Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

sixty-two

"Fuck, that was so much better than I remember." I huff, as Luke falls to the other side of the bed.

"Thanks-"

"I guess cheating is good practice." I interrupt, smirking as I stare up at the ceiling.

"I gave you the best- well, everything of your life tonight and that's what you have to say?"

"I wouldn't say the best. Ashton's actually amazing at-"

"Kelsey!"

I chuckle, "What? He knows what he's doing."

"Do I need to start talking about Frankie and I getting together to get back at you, or..." Luke trails off.

"You cheated on me!"

"You can't hold that over me forever!"

"I'm going to right now!" I exclaim, cuddling into his side.

He presses a kiss to the top of my head, "I get the most insane mixed signals from you, it's unreal."

"I don't even know what I feel, how could you get clear signals from me at all?"

"Do you know how fucked up that sounds?"

I sigh, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry we just fucked and you don't know how I feel about you. Should I bring up the whole cheating thing again?"

"Damn, pillow talk is normally never this intense."

I let out a quiet laugh, trying to hide my smile even though Luke can't see my face.

"I'm really sorry, Kels. I really am. I know I'll never be able to make it up to you. I understand if it's hard for you to trust me again. Fuck, I really fucked this up. I'm so sorry."

"Okay, this really is serious. I'm ending this now. I'm going to shower." I tell him, wrapping one of the blankets around me and walking off to his ensuite.

"I guess I'll get dressed." He mutters, rolling out of bed.

The second I close the door, my entire attitude changes. I stare at myself in the mirror, my eyes immediately tearing up.

"What did I just do?" I mutter to myself.

Quickly falling to the floor, I pull my knees to my chest. Trying to catch my breath was all I could focus on. This wasn't the time to have a panic attack.

It was all starting to set in. I haven't done this since Ashton. I got pregnant then. What if it happens again? What if I have to go through everything again? Those are 'what ifs' though, Kelsey. But it could still happen. Why did I even have sex with Luke? It's Luke! This shouldn't have happened.

When Luke knocks on the door, I realize how loud my crying had become.

"Kelsey? What's wrong? Can you open the door please?" Luke begs, knocking at the door again.

I sniffle, taking a deep breath, "I'm fine! It's okay, Luke!"

"Kels, please..."

I just ignore him, trying to keep my crying quieter. I couldn't help it. I just feel like this was bringing everything back. Maybe I wasn't ready do to this again. Especially not with Luke. Why would I do this with Luke?

You're overthinking now, Kelsey.

The second I hear the door unlocking, I hold the blanket closer to my chest. I look away as Luke rushes in in a panic.

"What's wrong? Hey, look at me." He begs, reaching out for my hand, but I pull away.

"Can you leave me alone? Let me have a panic attack in peace, please." I choke out, wiping my tears on the blanket.