Polarized Antagonism

57:

(See Cameron's photo above)

Cameron

Every time I wake up, my heart starts feeling heavy. I had to give myself a push in the back everytime just to get myself up from my bed. 

Maybe because I'm sad about something I cannot control. Yeah, It's probably the reason.

Iniisip ko na lang na kapag hindi ako gagalaw, masasayang yung oras na dapat na kasama ko si Lucia.

It's difficult to have that idea in your head that one of these days aalis na yung tao na importante sayo. You start counting the time you have left with them, and everything moves ridiculously fast.

Sa mundong ito, I'm nothing but a speck in the population. I'm not someone special who can stop the time. I can do nothing of sorts.

That's why I try to be around Lucia as much as I can because I want to make the most of the time I have left with her.

Even though it's difficult for me, kailangan ko pa rin bumangon araw-araw just to see her.

Minsan nga naiinis na siya sa akin dahil lagi akong nakatingin sa kaniya. Can you blame me? Ayoko lang na mawawala siya sa paningin ko.

I means , it's already the second week of March, she's leaving on 30. She even started stuffing her luggage with her things and it's not something I wanted to see.

Fuck. Ang bilis ng panahon.

" Cameron, bakit ka naman humihiga diyan sa counter? "

Ugh, right Mom is here in the house. Just great.

" Ano ba nangyayari sayo? " lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan yung noo ko. " You don't have a fever, do you? "

I rolled to the other side so I'm not facing my mother. Kung yung simpleng pag-alis lang ni Lucia to run some errands had such a huge effect on my mood, paano na lang kaya kung umalis na talaga siya?

Can i take it?

" What's wrong, hun? You seem to be in a very bad mood? " sabi ulit ni Mom. Siguro naka pamewang siya ngayon.

I let out a groan and curled to a fetus position. " Can i just woe in my depression, Mom? "

" Cameron, don't be silly! " pinalo niya yung puwet ko dahil siguro sa inis sa akin. " Sabihin mo kung ano yung problema mo para hindi ka nagkakaganiyan. "

What am I five? Do parents nowadays still spank their children? Ito talagang nanay ko, lagi na ngang wala dito sa bahay napaka outdated pa ng parenting techniques niya.

" Will you stop bothering me pag sinabi ko sayo? "

Goddamit! Pinalo na naman niya ako!

" Mom, stop doing that! " away ko sa kaniya. Umupo na ako ng maayos and faced her baka ulitin niya na naman yung pag-palo sa akin.

" Then stop being a brat, Cameron. 18 years old ka na nagtatantrum ka pa rin! "

Okay? Ouch. Below the belt.

" Fine! " i crossed my arms and huffed. " I feel bothered that Lucia is leaving, okay? "

" Aww, baby. " Mom cooed as she pats my head. Tinanggal ko naman agad yung kamay niya.

Again, hindi na ako bata.

" I understand. Mamimiss ko din naman si Lucia pag umalis na siya. " Mom sighed. " She's a good kid and I know you've grown to each other... para na nga kayong magkapatid at this point. "