Loving November Grace

7

Just a short warning, may be a little heavy. But hope you's enjoy.

November's pov.

"How was your week Nova?" Tristan asks me pretty much as soon as I enter the room.

I place my bag by the door and then my phone on the bookshelf and my cardigan on the sofa. Sitting down in the chair opposite him I send him a quick and easy smile.

"It's not been too bad."

"Have you kept a mood diary?" Tristan asks and I send him a guilty look.

"Nova..."

"I just, I feel fine. All the time. Average 5. I don't see why I have to write that down."

He sits back on his chair and gives me a small smile. "It's to keep record. And can you elaborate on the feeling at a 5 all the time?"

"I wasn't being serious." I say and he cocks his head at me.

"I feel like you might have been."

Well okay then, right to it I guess.

"Okay it's just, I feel fine all the time. Just, obviously there are moments in the day that feel good, or I get pissed off but then it just dwindles away."

"And you feel bad?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No I just, there's nothing. I am just stable."

"We like stability." Tristan says and I roll my eyes, this is why I don't say anything.

"Don't roll your eyes." He laughs gently and nods for me to continue.

When I don't he says. "Are you not enjoying stability?"

"I just." I breathe. I haven't said this before. "It's a bit boring. Like I don't feel anything, or well I do I guess but it's not, it's not as intense."

"You used to feel a lot." He starts and I nod.

"Exactly, I used to feel so much and I just, I'm not saying I like instability I'm just saying I think I miss it."

"Nova that is actually really common."

"Oh?" I say surprised, I have been feeling like a freak.

"Can you describe to me how the medication has made you feel?" He asks and opens his notebook.

"A little flat." I say and slide my shoes off. Pulling my legs up to my chest as I get comfier, smaller, on the armchair.

"Flat?"

"Just, it feels good not being so all over the place. But I don't know... I'm not feeling enough now." I say watching his face. Does that even make sense?

He flicks through my file and nods to himself.

"You are on a high dosage Nova, we could look into lowering it."

"No." I say, shaking my head quickly.

His eyes dart back up to mine and I cringe.

"Here's the other thing." I breathe.

"Ok?"

"I am worried it's getting bad again." I whisper looking away.

"I thought you were feeling flat?" He asks, challenging my earlier words.

"I am." I sigh looking back up to him. I was confused myself.

"Explain it to me Nova?"

"I have been doing stupid things. Going out at night, drinking more, sleeping with people I shouldn't."