Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

forty

As I climb into bed, trying to calm down, I pull out my phone. Clicking Kiana's contact, I try to relax as I listen to it ring, waiting for her to pick up.

"Hey, Kels." Kiana finally answers.

"Are you busy?" I quickly ask, trying to slow my breathing.

"No, I just got home from class, what's up?" She questions, a little more serious now.

"Uh, I had an appointment today."

"Oh, right, baby. How'd it go?" Kiana says, as if she had forgotten about my situation.

"Well, I definitely am- uh-"

"Pregnant?" She says, finishing my sentence for me.

"I still don't believe it. It's not real."

"Apparently it is." Kiana replies.

I sigh, "I haven't told anybody yet. I don't think I'll be able to. I'm going to have to just wait until I'm showing and they can figure it out themselves."

"Kels, come on. How are you feeling?"

"Uncomfortable. Making a baby takes a lot out of you, apparently. I understand why I couldn't sleep for so long from being so uncomfortable. It was this."

"But, how are you feeling?"

"I'm still very nervous. I- I don't know. It's hard for me to process. A lot is going on with me and adding this is crazy."

"It'll get better, Kels." She speaks softly, trying to calm me down.

I sigh, "Hopefully."

"How far along are you?"

"I'm six weeks. I'll have a small bump at your wedding. God, I'm terrified." Starting to panic again, I can feel my eyes filling up with tears.

"That'll be so cute. I know you're stressed, but I'm happy for you Kels. You've been taking about being a mom since high school."

"Yeah. Before my entire life flipped upside down." I choke out, trying to keep myself together.

"You'll get through this. When you tell Ashton and your friends you'll start to feel better about it."

"I'm hoping so." I tell her, letting out a deep breath.

There's a knock at my door, and Kiana and I end the call, before Ashton finally lets himself into my room.

"Can we talk?" He asks, closing the door behind him.

"Uh, actually-"

"No more excuses. We've barely talked since you saw Michael. What's going on?"

I've been avoiding Ashton. I'm having a hard time with dealing with him. We talk quickly, we obviously see each other at work and around the house. We just don't spend as much time together anymore like we normally do.

"Nothing's going on."

He sighs, "Clearly something is."

"I just don't feel the greatest. I've been trying to catch up on sleep and school. I'm sorry."

"I don't know if that's true, but okay. I just wish you wouldn't shut me out."

"There's just some things I need to go through by myself right now. That's why I've been having a hard time. That's why I've isolated myself." I try to explain, really not ready to tell him yet.

"Did you relapse?"

"No. No, I'm doing well right now." Mostly because if I do, it'll cause a lot of problems for the situation I'm in.