The treatment he'd received had worked, well almost, and now his hopes for a complete cure, relied on some technician creating 'perfect' clone cells, in the lab, from two separate donors. His Aoife! Niall smiled as he thought her name, wanting so much to help him. He could understand that, but a complete stranger? That was really something. He'd asked who the person was but Doctor Corder at told him that those on the donor register were granted complete anonymity unless they chose to waive that right. Niall had sighed on hearing that but had given up questioning the doctor. Maybe there was another way of finding out. He was so lost in thought, he jumped when his doctor and a nurse, both masked and gowned, entered his room and brought his mind back to the present.More tests, more needles. F.ck,  it starts all over again.

Jacey stared into Niall's room through the viewing window. He was sleeping as the stem cells were slowly dripped into his body. He looked pale, with dark circles under his eyes. Whether it was nerves or something else causing it,, Niall had been physically sick several times . Unfortunately, due to his delicate stomach condition, it had caused another stomach bleed. They were able to stop it quite quickly with medication  but it had further weakened Niall at a time when he could ill afford to have anything go wrong. The damage caused by his failed suicide attempts, though they were long in the past, was permanent and every time Niall vomited, he risked serious bleeding.It wasn't fair, Jacey thought. Poor Niall had been through so much over the last twenty years but it seemed never ending. The MS, that first, harsh experimental treatment, losing Caoimhe, raising Aoife on his own and now facing this new challenge. She felt tears sliding down her face as she continued to look at her husband.

"Doc says he's holding his own " Louis said as he through a comforting arm around Jacey's shoulders.

"I know, Lou, but look at him. Every time things start looking up for him, something goes wrong and we're back to square one. No matter how much I try to be positive, I can't help thinking of what could happen" Jacey's voice trembled as she spoke, unable to take her eyes off her sleeping husband. Louis didn't answer. He wasn't sure if he could say anything to her that was reassuring. Niall always looked so fragile these days. He'd never been a big person but now he looked almost childlike in stature and size.

"Com'on love, you can't do anything here. Let me take you home. I need some cuddles with my godson anyway". Louis took Jacey's hand and towed her away from Niall and out of the hospital, to the waiting car. "Things will look brighter tomorrow" he said as they walked. "Niall's a fighter, always has been. This will work and we'll soon put all the worry and stress behind us". Did he sound convincing enough ? Louis asked himself. He wanted to Jacey to believe that everything would be fine. 'But I want to convince myself, too' he admitted to himself. He gave Jacey an encouraging smile but even as he did so, it felt fake on his lips. Why Niall? He was the sweetest, funniest , most genuinely good person Louis knew. Why did bad things always seem to happen to him. He blinked rapidly, not wanting to cry in front of Jacey. He needed to be strong, stay strong, for her and for Niall.

The next days dragged by so slowly that Niall's family and friends felt that time had almost some to a standstill. The stem cell therapy was now completed and they were playing the waiting game. Niall was still in isolation until they were ready to perform the scans . So many hopes and prayers were wrapped up in the awaited results. They had finally allowed Jacey into Niall's room though she was having to be gowned and masked , and this time with easy other, was so precious. But each visit made her more and more worried. Niall seemed so tired. His face lit up when he saw her but then his smile vanished and he seemed to lapse into a depression, not really speaking to her though content enough to hold her gloved hand.

Niall felt exhausted beyond belief and he didn't understand it. He'd done nothing but lay still in a hospital bed for days, yet he felt like he'd done five tours, back to back with not a single day off. His body felt heavy and his head ached almost continually. The one bright spot of the day was when Jacey came to visit and told him all the news from home. How the baby was doing, and of Aoife with her little one. To be able to hold her hand and listen to her soothing voice  made him both happy and unbearable sad at the same time. It was bad enough that he was sick, he thought, but that he was making her suffer because of it ,depressed him. Part of his mind went back in time, wishing that Zayn had never......NO! Don't think like that, he chastised himself. Don't go there, don't go back to that dark place. Zayn had twice given him back a chance at life , he should be grateful, he reminded himself. But.....that dark place was calling him again, threatening to engulf him once more. Niall craved the temporary oblivion of sleep and  was eventually granted that release.

"Jacey, thank you for coming in" James Caldwell said as he waved her to a seat in his office. "I wanted to talk with you before you saw Niall".

"What's wrong, something's wrong, isn't it" Jacey's voice raised an octave in panic.

"Please, relax, and let me explain. We, Niall's medical team, feel that the actual transplant went well though obviously we won't know if it has been completely successful this time until the scans are done. Our concerns are not with that however. Niall should be recovering steadily but his condition is actually declining, both physically and mentally. It looks very likely that the last bout of Chemotheraphy caused far more stomach damage than even we could have  anticipated . You are aware that he did have some bleeding which we stopped ?" James looked at Jacey who nodded once, her face paper white. "We suspect he is having  some sort of slow bleed."We'll need to operate but , I'm sorry Jacey, it will be a major risk He's not really strong enough to undergo surgery. We'll have to delay as long as is possible and try and get him more stable.."

"There's no choice, is there?" she whispered . "If you don't, he could ......" Jacey couldn't do it, she couldn't say it.

"It may stop by itself but, no you're right, to leave it for too long  would also  be  a risk we can't afford." James hated what he was having to confirm.

"When?" Jacey asked, her suppressed tears making her voice sound husky.

"As soon as he's stronger . I've already contacted the surgeon. He's going  to examine Niall shortly. He'll decide then when he wants to go ahead with surgery. He's the best Jacey, the very best. I'll take you to meet him." He tucked his hand under her elbow and escorted her to the second floor office  where the Surgeon waited for them.

The grey hair Surgeon smiled sympathetically down at the pale and sweating young man as his probing hands made Niall whimper in pain. "Sorry, I know this is hurting you but I do need to do this. I'll be as gentle as I can". He finally straightened up then took Niall's charts from the nurse, frowning as he noted the results of the blood tests, Niall's blood pressure and temperature. "Well young man, I'm going to operate on you and get this sorted. We'll have you as good as new in no time" he said cheerfully getting a weak, half smile from his patient in response. Niall pushed the control on his bed that raised him up into a sitting position, his face suddenly contorted as an intense pain flashed through him and he vomited up a fountain of blood.

"Get him prepped for theatre..STAT!" 

A/N When doctors and nurses use the term 'stat' it means now as in it is very urgent.