You make me weak . lashton

destructive

Alec's pov

I had knew from the moment I met him things wouldn't go my way.

He was so out of my league, like he didn't belong to a world like this, and he'd never wanna look twice at the terrible things around him. But he stepped into my world unknowing. His face is so endearing and his expression was caring. But his eyes were bearing the pain in the world. He seems so care free but he's secretive and never opens up about himself, and as many times as I've tried I let my jealousy get the best of me. Maybe I truly wasn't in love with him but I was jealous of all the things my brothers could have that I'm too brash for. They could so easily find these people who they would give their all for. I couldn't help but want the same things that they had that I could never. It's became almost impossible for me to sit in a group of people and not feel anxious because I'm not sure how to react so I drink to calm my nerves.

To cloud out the terrible way I have of thinking. But even when I'm around Luke I'm too worried about being myself. I've never been able to understand why I've got a narrow way of thinking and constant melancholy tendencies. It turns on like a switch and causes all my heart ache and grief. I push myself away from people and I won't open up. I've never understand why I do. I've never been able to talk about the things that have made me the way I am in years until I could talk to Luke because I wasn't worried that he was going to leave, I knew that because he loves Ashton so much he would stay around even though I know he's scared and has no clue what he's gotten himself into. I walked down the stairs brushing off the things Ashton had said to me, sure he was pissed at me I'm pissed at myself. "Come on Ashton." I yell back up the stairs holding onto the railing hearing him walk out of my room to the top of the steps. "That the fuck do you want an actual fist fight?" He asks walking down the stairs glaring at me. "No were going to work all this shit out, were going to kill him and I'm sorry Ash." I say as I walked out of the front door to my dad's car with Ashton getting in and pulling out of the driveway "You can't keep doing this shit." He huffs glaring over at me with crossed arms. "I know Ash I wish I understood myself but I just don't." I say picking up the speed.
"This is the whole reason we're about to go fight, did you even really love her." He asks looking back out the window. "Yes, she understood me and she was lonely like me he didn't love her Ash." I say rubbing my thumb along the leather on the steering wheel.

"No he didn't and neither did I but she was just wanting attention, you fell for it maybe I screwed her but I wasn't in love with her." Ashton says sighing watching as I take a quick turn down the road.
"Don't hate me but I do love Luke, but understand that I don't wanna date him or be with him like that, I did kiss him at the party and I regret it." I say rethinking back to the party, arguing then kissing him and leaving him alone. I was the one who left him alone.

"Wait you kissed Luke?" Ashton says looking back over to me absolutely stunned. "At the party we were both drunk he didn't kiss back and it wasn't anything close to making out Ash." I say pulling onto the side of the road into a small gravel lot pulling out my phone. "Fine you were drunk, I'm not going to kill you but I won't forgive you and now that you've told me where the hell are we at and what are you planning to do?" He asks sighing in frustration.

"I thought you would have already figured that one out Ash." I say handing him a handgun and he checks the safety on it while I check mine. "No stupid just tell me already." He says hatefully sliding the gun into his pocket huffing. "We're going to get Jace and kill whoever we need to in the process." I say turning off the gravel down a small side road that was almost hidden with trees and overgrowth. "Sounds good to me." He says shrugging watching me pick up speed as we fly down the empty road seeing all the trashed vacant houses that were in the area but the families were ran out by gangs and drugs which destroyed the small neighborhood that we used to visit when we were younger.

"Do you really think that shitty junky knew what he was talking about?" Ashton asks flipping stations on the radio. "Well they were apparently closer then we thought otherwise he wouldn't have done what he had." I say pulling a cd out of the door compartment hading it to Ashton to put in. "Good choice." Ashton says putting the green day cd in turning up the volume. "But how do you know where he is right now?" Ashton asks watching the directions given on the screen. "Mike has his ways, just make sure our target is constant." I say shrugging taking a turn down the road. "And what'd it cost you?" Ashton asks looking at the pinpoint on the directions. "Oh I got and ear full and a dick shot because apparently he has a thing for Luke's friend he just didn't know that he was gay, I guess they ended up together after the party." I say remember walking into Michael's apartment towards his room opening the door seeing the two of them laying together. "Does that mean I can punch you in the dick because you kissed Luke?" Ashton asks rolling his eyes at me. "You don't have to, Mack really tried to fuck me up when she found out, good thing she doesn't throw knifes very well." I say shaking my head thinking about all the shit I've gotten myself into. "Trust me it was for Luke not me." He says rolling his eyes glancing at the red spot on his cheek where her her hand had landed. "Be happy you were just smacked the knife she threw is still sunk in the kitchen wall." I say eventually coming to a stop. "This is the place." I say getting out of Will's Jeep shutting the door looking up at the late house with a few cars parked in the front.

"Let's go make him understand how bad he fucked up." Ashton says sticking a zippo in his pocket walking toward the front of the house.