Polarized Antagonism

28:

(See Koko's photo above)

Cameron

" When life is treating you good, always prepare for the worst. "

Is what my abomination of a father told me when I was five years old. When kids at my age were playing legos and dolls, my father made me read Art of War by Sun Tzu.

Mind you that I was a late bloomer when I was a kid. Hindi pa ako marunong magbasa at magsulat sa edad kong iyon. I was left behind my classmates in kindergarten.

When my father heard about this he left his so important job to visit me in my Mom's house. I thought he was there to ask me how I'm doing. I thought he would teach me how to read and write just like what a parent would do.

But I was naive. He gave me the Art of War book and asked me to read it even though I cannot. What I did was to utter words that does not make any sense until I can read syllables to sentences.

Even though I can't write the alphabet nor recognize the word house, for a child, my hopes were high and that exactly is the reason why I started to hate my father.

He never let me experience the childhood that I think I deserved. He wanted me to grow up fast so that he could create a carbon copy of him.

I grew to be cynical and ever since that man ruined me. I had this weird noise inside my head whenever things get bad.. The BZZT BZZT noise would appear whenever I'm feeling stressed, anxious and mad. Like very mad.

It's deafening so i didn't like it. Makes me feel weird and angry.

These past few days have been so good na nakalimutan ko na pag nagsaya ako ng matagal panigurado may mararanasan ako na masakit.

Mag mga araw talaga na you don't feel good about yourself even when everything is going just peachy. Or maybe I think I am doing well pero i'm just running away from my problems. Either way, It sucks. Parang iniipit yung buo kong katawan dahil dito.

Lucia was the only person who can handle my temper. She takes no shit from me at all at kung kailangan niya akong pisikalin ay gagawin niya ito.

It's selfish that I wanted her to get angry with me. To tell me that I'm being childish and unreasonable but sometimes the people you rely on won't always be there for you. I should know that better than anyone else.

She wouldn't even talk to me ever since Chihiro's party. Kahit na magkasama kami sa sala para manuod ng t.v o kaya naman sa tuwing kakain kami, hindi niya ako papansinin. Tahimik lang siya at sasagot kung tatanungin siya ni Yaya Dalia or any other person in our house besides me.

There was this time na kumakain kami ng lunch. I asked her to pass the salt for my steak pero imbis na ibigay niya sa akin ito ng maayos she literally tossed it across the table. If it wasn't for my good reflexes baka natamaan na ako sa mukha.

Siyempre nainis ako sa ginawa niya. She's ignoring me and acts hostile ? It doesn't sit well with me. I took care of her when she's drunk tapos ganito yung isusukli niya sa akin?

I was about to retaliate but before that could happen, Yaya Dalia pulled me out from the dining room.

" Nag-away ba kayong dalawa? " she asked.

May hawak-hawak akong tinidor sa kamay ko at tinusok ko yung binti ko para hindi ako sumabog sa galit. I have to feel pain so I won't get bonkers.

Dadagdag pa sa isipin ko yung ginagawa sa akin ni Lucia ngayon

" Hindi ko alam. She's acting crazy. Wala naman akong ginagawa. " I responded.

Yaya Dalia and Lucia gets along well. Sometimes I see them drinking tea in our garden talking about stuff. Lucia helps preparing food too, especially pag ang ulam namin ay adobo. Halata sa mukha ni Yaya Dalia na nag-aalala siya sa mga kinikilos ni Lucia.