Our Endless Love

Chapter 40: Positive

August 20, 1979
Nicole's POV

Those definite moments in life are stored deep in the crevices of my mind. All the memories we have shared, crafted, and stored dance freely in all areas that fall deep within me. Now that Michael and I might be expecting a child, it feels too soon to be true. We arrived at the clinic's parking lot, and Michael switched off the ignition.

My body was numb, and I couldn't stop shaking. Nerves were penetrating my every thought. I couldn't stop thinking of what the outcome would be. As much as I agree that babies are blessings, I'm not ready to have one. I wanted to go to college, get my degree. Michael wanted to establish his career.

Plus, I wouldn't be a good mom. In comparison to my mother, I'd be lucky if the child lives to be eighteen. Well, in that case, Michael would be the saving grace. He's incredible with children, as proven time and time again.

Michael stepped out and scurried across the hood of the car. I mean, he full-on rolled on the hood. I laughed at his silliness. He opened my door and offered me his hand. I placed my semi-smaller one in his. He pulled me up with some force and squashed me against him. "Let's go find out some life-changing information." Michael patted my back.

My stomach fluttered with butterflies as he placed me close against him in an embrace. "I mean it when I say everything will be okay." He reinstated, kissing my forehead. I nodded and gave him a small smile. Maybe. We entered the entryway. A woman at the receptionist desk peered at us.

"Hello." She smiled in a professional, not trying-to-panic-'cause-Michael-Jackson-is-here stanza. Michael kept his arm around me. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, we had a spur of the moment decision to do this. Ahem, could we possibly talk to management?" Michael explained.

"You're lookin' at her." She beamed.

"Right," Michael said. "I ask that you get us to a more private room."

"Of course, Mr. Jackson. We'd be happy to comply with anything you request." She responded politely. Michael smiled in satisfaction. She wrote something down on a piece of paper, and call over to an employee. "Make sure Dr. Bryant gets this immediately."

Moments later, we were led back to a private room. Plastic aligned almost every surface, including the chairs. I was set on a small bed with a plastic cover on it. Dr. Bryant sat down on a rollaway chair and cleared his throat. "I assume you're here because you want a pregnancy test. I will clarify this is personal. No matter what the results are, that's for you to disclose to the public. I have that on record." He assured us. "Ms. Ross, you're worried you might be pregnant? What symptoms have you had?"

"My breasts have been quite tender, and I've thrown up a lot. I thought it was some Chinese food I had or a flu bug." I answered, my hands playing with the fabric of my shirt. "We didn't use protection, at least I don't think."

"Well, we will run a pregnancy test. It'll take about 45 minutes to get the results back. In the meantime, we have some magazines you can flip through." He pointed to a pile of magazines sitting on a cupboard. I thanked him, and he went to get the test started. I peed in a cup, and they drew some blood. I wasn't exactly sure how they ran the test, but it must be very accurate.

"Why did we let this happen?" I crumpled my face into my hands. "How could we be stupid enough to not use protection?"

"Nic, this will be a blessing. If you're not pregnant, that's great. But if you are, we'll manage." Michael assured me. "Babies are blessings, not mistakes. I never want to hear that leave your mouth." I smiled a little at his comment. He and I have the same perspective on children almost, we both agree that children are such blessings. I guess it's the enigma of being a parent that scares me.

"Yes sir," I said. "If only I didn't find you so unimaginably handsome. Inside and out." I commented.

"I love you so much, Nicole. Never forget that." Michael walked over to me and rested his hand on my knee. I honestly could have melted onto the tiled floor if he wasn't there to hold me. It seemed like forever when the doctor came back into the room.

"Before I say anything, I think you two might need to prepare. Nicole, we got your lab results back, and they're positive."

My heart plummeted to my feet. Positive. He did just say positive. Michael's head snapped toward me to see my reaction. I could only see the love and joy in his eyes. I wish I could share the same feelings, but that knawing feeling of dread permeated every vein in my body.

"Baby?" Michael tilted his head. "Are you okay?" I didn't want to look at him. The only thing I had was fear, the anxiety of the unknown, and lumps building up in my throat. Michael started rubbing my back for comfort. Tears fell down my cheeks. I just went numb.

"Just give me a moment, please." My voice cracked as the lump got bigger in my throat. "Oh god, what did I do?"

"You didn't do anything, love. I promise everything will be okay." Michael tried to assure me.

"I'm not fit to be a mom," I said. "What's wrong with me? I can't have sex once, and not get pregnant. How on Earth am I going to tell my mother? God, she'll be so disappointed in me. "

"Your mom was younger than you when she had you. Come on, baby. Think about it, you have a life growing inside of you. Your baby. Our baby." Michael placed his hand on my stomach. "I'm so glad I get to go on this life experience with you. Think positive about it, Nicole." I smiled a little. Leave it to him to encourage me in my darkest moments.

"Michael, I don't know." I contemplated. "Are we really suited to having children this young?"

"My mother was twenty when she had Rebbie. Your mother was sixteen. We are financially ready, and we have each other. This baby will grow up with all the love in the world." Michael took my hands from its resting position on the bed. "Let me show you something." He placed it against my lower stomach. "That's your baby in here. Nurturing in its mother's love. Capitalizing on the love your body has given it."

"Okay, I guess I'll give it a try." I sighed. "As long as I have you."

"And that will never be untrue. You will always have me." Michael rubbed my thigh. "We'll be great. And so will our daughter."

"Michael... don't go guessing the gender already. I'm not that far along." I scoffed. "Besides, don't you want a little Michael running around?"

"Aww, I love you naive optimism. That would be an absolute nightmare to have a little clone of me."

"I can agree with that. That child would never have a chance." I agreed.

"Hey!" Michael defended. "I meant with the prankster stuff."

"Right, that would drive me mentally insane. It's hard enough to deal with one of you." I emphasized with the one part.

"You're lucky you're the most beautiful woman who's ever lived," Michael said.

"Okay." I laughed. Maybe it won't be too bad.