If You Were Ours

Chapter Forty Five - Kinsley

Kinsley ~

It had been a month since I arrived in New York. Well since my body arrived...my heart was in L.A.

I had cycled through every emotion imaginable from sorrow to anger and back again. I was so angry at them for sending me away. They abandoned me and I tried to hate them for it. I tried and tried to muster enough hatred in my heart to despise them and move on, but I couldn't.

In my heart I knew that they sent me away because they thought they were doing what's best for me, and I loved them...even when they're wrong, I still love them.

The men they hired to protect me were nice enough and did a good job of staying out of my way. They watched from afar, acting as a constant shadow wherever I went, but never interacting with me.

I entered my apartment after spending the day with my mentor, Violet, who ran a small upscale gallery.

I could practically feel the bags forming under my eyes, having gone 48 hours without sleep, but that wasn't uncommon these days. I'd sleep for two or three hours every couple of days and my body was paying the price for it. I was weak and unsteady and my hands shook which made painting an infuriating task, but this was my life. Lonely and frustrating, going through the motions - an empty shell.

The apartment was quiet and I hated it so I kept music playing constantly.

Starting a playlist, I settled myself on the center of my bed and stared at the ceiling for a while, lost in memories. Sometimes if I laid there long enough with my eyes closed I could hear their deep voices.

The sound of my phone ringing echoed in the background, but I was unfazed and unmoved, until I realized it was coming from deep within my closet.

My old phone.

I scrambled off my bed and ran to the closet, flinging the drawers open and snatching my old phone that I always made sure was charged...just in case.

The screen illuminated the dark closet and I read the name that was displayed.

Adriana?

"Hello?"

"Kinsley! Oh my god it's so good to hear your voice. I know I shouldn't have called. They'd kill me if they knew but I had to babe." Adriana's voice was cracking, thick with emotion as she spoke quickly.

"It's okay. What's going on? What happened?"

Please don't say they're dead. Anything but that.

"Kins I can't stay on the line but I had to tell you. It's not real, okay? When you see it, just know it's not real. He had to do it to make it believable okay? It's not real."

Adriana was talking so fast, my brain didn't have time to process what she was saying.

"What's not real?" I asked frantically. "Adriana? What's not real!"

"She's not real...they hired her...I love you."

Her voice sounded as devastated as I felt before the line went dead.

She? Her? What the hell was Adriana talking about?

I immediately went to my phone and started scrolling social media, thumbing through the socialite pictures of L.A.'s wealthy elite until my fingers froze and I choked on my own breath.

My heart stuttered and I thought it might stop beating all together as my eyes studied the picture.

Dane...with his arms around another woman for paparazzi...

I tried to hold on to Adriana's words - "She's not real, they hired her." But my stomach dropped and I felt the blood drain from my face as I became lightheaded.

Taking one step forward, I swayed and braced my weight on the corner of my bed. Tiny black dots enclosed on my vision as I stumbled toward the bathroom, but my legs gave out before I could make it there, taking me to the floor.

My churning stomach and blurred vision caused me to retch and heaved onto the carpet, producing absolutely nothing because I hadn't eaten all day. My small body was physically rejecting the idea that Dane could be with someone else and it felt like my body was going to shut down and give up.

Warm tears streaked my cheeks as I dry heaved on all fours before my body completely gave out beneath me and I collapsed. I rolled onto my back as I sobbed, feeling an ache so deep it felt like it was radiating from my bones.

A small red light caught my attention near the smoke detector and I knew it was a security camera. I figured as much and thought it was probably the New York crew watching the live feed, but a tiny voice inside me knew that it was Dane and Tyson who were watching.

I rolled onto my side, hugging my legs against my chest as I cried and looked right into the camera as I spoke the only word they were conditioned to obey.

"Vanilla." I whimpered. "No more....please...please stop...I can't take anymore."