Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

thirty-seven

The past couple days haven't been great. Today wasn't a great day for me. It was just one of those days where everything was hitting me really hard. I miss Michael. I miss Luke. I've just been so exhausted. I keep crying myself to sleep.

I've been going to class and work still, even though I really don't want to. I don't have the energy for it, but I'm managing.

"Kelsey?" Ashton calls, knocking at my bedroom door.

"Yeah? Come in." I reply, sitting up in my bed.

"Hey." He smiles, closing the door behind him.

"Uh, hey. What's up? It's three in the morning." I chuckle, looking up at him.

"Is it? Shit, you can go back to sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping. I'm just watching a movie."

"Oh. Okay. Can we cuddle? I'm sad." He replies.

"Yeah. What's wrong?" I ask, watching him close the door.

"I'm not really sure. I'm just sad." He tells me, climbing into bed with me.

I curl up with him, a small sigh passing my lips.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

I shrug, "I'm kinda sad too."

"Oh, did something happen?"

"You know what happened, Ash. I cheated on my boyfriend, so he left me. I understand that. I don't like that he's gone missing. I kinda miss Luke. I've only been sober for like, I don't know, a couple weeks? I'm fucked up."

"I'm sorry. I know. I feel like we haven't been able to talk much recently. We haven't really talked through all of this yet."

"Yeah. I mean, you did leave for a few days and then we did fuck and like, didn't talk much after that, so..."

"I- I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if after... what happened, you were still good with me."

"Obviously, Ashton. We just did something stupid. Nice, but stupid." I lightly laugh.

He chuckles, "I mean, at least you enjoyed it?"

"Yeah. Great job." I reply.

"Okay, anyways. I do want to apologize for not talking through your Seattle trip with you. We've talked about this stuff a bit. But, I just haven't been around."

"It's okay, I guess. I can't expect you to be around to help me the second I get a bit sad."

Ashton frowns, "I should be, though. We're best friends, Kels. Is there anything you didn't tell me about?"

"Honestly, you heard most of it. I'm just glad I'm getting closer with Calum and Kiana again. I'm always texting them now. They're so great."

"I'm glad!"

I pause, taking a deep breath, "I- I'm also talking to Luke."

"You are?"

"Yeah. We actually talked on the phone the other day. He texted me this morning too."

"Kels..."

"We're trying to be friends. The divorce is still happening." I quickly tell him, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.

"Just, please, be careful. I don't know what I'd do if he hurt you again. It sucked seeing you so upset over him."

"I know a lot of people would probably judge me for this. But, it's my life. I'm going to see how things go. This isn't me getting back together with him. Yet."