Snowbaz One Shots

Ten Seconds at a Time

Hello! I am here! I'm not dead, I promise. Before we get started, I just wanted to mention something really quickly. I'm not sure how much longer this story is going to continue. I have over 50 chapters uploaded. It's not even that I'm losing interest, it's just that I'm running out of ideas. I think I've gotten pretty much everything out of this that I'm going to get. It's been incredibly, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I'm done yet, but just a heads up that it might not be very long. 

Also, the whole "ten seconds at a time" idea actually came from an episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. The idea just really resonated with me and I wanted to write a fic with it. :)

Hope you're all well! <3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon's POV

Baz is gone when I wake up. Just gone. My stomach plummets as I frantically reach for my phone to see if he's called or texted me. Just as I begin to scroll through my messages, I catch the date out of the corner of my eye. Oh. That's why. Climbing out of bed, I dial Baz's number even though I know that he won't pick up. This is the one day a year that I don't really have to worry if he doesn't pick up. He just has to do his own thing today and that's fine with me. Slipping on a jumper that smells like Baz, I plop down on the couch in the living room. All I can do is wait.

Around noon, the door creaks open and I spring in to action. This is most likely the beginning of stage two of Baz's coping process, which means that I'm basically going to be cuddling with him for the next few hours or so. He stumbles in to the living room. It's evident that he didn't bother to shower or shave before he left to wonder around the streets early this morning (Stage 1). His tousled hair is flopping down over his eyes and his jumper is horrifically wrinkled. He's clutching a photo in his fist, running his thumb over it, nonstop. I don't even have to look. I know that it's the same picture of his mother that he carries around with him when things get tough. I can't even count the number of times when I came home to find him just staring at it vapidly.

"Hey," I mutter, taking a few baby steps toward him. Baz makes a small guttural noise in response. My gaze travels up to his broken face to see that he's desperately biting his lip, trying to suck the tears back in to his eyes. It doesn't work. He crumbles in to my arms and I hold him there, stroking his back gently. I feel the shoulder of my jumper already soaking through.

"Why did she have to die, Simon?" Baz manages through heaves. I feel a lump rise in my own throat now. I may have never known her, but I wish more than anything that she could be here right now. Just to make him happy. Just so that I can see him smile.

"I..." I stutter and gulp. "I don't know, Baz."

Neither of us says or does anything for a while. Finally, when my arms and legs ache, I lead him over to the couch. We automatically collapse in to position, his body wrapped up in mine, the top of his head just in reach for me to plant kisses on every once in a while.

"You know..." Baz's voice sounds pitifully wispy. My heart shivers. "You know, I thought that this would get easier every year, but... it just..." A new bout of tears fall on to his cheeks. "...doesn't." His voice is even meeker than before.

"I know," I mutter, squeezing him tighter. "Just take it ten seconds at a time, love."

He sniffs and murmurs in to my chest, "What do you mean?"

"I mean... You can handle almost anything for just ten seconds. It'll be over before you even know it and then a new ten seconds starts. Just when it starts to get unbearable... it's over. That's what I always do when things get rough. Just take in ten seconds at a time." I kiss the top of his head.

"Simon?" Baz practically whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I like that. A lot."

Running my fingers through his hair, I smile slightly.

"Glad I could help."

A deafening silence passes by in moments.

"You always help."

Baz's POV

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10.

I manage a deep breath.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10.

I dry my tears.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10.

I let him hold me closer.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10.

I wish she was here with us.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10.

But everything will be okay.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10.

Soon enough.