Batfamily one shots, preferences, headcanons and imagines

Things they've said/media headcanon

-Let's start with Bruce, the head of the family

-He was named the polite curser in his golden age. He will smile to whoever pissed him off and say their name like it's a cuss word. He also secretly coughs curses in Russian underneath his breath when he's really pissed off in a meeting. 

-He's known to be very vocal when someone bothered his kids and he's gone as far as to ban them from the school grounds and the mall where they mostly are. Good one DaddyBats.

-As Batman, he doesn't curse at all because some kids idolize him so he tries to be a good role model. You're more likely and could catch Superman swearing before Batman

-The weirdest thing he's ever said that the media has recorded was, "Don't mom people who are Prince Eric."

-Dick, since he was a child, was careful about his words and accent, but children sometimes say the dandiest things.

-He once walked up to people at a gala asking if they liked 'fun juice' and they had no idea what he was talking about. Bruce had lied to him alcohol was fun juice for adults so they could relax, but it made kids sad to drink it.

-"I lost my nuts!" Dick had screamed once in the middle of a mall when he lost peanuts in the crowd. Alfred knew about the nickname, but no one lese did so he had to explain the elephants name was peanuts before security let them go.

-Even as a teen, he said the weirdest things according to the press, but people his age could always relate.

-"Are you in pain? Great now you're like the rest of us," he'd said to a guy who'd jerked his knee in the middle of his boring presentation.

-"Are clouds for sale cause I need one right now," is frequently said when he's sleep depraved.

-"You need some moomoo juice. No I didn't mean milk, I said moomoo juice."

-"I'm not the right gender to be a flower girl, but I'll try my best to be a flower boy."

-The weirdest recorded thing though was when he was a cop in Bludhaven in the middle of a fight with a gang.

-"Don't mess with me I have the power of furry and aliens on my side!" Please someone get this reference.

-Tim is kept out of the press the most because he has no filter.

-It's not that he's weird, he just gives his opinions bluntly without being asked. One reporter in a crowd of press had sloppy make up and he said a monkey could do better. They learned to have their eyebrows on point from then on.

-It's a sort of initiation into Wayne Enterprises to have him say a scathing remark to the newbie. He doesn't realize that it's a thing and just scalds them. They learned not to do it to interns though because one almost smashed Tim's head in the wall.

-"This scarf is knitted by my dead grandma no way am I taking it off you prick!"

-Cass is the most respected by the press since she made them fear her since day one. They respect her privacy to a certain degree, and she let's them get shots of her doing things.

-When photos of close up shots of her boobs and butt were found on the internet, she publicly stated that they better be gone within half a day or she was sending Batman on them. Batman was off to the side when she said this so they knew she wasn't joking.

-She has said something that confused the whole press and to this day no one can figure it out. It was at the point of time where Lex Luthor unfortunately became president.

-"Still scum off their shoes."

-Damian is a sassy child with the press and they love it. They will ask him to discuss the latest tea from the internet and if he knows it, he'll give his opinion.

-"She's in the wrong. Look at her nails and you'll find out the truth."

-"I do not approve of Luthor as a businessman why would I want him as president?"

-"Why did I refuse to be saved by Superman? I'm from Gotham, I won't live it down if I was saved by the blue boy scout. I prefer Robin, he does a great job."

-He's been reported to call people flesh when he's annoyed.

-"Move you bag of flesh, your shoes hurt my eyes."

-"Flesh cease your prattle."

-He will end the career of any one who spells his name wrong. He will pause and comment that they have caused his heart to suffer with their ignorance.

-No one talks about the time he smashed into a reporter with a door to avoid talking to them. No one liked her in the family or the press and she was too touchy for their tastes.

-Duke is actually the most ordinary, and he can be counted on to put the press on false leads when a secret is at risk to be let out.

-"Uhm, n-no, Dick and Barbara aren't dating. Totally aren't dating. But I bet Batman has a new sidekick, I think!"

-Dick and Barbara didn't mind being in the spotlight so it hid the fact that Bruce was gone from Gotham for a while when people searched for the new sidekick instead of Batman.

-The biggest save he'd ever done was when Bruce and Selina were making out in his office and there was a press conference about to begin. Duke took control and made it a surprise reveal of a new tech line when Bruce had been planning to reveal he was Batman. He was under Ivy's control as Batman to reveal himself in his civilian identity and Duke had called Selina in to distract him. An antidote was made and Duke totally raised the stocks of WE by 15% because of his charming personality.

-Jason is not in the press since he died, but if you look closely, he's photobombed a lot of photos. The best was photobombing Damian's graduation and laughing gleefully when he was chased afterwards.

-But the best thing said by anyone in the Batfam wasn't Alfred, sadly, but Stephanie.

-A girl was prom posing at their school to her shy guy friend when some of the jocks were heckling them. Stephanie scrounged up a few friends and they burst out into song like it was all planned and it covered up the heckles long enough that the proposal succeeded. 

-"If you can't even respect love, you have no future."

-It was being recorded and when it was posted on YouTube, it hit 50 million views in two days. When asked why, she was completely honest in her answer.

-"Batman protects us from villains, I stick up for the social rejects who just want to live. Also, I really wanted to sing randomly like a Disney princess for once in my life so I am now complete."

-Bruce just sighed and gave her a head pat for good work. Alfred gave her two cookies instead of one for dessert for a month.