Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

forty-one

"God, I can't fucking do this I can't do this I really can't do this-"

"Kels?"

"I fucking can't I'm going to throw up-"

"Kels!" Ashton exclaims, grabbing my wrist and turning me around.

"Huh? What?" I ask, closing my eyes tightly as I take a deep breaths and grab his hands.

"You need to breathe. If you don't want to go, you don't have to." He tells me, looking me in my eyes that I've finally opened.

I hastily pull my hands away from his, quickly realizing that was just making my anxiety worse.

"Kels?" He questions, clearly just confused.

"I do have to go. I want to. It's just scary." I explain, continuing to take deep breaths.

"Okay. If you need anything, I'm here."

-

"Luke, hi." I nervously smile, while he stands up from his chair as I approach the table.

"Kels, hey, how are you?" He asks, nervously going in for a hug.

I take a deep breath, giving him a quick hug before answer his question, "I'm doing okay, I guess. And you?"

Luke smiles as we sit down, before looking up at me, "I'm a lot better now."

"Luke-"

"Listen, I'm not trying to be like that. This city can be very stressful. It's nice to see a familiar face that's not one of my employees." He interrupts, letting out a quiet sigh.

I just nod, nervously chewing on my lip.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

"I don't know. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I mean, this is a little weird for me. I don't know how it's not for you. We just got divorced, I don't know." I shrug, looking down at my hands.

"I get it. Just trying to ignore that. Trying to just be friends." He replies, forcing a smile.

"How've you been back home?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

He shrugs, "Working, mostly."

"You haven't been sleeping around in celebration?" I joke, a small smirk on my lips.

"Ever since you've been to Seattle, I've barely been able to look at other girls. God, you're literally all I can think about."

All I could think about was that I had a secret I was hiding. I know he needs to know soon. Telling him in person would probably be the best option.

I sigh, taking a deep breath, "Listen, Luke. If anything will ever happen with us again, or even just being friends, I feel like we need to be honest with each other. About everything. Even if we don't want to."

"Yeah. Of course, Kels."

"About you not seeing anybody since Seattle..."

Am I really doing this?

"Oh. Are you back with Michael? I get it, I guess-"

"I'm pregnant, Luke." I blurt, interrupting him.

Why am I saying this?

Luke chokes on his coffee, before going into a coughing fit for what felt like forever. "Excuse me?"