Last Battle (X-Men Fanfiction)

I'm So Sorry

I padded down the narrow hallway to Logan and I's room. I scented Logan's cigar scent and tapped on the outside of the door. "Logan it's Starlight."

I heard grumbling and thought that it was Logan's way of saying that I could come in. I pushed myself in and saw Logan sitting on his bed. He was looking at the ceiling with dark eyes and I wondered what was bothering him.

"Logan," I breathed as I trailed forward, my eyes adjusting to the lack of light. "Logan are you alright?"

Logan sat up and looked at me, without his shirt on. I frowned in surprised and saw his muscles tensing. "Logan," I repeated. He was looking right at me but it was if he was looking through me instead of at me.

Logan suddenly shook his head to clear it and he finally seemed to register that I was there. "S-Starlight," he mumbled as he raised a hand and brushed it over his sideburns.

"What's wrong," I asked as I strode forward and leaped on the bed beside Logan. I touched my nose to his hand and tried to get him to stop trembling. I hadn't seem Logan like this before and it startled me. "Logan!"

Logan turned his head to look at me with hollow eyes. "Have you ever felt like after someone you loved died that there is just a hole in your heart and it's never going to be filled again."

I looked at Logan and sighed. "I've felt that way since the day I was born Logan. My mother died and now Mirage. I mean I killed him Logan!" I saw that Logan's attention was turning back to whatever he was thinking about so I stretched out a paw and sunk my claws into his shoulder until I felt bone. He turned to look at me and I knew that look in his eye. I saw the same look a few moons ago. "This is about Jean, isn't it?"

Logan forced a nod and I sighed. "I know it's hard."

"Hard," echoed Logan and I saw him narrow his eyes. "I loved her! You don't know how much I loved her!"

My fur bristled along my spine in surprise. "You think that I didn't love Mirage or my mother?" My eyes hardened and I bared my teeth a bit. I lashed my tail. "Everyday I think about them but I can't let it slow me down. I have a family to look after, unlike you!"

I suddenly realized what I had just said and I swore under my breath. Logan looked away and he let out a raspy breath. "I-I'm so sorry," I stammered as I shook my head madly. "I didn't mean that. I've just been on edge these past few moons and I can't believe how insensible I've been. Jean died and I really haven't told you how really sorry I am about what happened."

Logan licked his lips and nodded slowly. "It's alright. I know that you're still depressed about Mirage."

I sighed and nodded slowly. "Not it's fine I think that-"

Logan suddenly let out a choking noise. He buried his face in his hands and shock overwhelmed me. I had no idea what he was doing but I did know I've never seen him like this.

"Logan," I breathed as I watched his shoulders shake violently. He let out some strange sounds and I realized with a jolt that Logan was crying. He was actually sobbing.

I had never seen Logan cry and quite frankly it startled me. I knew that he was tough and it just didn't seem like him to cry or show his emotion. I remembered though that Logan hadn't cried at all when Jean died. Scott had and still wasn't in back to his usual self. I just decided to just let him let him out.

"Logan," I pressed as I rested my head on his lap and whimpered. "Logan it's okay."

Logan stretched out a shaky hand and stroked me roughly. "She's gone Starlight. She's gone and it's all my fault," he cried as his claws shot out, just narrowly missing my ear. He slammed them down into the bed and I felt his rage travel through me.

"It's not your fault," I argued as I shoved my ears forward. I suddenly leaned forward and pressed my head against his shoulder which had already healed from my claws. "Mirage was my fault, Jean was not your fault. She sacrificed herself for us, for the pups, for the students, for you."

Logan turned to look at me and looked more angry now than sad. "I should have been the one to sacrifice myself, not her," he growled and his tone nearly made me shiver. "I could heal and she would be back here and-"

"She would be with Scott," I finished with darkening yet understanding eyes. "Logan I know that you loved her but her heart belonged to Scott."

Logan shook his head in anger and laid back on the bed, sinking his claws into a pillow. Feathers wafted up and I forced myself to my paws and strode toward him. I laid beside him and rested my head on his chest, feeling the strong thumping of his heart.

"I know what you're going through whether or not you want to believe me or not," I murmured gently. "I've lost my fair share of ones that I loved. Lucky for me I haven't lost my mate or my pups but I've lost my mother and my friends. I even killed someone I cared about."

"How do you get over it," asked Logan as he pushed his fingers through his hair that clung to his brow from sweat.

"You never do, really," I confessed as I curled my tail around my haunch. "No one ever wants to tell you that you never really get over death. It's like a dark cloud that hovers over you no matter where you go, not matter what you do."

Logan just sighed and stretched out a hand and stroked my spine. Whether you care or not because I didn't at the time that Thruster told me but dogs have an enzyme in them that's released when humans pet them that makes them happy. Humans have the exact same enzyme so when they pet a wolf like me they're happy as well. It's very calming so that's why whenever anyone is distressed I would encourage them to pet a canine.

"However as childish as it sounds talking does help. Maybe it's your turn to talk to the Professor," I encouraged as I thumped my tail against the ground encouragingly.

Logan shook his head. "I'm fine. I just need a good nights sleep."

I lifted my head from his chest and fixed him with a stern gaze. "We both know that won't happen," I murmured as I blinked my eyes.

"What do you mean," Logan asked as he turned his head in confusion.

"I don't sleep anyone either so when I lay awake I hear you crying out in your sleep," I confessed as I looked down at his hands with his adamantium claws still unsheathed. "They come out. You're lucky I can heal or I'd be a dead wolf."

"Why haven'y you said anything," complained Logan as he retracted his claws. "I could have-"

"What," I blurted as I extended my own claws. "You can't do anything and you know it. It doesn't bother me anymore." I stood up before I curled vigorously before laying pressed against him. "Besides I know I can thrash around in my sleep, as you'll told me."

Logan cracked a smile and stroked my head before he gazed into my eyes. "Thanks Starlight."

"For what," I asked as I tilted my head in confusion.

"For being there for me," replied Logan as he laid back heavily on the bed.

"I don't hear those words often," I joked lightly. "I'm usually not a comfort but I'm glad I was tonight."

I rested my head back on Logan's shoulder. "You did. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about Tony. You're right, it's your and Thruster's decision, not mine," he pointed out.

I smiled. "I'm glad for you impute though," I assured him. "I'd rather you tell me the truth than just tell me a lie to make me feel better."

Logan closed his eyes. "Well then you'll be pleased to know that I have a lot more truths I want to tell you."

I growled playfully and scratched his side but he healed instantly. "Well at least save the truth for tomorrow. I'm exhausted."

"Sounds good," muttered Logan as he rested his hand on my back. I just prayed that I would wake up with adamantium claws in my flank.

"Goodnight Logan," I murmured as I closed my eyes and felt sleep overwhelm me.