AN: PLEASE DO NOT READ. Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and self-harm.
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You gave everyone a small smile before leaving the scene. They had all cheered after you helped burn out the fire in the building but you felt like you didn't deserve any of their cheers because 2 people had died. You hadn't arrived at the scene fast enough to save them and it pained you that you had failed them.
"(y/n), where are you going? We need you back at the DEO."
"I..I need to be alone Alex."
Alex could immediately hear that something was wrong. You had never been good at hiding things from her.
"(y/n)? What's going on?"
You pulled off your earpiece and crushed it in your hands while you pushed yourself to break the sound barrier to arrive at the fortress in a record of time.
X
"41...42"
You fell back after finishing the last line. 42 lives that had been lost under your watch. You had failed them. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers have all been lost because you hadn't been fast enough. They had families that cared deeply for them and every time you went to give your condolences to them, you couldn't help but think that if you had just been a little faster, a little better and they would've still been living. What made you so special that their lives had been lost and yet you continued living.
"Your vitals are dropping ma'am. I must remove the kryptonite away from the room."
"Kelex, proceed with code 28"
The robot's eyes turn red before it turns off. You turn to look at the screen and begin recording.
"My love, I'm sorry for doing this but I can't take this anymore. I've hid my true feelings from everyone and I'm afraid that it's too late for someone to help me. Everyday, I think about the 42 lives that have died because of me." You raised your hand, showing the camera your bloody arm. "Each of these lines represent each life that has been lost. I come to the fortress to make these marks every time that I lose another life. It was my way of honoring them and hoping they could see that I wouldn't forgot about them." Taking a deep breath, you lean against the panel since you weren't able to keep yourself standing up. "I paid a visit to one of the families about 3 months ago. Went to tell them how sorry I was that I hadn't been able to save them." You close your eyes as the tears begin to fall. "They yelled insults to me. Telling me that I had no right to come to the funeral. That it had been my fault that they had died. I didn't say anything, simply just listened to their screams as they blamed me for their loss. They were right in being angry, I had failed them. They didn't stop until they had run out of tears. The last thing they ever told me was that it should've been me. I wasn't anyone special to continue living while their wife would soon be buried 6ft under." You wipe away the tears and finally opened your eyes. "I apologized and left in a hurry. They were right, Lena. I wasn't anybody special. I just fly around and 'help' when in reality I'm just hurting people. I'm sorry for not being strong enough."
