Fate Wheel | Naruto

𝟗𝟖| "A room filled with strangers"

CHAPTER 98 — A ROOM FILLED WITH STRANGERS
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PRESENT DAY- DAWNS POV

I never thought I'd find comfort in violence.

The calm seas played a catastrophic tune and the soft sway of the leaves felt like a sharp blade to the skin, slowly bleeding you dry until you become a shell of who you once were. Suddenly, colour had no distinct meaning, or difference. It was simply a shade, nothing more, nothing less. There was nothing wondrous about seeing the sun rise in the morning where no one else was awake or watching as the sky descended into darkness and the moon its replacement. It was decoration to make something look pretty, that was all there was to it.

I had forgotten when I last moved from this spot or whether days, weeks or even months have passed by since I'd last seen anyone other than Kaede. It was a period of reflection, of self-actualisation. I realised some things and in return, Kaede kept me company, refusing to ever leave me alone. I was beginning to think that she was the only constant in my life.

Sometimes, I'd hear him. And when I thought all I could ever feel was nothing, his voice would make me feel again and I despised the way it felt. I didn't want to feel, everything was easier when I didn't feel.

He'd talk about his day, he'd tell me about what he did and what his troubles were and what he ate and what he read at night, he'd talk about other people but I only ever really cared about what he said about himself, he'd tell me what happened in the Village, the riots breaking out, the increased cases of arson and distrust among the civilians, he'd ask me how I felt, how it was like being trapped in my own mind not being able to move my body but be able to hear what was going on around me and I made no effort to respond. I didn't try to wake up nor did I want to.

At times it was calming, listening to his voice. He'd leave for a short period of time and return again, there was always someone with him who never really left despite the few occasions and again- I'd feel something. That was when I stopped indulging in that matter and ignored it.

There was one occasion when I did want to reply, where I did want him to listen to me and heed my words. He'd asked me, why I kept running away from him. Why I kept leaving him behind. Why I left him alone. Why I never took him with me. It wasn't the question itself, rather the emotions in his voice that made it harder to breathe and suddenly this world I was in felt like a cage— like four walls closing in on me, the space gradually growing smaller and smaller. I never really knew what to say only that I wanted to say something, anything at all that would make him not feel the way he did.

When I felt, it reminded me of when I saw her body. The helplessness, the grief, the pain, the anger, the sadness, all being thrown at me simultaneously. And then it'd happen again.

It'd replay. Like an endless, infinite loop of misery. It made me feel like I was going insane and I needed a little bit of sanity if I was going to leave this sanctuary of mine and into the world of pain. Only a little bit.

The first thing I did when I gained consciousness was feel my surroundings. I always desired to be in control and not having awareness or information about where I was and what would happen next made me feel unsettled. There was an uncomfortable needle prodding my arm and an oxygen mask covering my face, the blinds were shut, they had to be, otherwise I would've felt the warmth of the sun grip my skin and force me to acknowledge it once again- to truly understand what it meant to wake up and see another day. I didn't wish to see or hear anything, but I had to. I had to face reality and the emotions I'd feel when I saw colours again.