Limerence.

Eleven.

---Eleven---

Jasmine's pov;

My eyes are bloodshot and my lips are puffy from how long I have been crying. The tears don't seem to stop, and my sobs are unbearable even for myself. I haven't cried so much in so long, I have held everything inside forever now and it was even worse than this.

I'm so bad at being alone, but I wouldn't want someone to see me cry like this. I don't like being vulnerable and seem like an emotional person. I act so tough and all, but inside, I'm a mess. In this moment, I wish I wouldn't be so stupid, I wish I could be more open, I wish I would hold my temper and not take everything to heart. I have been trying to be strong, change and put the past aside, but it's impossible. Too much has happened for me to let go, I try to remember the good memories but when I do, I miss them and then the bad come to mind.

I'm so scared that the only thing I will have left from that friendship will be the bad and not the good. I feel so guilty for thinking badly about her, even if I might be right in some things, I don't like cussing her out. She was such a good friend, I don't know what changed so much between us. Too many broken pieces who cannot be glued together, they shatter even more as time goes by. The aftermath is even worse than the duration of the events.

There's a knock on my door and I widen my eyes. Who the hell is it? What if it's her? My subconscious says. I don't want to open, whoever it is, I have no mood to interact with them. There's a knock again, and again after I don't answer for the fourth time. I groan and wipe my tears.

"Coming!" I yell. I try my best to look presentable, and open, with a neutral expression.

"I thought you weren't inside and-" Harry looks up at me. "What the hell happened?" He asks. He asks me the same question I asked him, a couple of weeks ago when he got off the phone and he got insanely mad.

"Do you need anything?" I try to ask politely.

"For you to tell me what happened and why you were crying" He stepped inside, not even asking. I sigh and close the door. I sit on my bed and he does too. I realise I'm wearing his sweater and he notices too, but doesn't say anything. When did I ever wear that again? He still hasn't gotten it back, along with his sweatpants, from the day after the party.

"I wasn't- I was but it doesn't matter. Why did you come here in the first place?" I asked. I can't lie, I look like a mess.

"Of course it matters. Is it about her?" He asks and I bite my cheek, looking at my feet. "God, what did she do? I swear, I don't even know her and I hate her" He said. He comes a little closer, our thighs almost touching.

"She didn't do anything. At least now. Just leave it" I said.

"Jasmine" He looked at me, seriousness in his features.

"I can't tell you"

"Why not?"

"Because I need to let it go, and I am miserable when I even think of it. It's embarassing" I said.

"Sometimes, all you need is to just get it off your chest J. I know you don't trust me, but I want to help. I've been here for you since the accident and I'm not going anywhere. I won't tell anyone, I promise" His comforting words surprise me. I really didn't think he was somebody to be so compassionate, understanding and so good with words. Sweet words, at least.

"It's such a long story" I said.

"I've got all the time it takes" He puts a hand on my back.

I take a deep breath. "I..." And there I go. I start talking about how Stella and I first met each other, how we were brought so close and became best friends. How we were just so perfectly fine as friends. And then we started having little fights, but they got worse through times and they were unbearable. We fought, and fought, being brought to a place to talk badly about each other. I tell him how my own best friend brought me to my downfall by wishing for me to be dead. How I was depressed by a series of events, those bad words Stella told me included with the death of two close family members.

And it all got worse, when before the start of the second year of college, Stella knew how much of a bad time I was having, but regardless, told me she wouldn't care if I died when I told her I was depressed and tried self harm some times.

"She acts like nothing at all happened, that she never told me all those things and she didn't try as hard as I did to save us. It sucks you know. When everything is doing fine, it all crashes again, and the worst part is that, I really don't want to try and pull it all back together again, but I have to, because I feel so guilty if I don't. No one even knows how much I struggled the past seven or eight months. I had no other friends, no other shoulder to cry on and I couldn't even tell my own sister because I was embarassed by my behaviour. I was so low doing all those things, it was so unlike me. I was a different person. My mum had no idea what was going on, I stayed in bed all day, I refused to go out and spend the summer inside. I even told her I wanted to drop out of college because I didn't want to see her" I haven't even noticed, that Harry has moved and has been hugging me all along, while I cried in his arms and laughed with no humour at everything ironic.

"I could care less. I could care less about saving anything now, there's nothing to save. I cared so freaking much about her, I still do and I find myself miss her some days. But she always told me it was my fault we were fighting, that I always play the victim and that I don't give a shit about her, when I did the complete opposite" I sobbed. I can't believe myself, crying over her again after so long that I have been strong enough to be emotionless.

"I... I don't really know what to say" He said.

"You don't have to say anything, really. It actually feels good to be saying this to somebody" I said. Even though, I'm scared of sharing anything important, because what if now something changes between Harry and I? I don't want to get attached.

"How are you doing now? How do you feel? Are you still... You know, depressed?" He asked.

"Honestly I don't think so. But it scares the shit out of me when I cry like this, because I don't want it to come back" I said.

"It won't come back. You have us now" He said.

"Yeah. You take my mind off of these things" I said.

"When you were in the coma... You- you looked so peaceful. I always wondered why, I wondered if something has happened and you found your peace and quiet. Now I know why" He said.

"Yeah, I did" I said.

"I'm so glad that you feel better. No one deserves to be treated this way. I can't believe what she said when she knew. If she was a male, I would have beat the shit out of him for you" He said and made me giggled.

"I could have done that myself, from my anger" I said.

"You rebel" He laughed along with me. Our laughs lingered together and filled the small space of my dorm. I like the way his laugh sounds.

"Thank you for listening. I didn't really think you had it in you, to be a supportive listener" I said.

"Well, maybe you didn't read all of me afterall" He smiled.

"Maybe" I smiled back.

"And don't worry. I won't tell anybody, it can be our secret" He said.

"Our secret" I repeated.

Harry stayed until it got dark. We ordered Chinese, ate and watched a movie, joking and bantering about how the characters are. He's good company and I needed this. I needed someone to talk to and it helped so much. If only he knew how much it means. But he never will, because if I tell him, things will change, and I don't want that to happen, ever.

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~Hope you liked this chapter, revealing Jasmine's past. More to come, so stay tuned. Love ya. -Eva. xx