You make me weak . lashton

Feeling Something

I stood there for a moment feeling something crumble like it had done many times before. I was loosing pieces of my life that held it together. He was taking these people away from me, Liam and Noah had been apart of my life for the past three years and although we weren't best mates they were important to us as a family. I know that it was Jace who was the pushing decision because he had never liked them. Because they would pick at him for small stupid mistakes that really got to him because he has always been hard on himself over everything since we all have screwed up lives and there is anything we could say to change it. Although we had grown up together in the same fucked up situation I don't feel sympathy for him. He's a vindictive bastard who feels like he needs to make shit even and right our wrongs by getting back at us the a gullible child. He should have knee better then to fuck around with me because I'm past my limit and I've already snapped I will be the one to kill him and it won't the the prettiest or quickest thing I've ever done but it will make a statement about the shit he has put himself in. "Don't worry I will be the one to pull the trigger when the time comes he will be on his knees in front of me begging for his life and forgiveness for all the things he's done." I say looking around at everyone in this house with teary eyes and flush faces. "Mack told me about that boyfriend of yours." Will says broken-hearted squeezing my shoulder before walking past me going to his office and closing the doors behind him. "Why'd you leave the hospital why aren't you with Luke?" Mack asks rubbing the dripping tears away from her chin and cheeks looking up at me. "His brothers will be there to keep him safe I don't think I'm going to be around him anymore." I say quietly looking down at my hands tinted with Luke's blood from his injury. "Y-you can't be serious I thought you loved him?!" Alec says standing up from the couch looking at me. "He got hurt I don't want him involved in his." I say back looking over at Mack who's looking away from us. "You always do this! You get close to people then you let your twisted demented fucked up personality decided that you don't need them!" Alec yell slamming his hand against the wall. "He couldn't have died he's in pain right now!" I yell back confused by his reaction. "We loose people all the time why do you think you get the decision to push him away like you've done me and everyone else?!" Alec says walking up to me. "I'm not good for him to be around." I say trying not to raise my voice at him. "What because he got hurt? Don't you realize it's going to hurt him a hell of a lot more leaving him?!" He says slamming my shoulder into the doorway. "He's too good for you! You don't deserve someone like him!!" Alec yells angrily before stomping out of the room leaving Mack and I alone in the room which had became awkwardly silent. "Ash you wouldn't really leave him." She says looking up at me with glossy eyes mentally reliving everything that had happened tonight. "You seen it yourself Mack he was hurt because of me because I want him and I brought him into our fucked up lives." I say on the brink of tears. "You can't do that to him he's in the hospital he isn't even awake right now he needs us he's my best friend and I won't!" She says standing up looking me directly in my eyes. "I can't we can't he's in pain I love him and I don't wanna see him hurt!" I yell wishing they'd understand me. "You're selfish Ashton you aren't the only one who loves him isn't that obvious!" She screams back smacking me before shoving past me. "You're so fucking clueless! He's my best friend my only friend outside of this group he wasn't scared off by us! Alec is right he does love him more." She says abruptly stopping herself before stomping out of the house and pulling out of the driveway.

I stood there feeling the sting spread across my face and anger boil inside of me. "Alec get the fuck down here!" I scream walking out of the living room towards the bottom of the staircase. "Fuck you Ashton!" I hear him yell from upstairs and I quickly go up them and down the hallway towards his room. "No I need a fucking explanation to what Mack just said!" I say slinging his door open seeing him standing over his desk with two handguns and ammunition. "Explain What Ashton." He says sounding annoyed picking up a gun loading it. "She said that you love Luke?" I say confused and frustrated watching as his expression drops.
"You really just don't understand Ash." He says sitting his gun down sighing. "Then explain so I understand." I say flatly. "I do love Luke, h-he's different he cares about people and he understands and listens to people and I'm sorry Ashton but I love him." He says and I can feel my stomach flip.
"You can't love him, he isn't yours and he never will be." I say glaring at him. "You don't love him you don't even want him you wanna leave him so he can get hurt he's special don't you realize that, there's no one who will ever have as much compassion for people as he does even the shitty terrible people like us who've done the worst shit imaginable he has sympathy for us and he would never hurt anyone." Alec says making my heart shatter thinking about Luke who's laying in a hospital bed all because he wanted to be with me.

"It doesn't matter, he'll always love me, you're never someone's first choice so you have to go and steal your brothers girlfriend." I say emotionless watching something inside of him snap.
"You're right, I never have been someone's priority but here you go getting everything you want. I wonder if Luke knew you screwed her just as many times if not more than I had because you use people." He says sticking his guns in his waistband. "Why do you think he'd run to you and just like she did when I no longer wanted her. I bet it broke your heart to watch Jace shoot her dead in front of you since you were probably in love with her just like Luke." I say remembering everything about that moment seeing him pull out a gun and shoot her without and hesitation watching as Alec cried in pain for her and her blood seep through the cracks in the tile floor. "You're a real ass you know that." Alec says walking past me out of his room and down the hall. "Just like you're dad I guess I've always been his favorite too." I say watching as he looked away from me walking down the stairs and out the front door. I couldn't help the anger I had felt towards him and although I regretted what I had said to him I was too prideful to follow after him unsure of what he was getting himself into.

~ Authors note ~
Team Ashton or team Alec??
If you had any thoughts please leave them in a comment, tell me what you think about the chapter they're always read and always appreciated. ♥︎

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