FANFICTION REVIEWS

I AM YOUR UMBRELLA

REVIEW#89

GENRE: FANFICTION, TWICE

BY:  Dext12345
STATUS: ONGOING
RATE: 7/10
CONTAINING: girlxgirl, mystery, thriller, mention of suicide, accident and parental abuse

SUMMARY:

what if it's rain again?will you be my umbrella?A "simple" love story of Sana and dahyun.Dahyun, a shy, introverted, teenage girl fed up with her family decided to live alone.Sana, an open spirit girl suffering from some kind of mental problem, meets Dahyun. Both Sana and Dahyun have a mysterious past.Circumstances created and they loved each other.But one day Dahyun called Sana and said "I want to die, I want to finish my life"What really happened with them.Will dahyun survive?Will Sana and Dahyun Again Become Saida?Dahyun afraid from drowning but still she decided to jumped on river.Why?Sana afraid from blood but still she cut her hand.Why?Explore the chronological event of their love story.what love can really do.how two girls met and become inseparable.A fanfic of Saida and lil bit of Mimo.Drama, suspense, thriller, mystery, Angst and of course lots of love with 100% Happy ending.No love triangle, no suddenly becoming straight, no separation at the end.Only love, smile and laugh but with little twist

REVIEW:

I would like to thank the Author for waiting and I'm sorry for being so late. First of all I would to say that this is my first Twice fanfiction, so since I've never read anything related to twice (well except a bangtwice fanfic that I've review) I have no experience in the field and there might be reference that I might not get. Also I have never read a girlxgirl fanfiction so this also a first so I'm sorry if I have made an error in writing this review (again no hate towards girlxgirl).

But the story itself, personally it's really confusing. But I would understand why I would be very confuse because one it has 3 different scenarios with different timelines despite it being an 8 chapter (a,b,c) I was confused while reading it. Second it's a mystery and thriller story so it will have plot holes that are unanswered since it's still an on-going story. Third I would like to advise the author to write more on the scene, it would also be better if you explain how they felt and their surrounding since it's a mystery story you want the readers to understand the situation and also bringing them the suspense, maybe since it's still the beginning you are still building up the story.

Another thing I think it's better if you space the inner thoughts of the person, I get it's still the first draft but it really helps people to enjoy and understand your story and I also think that you should really take it a constant pace of the story because I felt some of the part of stories are going to fast making it difficult to understand so I suggest again making a space on each different scenarios.

I like how you use pictures as dividers on the chapter (that has no writing in it) but I think it will better if you also use pictures as dividers or simply a writing as a dividers so readers have time to absorb the story you are trying to write.

Also even as a first draft I think grammatical errors need to improve as you write since I think you are going to be writing a really long book it will be likely for you to make errors like that again. So I suggest you proof-read it first.