Spike my Heart - Miya Atsumu X OC

Letting Go

40th chapter of bullshit here we go!!! ♥️♥️♥️

Atsumu couldn't think of anything to do. He pinched himself so hard his blood almost clotted in his arm but the scene before him wasn't going away.

He sat at the table a little away from them and put his face on the table taking deep breaths because of the incoming anxiety stroke. He felt his lungs suffocate and tears threatened to gush out of his eyes.

"Atsu san?" Haruka began to worry.

"No... just don't..." he got up and swiftly exited the kitchen "I'll be upstairs. Call me if you need something"

He tripped into his room and fell on his ankle. When he realised he couldn't move anymore, he laid flat on the floor and looked at the ceiling "Haru, can you please kill me instead?" He softly pleaded as pearls of sadness spilled from his eyes. "I'm doing everything I can, princess" he felt his lungs fill with water as he struggled to breathe. He was drowning on land, a terrifying experience he'd never faced before. "God I... I hate myself"

He smashed his hand against the mirror because he couldn't stand his own reflection. He pushed the door of his bathroom open and without second thoughts dunked his head into the water before he drowned on the air outside.

"What was that sound?" Haruka asked and Osamu turned the hob off "What sound?"

"I heard something crash" she said and in a split second the two raced to his room.

"Atsumu san!!!" She tried to knock his door but the door creaked open when she touched it. She almost died on spot looking at the mess his room was in. Osamu felt his stomach flip when he saw blood near his mirror.

"Careful, it's everywhere" She quickly but carefully rushed into the bathroom following the droplets of red liquid and found his head immersed in the water.

"ATSUMU SAN!" She pulled his shoulder back and he took a long breath. "It's not... going away"

"What's happening?" Osamu didn't know what to do "Should I call an ambulance??!!"

"Atsumu san..." she softly cupped his face "Does it hurt here" she rubbed his chest and he nodded with droopy eyes. Her heart felt constant stabs when she saw his reddened eyes.

"Dunk your face again but exhale fully" she said and he listened to her.

"SHOULD I CALL AN AMBULANCE!! Wh- What-"

"No" she softly said patting Atsumu's back when he came back for air. "Better now?"

She asked and he nodded.

"Haruka!?!" Osamu's voice simmered in fright.

"It's okay..." she smiled at the worried twin "He had a panic attack"

"A WHAT?? Tsumu, are you okay??" He held his bleeding hand "What the fuck are you doing?" Atsumu groaned pulling his hand back "Please leave"

Haruka wanted to get him out of his room "There's glass everywhere! You can be h-"

"LEAVE!" He buried his face in his hands "Don't look at me. Just... just go! Please"

"YOU'LL HURT YOURSELF!" Haruka pulled his injured hand away from his face.

"Haru... listen, princess" he looked at her with begging eyes "I love you and everything... but please just go. You shouldn't be seeing this" he looked at Osamu "I'll be fine. You two should go. I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault" she slowly held his face "I know what it's like."

"I'm sorry" he looked like a lost puppy.

"Please don't say it anymore" she took her hanky and gently pressed it against his soaking face "Come here" she laid his head on her shoulder and he nuzzled closer to her, wanting to get away from the feeling. Osamu felt like crap looking at his brother in a state so vulnerable.

"I don't like this feeling" he whispered against her neck.

"I know..." her soothing voice almost made him sleep "But I'm here, okay?" She ran her fingers through his hair.

"Okay" he wisped.

"Let's get your out of here first, okay" she said "I got you"

She looked at Osamu and he ducked on the ground putting his barely awake twin on his back while Haruka pushed aside the glass with a waste cloth to make way for them.

She held him close trying to remove the shards from his knuckles as he lifelessly laid on the couch.

"Is it hurting?" Osamu asked.

"I don't feel it" he said in a barely audible tone.

He looked at his bandaged hand, wondering what happened back there. He'd never been so angry at himself before, he'd never been so anxious.

"Thank you" he gratefully said holding her hand, his blurry vision still managed to trace her serene features "You're glowing"

She checked his temperature fidgeting the thermometer at what he said. His husky voice never failed to make her flimsy in a nanosecond.

"Please take care of yourself" he said and Haruka didn't understand why it felt like he was saying goodbye. "Tell me if Samu is a prick to you"

As much as he loved her he wouldn't forgive himself for giving her something less than she deserved and at that point he knew it was himself. He knew he'd never be enough for her the way he was, he was too barbarous. He shattered her heart, he knew he was unworthy of her from the start. "One word, princess, and I'll strangle him"

"Atsumu san what-" Haruka was nervous when he gently held the nape of her neck and pulled her in to kiss her intoxicating lips for the last time. He was letting her go, towards something that could preserve her for the angel she was. He knew he didn't deserve that last kiss either but he needed it to have his weak, bludgeoned heart pump life into his body till the day he finally succumbed to it.

Haruka scanned his face, desperately trying to figure out what he was doing "What-"

"Brother, can you take her home?" He looked at Osamu whose feet were glued to the ground. He was petrified with what Atsumu was doing.

"Atsumu san-"

"He'll go with you. I need to rest for a while" he smiled, softly pinching her cheek before sending her away and when the door closed shut behind them he looked at the ceiling for a few seconds before the gates broke open and he cried his heart out. "I'm so so sorry"

"I love you" he wailed at her fading figure in his head.

"Please don't hate me anymore I hate myself enough"

When Osamu returned, Atsumu had fallen asleep on the couch. He looked at his tear stained, puffy face and felt the attrition surge through him. He covered him with a warm blanket and before he stepped away from his sleeping visage Atsumu's hand reached for the hem of his shirt and Osamu's sight was distorted by the fluid filling his eyes with Atsumu's distorted mumbling

"Haru, don't leave"