KPOP ONESHOTS

Guilty [markhyuck]

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MARK had never been so emotionally wrecked, feeling almost drunk as he wondered the streets; carelessly as he didn't know what to do or where to go. He doesn't know how to tell his lover, no, what to tell his lover. He was lost, in the mind, and his thoughts were racing to much all at once. He was guilty, and in so many ways.

He had just tried to take his life.

It wasn't the first, hell- it probably wouldn't be the last. He's tried to overdose with alcohol, pills, anything he could get his hands on. He's tried to jump, so many times he remembers feeling so scared. Just so scared of what would happen after he jumped, after he hit the ground. Would it all end? Would his pain and suffering disappear, or would he be left to painfully die? He was just so scared of not knowing. Mark had ignored his lover for days now just to find himself. He got calls, text, so many of them his phone died by itself. He knew it was bad, isolation himself from everyone and everything. He didn't care though, how could he when nobody else did. He felt so lost in the world, so helpless, and he couldn't connect or talk to anyone about it. He's been doing it more often these days, just distancing himself from the world.

He loved his lover, with a passion, he wanted happiness he truly did. He just refused to let it in, he couldn't find it and his thoughts were suffocating him. He couldn't take it anymore it seemed like, and no matter how much he drank and tried to forget. All the thoughts and pain were still there. He hated it, and hated every single day. He hated himself for it, but more so the world, society, and time. How fast time was running out wasn't fair, it wasn't fair how other people found happiness so quickly; yet here he was, stuck in a endless black hole filled with water that he was barely above.

He just wishes to find the light again, as the clouds were covering his sun. His skin aches at the thought, and his body pulses with slow beats as he had no energy to keep going. Walking, staggering, as he got to the building he regretted coming back to after so many nights.

It wasn't because he hated the place, he loved it. Everything had opens arms, his lover always did anytime he came back. He hated such mercy given to him, he hated such sympathy. He felt so alone, yet he knew he was loved so deeply. His heart was just so cold, so closed to the world as he's given up.

Walking inside the house, it's silent, and he keeps it that way as he just comes here to grab and go. Either it be food, drinks, or a charger for his phone, he would just grab it and go. Usually, he never got caught, but on occasions he would, his lover would make him stay.

It seemed as though the other was asleep however, and Mark was glad because of that. He opened the fridge, and saw there was no alcohol. The other male must've thrown it away, Mark curses as he knew he did.

"Mark?" Mark jolts as he stands straight up and looks beyond the fridge down the hall to see his lover standing there.

Mark doesn't hesitate to close the fridge door and head to wear the front door is, but of course it was one of those nights.

"Hey!" The other yells at him, almost harshly to stop, and Mark doesn't know why but he hesitated when he reached for the door handle.

He then feels a grip on his wrist that turns him to face the other, and how he regretted looking the other in the eye. It was pure furry and pain, and Mark clenched his teeth in guilt. Pure guilt.

"Donghyuck —" Mark tried to say as he struggles to pull away his wrist from the grip.

"No! Don't start with that! I called you and texted you so many times— what happened Mark? Why didn't you answer! I was worried beyond belief!" Donghyuck outrages, and Mark couldn't even find the courage to look him in the eye. "Mark you can't keep doing this! I won't let you!"

Mark finally gets enough courage to look up and stare at Donghyuck straight in the face, as if in defiance.

"If your that worried then find another person! Maybe they'd actually call back." Mark suggests as he feels tears stung his eyes, and snatches his wrist away from the grip. "I don't even know why you still care about me." Mark whispers.

"Mark are you serious right now? You really thought I lied when I told you your the only one I'd ever love truly? My whole life with you was all I ever wanted! All I ever wanted was you!" Donghyuck exaggerates, staring helplessly at Mark. "Now your distancing yourself from me, and god does it hurt Mark. It hurts me, beyond words it does. I just want you to talk to me."

"I just thought we needed space— " Mark tries.

"Don't give me space, please. The last thing I want from you is space Mark." Donghyuck pleads, staring at Mark.

Mark is speechless, in disbelief as he stares down at the ground. "I just don't understand Donghyuck—" Mark chokes on his words, "I just want to understand—" Donghyuck is quick to grab the other and embrace him in a hug.

Mark let's out a soft sob, letting the other hold him. He just let it out as he's been holding it up for so long. He was a crybaby, he knew this by heart, and he hated it. How he just hated everything. Crying on his lovers shoulder, he's never felt so vulnerable.

After a moment or two, Marks sob dies down as he sniffs the rest up and blinks the tears away. He doesn't pull away though, and grips the others t shirt tightly.

"Let's head to bed Mark." The other whispers above him, and Mark nods slowly.

They pull away the slightest, bit are still attached as they walk to their shared room. Mark stares at the ground the whole way, feeling guilty as he just cried his life out onto his lovers shoulder. Getting into the room, Mark takes off his jacket with the help of Donghyuck and pants along with his shoes.

Getting into bed, Mark is held closely by Donghyuck as a sign to show comfort. He lets himself be held, and caressed sweetly. He lets himself calm down, and knows in the morning he'd be talked to and sympathized. He couldn't wait though it seemed like, he wanted to have the the talk with Haechan. It was a first, but a long run for Mark as he was confused on why he felt this way.

Maybe it was because the cry, the hug, this. He didn't know, maybe he would tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after tomorrow. It was a wonder of when to Mark. All of what and when.

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I just wanted to write soft angst but what even is this.