Die Arthia

B i l a n g LXXXIX

The child I lost was probably my wake up call. My wake up call to notice my surroundings, to notice my self.

I lost Den, but I didn't lose a servant. I lost a friend and I feel sad. I was shaken by that.

Now, losing a child, I feel like I lost myself that is already lost in darkness.

I should accept sorrow and pain, I should anticipate them.

I feel like I lost in a battle I haven't started yet.

The wind blew the curtains on the silent room. The moon is there again, watching me. I look around the dim room.

I roam around and there's nothing to throw, no hard edges or something easy to carry.

I groaned as I walk to the window, a table and a single flower base with familiar yellow flower, behind it is a moon. The cold floor touches my feet when I left the carperted area.

"Sunflower under the moon.." A loud crash enveloped the whole room. Shattered vase on my feet giving cuts, I move a little and felt the sting pain.

Seconds later the door harshly opened and it was lady Cecilà. I look at her. Her eyes were very concern, it went down on the flower on my hand and to the shattered vase. She walk fast towards me, behind her is already Levi.

"Arthia!" Lady Cecilà called. I thought I heard my mom.

"I'm fine.." I said looking straight at Levi. He flinched looking startled with what I said or the face i'm showing him.

I walk towards Levi, my night dress dance with the curtain as the wind blows. My hair assisted their dancing.

"You're bleeding!" Lady Cecilà grab my arms but she wasn't able to stop me. "Arthia!"

"Shut up!" I yelled, my voiced roared in the whole room. I stand infront of Levi. He look down on my hand, holding the sunflower.

"I-i'm proud of you.." I whispered and give him the flower. Tears fell from my eyes. He look startled, I don't know if it's because of my tears or what I said. I smiled at him. He didn't accept the flower, he just look at it then at me, like what he always do. "You have achieve what you've desired." I offered him the yellow flower again.

"Arthia.." I heard lady Cecilà's sob.

Levi has achieve what he wanted. He has became the Emperor but I don't feel any hostility, I don't feel anything disgusting. I don't envy him.. i'm actually glad. We both planned how will he get there.. and he has achieved it.

I smiled more and push him the yellow flower, he just stand there. Looking at me having no idea what i'm saying.

"Y-you have fed my greed and let it grow." I whispered. He shook his head. "Now look at us." He shook his head and tried to grab both of my arms.

"Tia, we'll start again. What are you talking about?" He asked but I shook my head. I can hear lady Cecilà's sobs behind me.

I was actually giving in to him all this time. He's who understands and consider everything I desire.

I know I have him. He's got my back, always..

I win him over but I can't win over him.

That's what I thought at first and it was proven.

I will always, always give into him. Not because he's feeding my greed, it's because deep inside me.. my darkness, my real demon.

Affection and love has always been my demon, my fear and I survived pretending not to notice those. Prentending not to know them.

"We can never start again, we never started Levi.. and will never end." I whispered. Tears kept falling on my eyes.

Accepting feelings is like accepting defeat to me. My very downfall from the beginning.. until the very end.

"I wish I've never met the third prince.." I said and while my tears using my hand which is holding the flower.

This flower's kind witnessed how Levi told me that we'll grow like them, we'll mature and understand things together. And it has also witness how scared I was hearing those words from him and how I shrugged it off.

"Why are you doing this?" Levi said, it was painful.

"I wish I have chosen someone as my alliance.. not the prince." I whispered. I bit my lower lip.

I am the author of the old Arthia's downfall, and i'm also the author my own downfall in this lifetime.

Levi's hand on my arms tighten in the very painful way. I even flinched but it's nothing compare to the pain i'm feeling and to the pain i'm inflicting on the people around me.

I smiled at him and shook my head assuring him.

"I'm really proud of you. You have come back from war and take what you really deserve." Your own father also sent you in hell, but you've come back strong and determined to take what you desire.

I want to be like that. I don't want to lose this chance.

Greed or whatever it is, I won't lose this chance to avenge the awful Arthia.

"Why do I feel like this is goodbye?" He asked with so much authority. I shook my head still smiling at him.

"Now, fulfill your duty my Emperor."

♡
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