Fate Wheel | Naruto

𝐚𝐫𝐜 𝟓, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 - 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭

"But the thing about remembering is that you don't forget."
— Tim O'Brien,

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Dear Sasuke,

If you're reading this, that means I have failed. That I am long dead and the events of the future and the present can no longer be rewritten. The future is set in stone and I was a rock in her path— but the path she was walking down on was never meant for her. I'm dead and I have failed, not just once, but twice. I have failed two people.

You probably caught onto the fact that I have abnormal abilities in being able to know what you're feeling and respond accordingly. I'm an empath, a mediator. It was a mundane ability of my mother's clan. The same ability that made her lose herself to grief after my father's death, she was losing herself and I felt it. I felt every, overwhelming inch of it. Day by day, night by night, it was all the same, a never-ending pattern of grief and pain. Grief and pain.

Until one day, she wasn't there. I didn't feel anything. It was like she was an empty vessel, a shell of who she used to be. She committed suicide and left me in custody of my grandmother, wallowing in self-loathe and anger.

It was selfish to feel angry. But that was all I ever felt. It was everything that made me. I was bullied severely for being an orphan. I was bullied for being different and uninterested in warring affairs. I was bullied for being abandoned by my parent. By my mother who left me alone, who made me bare the burden of her pain and left me to deal with the aftermath. I was angry and I hated her. I hated my father for going off to war and turning my mother into a walking corpse. I hated my mother for choosing selfishness over her own child. I hated Nana for not giving up on me.

But one day, she had enough. She stopped and looked deep into my eyes and said, "Mimi, you are not suited to become a Shinobi." I was taken aback by her claim, but not surprised. It was true, I was talented in mastering new Jutsu and sensory skills, but my heart wasn't strong enough. I was weak and fragile-minded, losing myself just like she did, selfishly yearning for death just like she did. Nana led me to the kitchen, placed a utensil in my hand and told me to whisk the eggs. "Bake. Distract yourself. You don't need to fight, you just need to stop falling." And ever since that day, I baked. I baked and baked and baked until it felt like my hands were going to fall off. Even if my face was smothered with flour and my fingers ached for a break, I was no longer falling.

I couldn't stop her from falling. The moment I saw Dawn, it reminded me of her, of my mother. Dawn was falling and I helped her. I held my hand out and she took it. And for a while, she was happy, we both were. We were sisters, family, she became my family and everything was fine until one day— the glass shattered. This facade I fooled myself to believe in disappeared and I realised she fell long before I held my hand out to her.

There was nothing I could do. Everything, everything I did, all the decisions I made, all the words, all my thoughts and actions— nothing worked. She was gone and once again, I was abandoned.

Sasuke, you remind me of me. The anger, the feeling of helplessness, the love we have for the people we care about, the extents we'd go to only for the results to be futile. I poked at you, teased you, made fun of you and your emotions. Despite everything that happened, the only consistent feeling that tethered me to my sanity was the unconditional love you had for her, for me, for everyone. You were my brother and even after I pass, I will always be your sister. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I hope you find it in you to forgive me for leaving you so early, for leaving her and giving up.

After all, my heart was always weak.