Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

twenty-two

As we're getting closer to me leaving for Seattle, the more nervous I've become. My stress levels have been way too high, and I can't even talk about to wedding or anything like that without feeling like a panic attack is about to hit me.

There were only two weeks left until I leave. I'll be back in Seattle for the first time in three years.

I've been doing whatever I can to not think about it. I just want it to not be stressful. I want to this go smoothly and I'm sure it will. It was hard to not think about it when I called Calum this morning to wish him happy birthday. It was pretty much all we talked about. Even when he called me for my birthday last week. Everything is just about going back there.

Currently, I'm finishing up an I assignment I need to finish as Michael is curled up in my bed.

"You're still good if I stay here?" Michael asks, quietly laughing as he puts his phone down.

I nod, a small giggle passing my lips, "Of course. I know you and Ashton have a busy boys weekend planned."

"Thanks, I love you." He chuckles.

I laugh, shaking my head at him, "Michael, you're always here all the time. It's fine. You and your parents are spending way too much on rent at your place for it to be empty four days a week."

"True. I needed to make sure you're okay with it though because you won't even be here." He replies.

"Don't worry about it, bub." I tell him as I close my laptop, now finished with my assignment.

"Also, if you don't clean this place before you leave, I'll definitely be cleaning it. I can't believe you live like this." He says, looking around my room that's currently a disaster.

"It isn't normally like this and you know that!" I exclaim, giggling while looking at the mess.

"Yeah, yeah." He mutters.

"And since you've said that, I won't be cleaning, I'll let you do it."

"But I don't want to do your laundry!" He whines, seeing as I have clothes almost everywhere except the closet.

I chuckle, climbing into my bed with him, "You basically volunteered, sorry, bub."

He groans, but ends up laughing along with me as he pulls me towards him, "You'll be okay, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"In Seattle. You always say you'll never go back and it's just not great there for you. Will you be okay?"

I know he's worried I'm going to have a nervous breakdown and start drinking again. But I'll be okay. I'm okay with Kiana and Calum. They don't know about any of my substance abuse past and that I'm sober now, but I'm sure it won't be brought up.

"I'll be okay, Michael. If I have any problems, I'll call you. If you don't answer, I'll call Ashton. Yes, I'll be stressed, but I can manage now. It's been a long time." I tell him, though part of me isn't so sure. I still struggle. It gets hard sometimes.

Michael doesn't need to hear that right now though. I don't want him to worry about me anymore. We're in a good place now. I don't want him to think I can't handle this trip to Seattle.

"Okay. I'm proud of you, though. You're going back for Kiana when you really didn't ever want to go back. You're going to support her though." He smiles, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm really happy she's including me. We weren't always the closest. I love her, I'm so excited for her. She's marrying her soulmate."

Michael grabs my hand fiddling with my fingers before speaking up, his voice soft, "Can you imagine that being us one day?"

It felt like my heart had stopped beating. It felt like I was about to immediately have a panic attack. There were no words for me to reply to him. I just moved away, startled, my jaw slightly dropped as I tried to say something.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He mumbles, letting go of my hands, unable to look up at me.

"Michael, i-it's not about you, it's just- I just- didn't expect that." I stammer, still not knowing what to say.

Marriage isn't a great topic for me, clearly. Saying 'actually I'm already married so that isn't an option' really wasn't something I could say right now.

"No, I get it. It's okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He repeats.

"Bub, it's okay. I love you. It's just startling to hear, that's all." I tell him, trying not to upset him, and not show that internally I'm panicking.

He just sighs, as I cuddle into him once again. Neither of us said anything for a few moments, he just held me. Michael and I were doing well, but in that moment, we felt so off.

-

Ashton sits at my desk, tapping away on his phone while he hangs around while I pack. Even though it's two weeks away I'm starting my packing now.

"Ash, which should I wear to the bridal shower?" I ask, holding up two dresses to show him.

"You look hot in that light pink one." He tells me, only looking up to reply to my question before he goes back to looking at his phone.

"Is it fancy enough though?"

"Kels, you're fine. You can look hot and classy at the same time. Relax." He laughs, still not looking up from his phone.

"I need more help. Which one of these for when I go try my bridesmaid dress. I have to look nice." I ask, holding up two other dresses.

He looks up, clearly getting more annoyed by me, "The black one, you look hot."

"Thanks, I know." I reply, placing it with the other dress.

"Will you be okay?" He asks, still seeming uninterested with me, his phone being the only thing he cares about.

"I know all of you are worried about me going to Seattle alone, but I'm okay! Michael asked when he was here and Nina and Kyle have both asked as well."

"We all just want you to be okay."

"Don't worry, I will be." I smile, getting somewhat excited to go back to celebrate with Kiana.

"As long as you're sure." Ashton replies, now putting his phone down.

I nod, "I am."

I'm not. I'm not sure I'll be okay. But I'm telling myself that I will be. I'm gonna fake it 'til I make it. I'm not letting any of them worry about me. I think I'll be fine, but I really don't know.

"Call me at any time if you need." He says, standing up from my desk chair.

"I will!" I exclaim as he makes his way out of my room.

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thanks for reading!! I promise it's picking up soon!! u will get the Luke content ur craving in a bit!!